


Sent In Gray

by orphan_account



Series: Austlan Cashby; College verse [2]
Category: Of Mice & Men (Band)
Genre: Austlan - Freeform, Austlan Cashby - Freeform, Cashby, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 07:27:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 58,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1736186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Keen On Boys.<br/>*****bolded name is the pov of the chapter. most of it is Alan, so if there's no name, just assume it's Alan's. I'll try to remember to put it though :)<br/>Same as KOB, two chapters on Mibba equals two on here :)<br/>As this is still being written, I'll update this when I post two new chapters on mibba :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Austin.**

There was this one painting in the museum that always reminded me of Alan. Every time I went into the late twentieth century room, I spent my time staring the small, calico cat overlooking a rose garden. I wasn’t really sure why it reminded me of Alan, because he didn’t have dark hair and he wasn’t exactly a fan of flowers and honestly, there were other paintings of ginger cats in the museum that would’ve made more sense, but this one just screamed ‘Alan’ to me.

“I’m really sad this is your last week with us.” My boss, Samantha frowns as I walked out of the exhibit room and into the main lobby.

I lean on the desk. “I’m kind of sad, too, but at the same time, I get to go home.” I laugh a little.

Samantha smiles and moves her blonde hair to the left side, adjusting some bobby pins to keep the one side smoothed down. “And you get to see that adorable boyfriend of yours.”

I smile. “Yeah, I’m honestly more excited about that than anything.” It was true; I couldn’t wait to see Alan in two weeks. It had been a long two and a half months, hard too. Everywhere I would go, I would be reminded of Alan and how much I loved and missed him.

“You graduate this year, right?”

I nod. “If everything goes as planned.”

“I’m sure it will; you’re the best intern we’ve had in a long time. I mean, from both people off the street and from schools.” She stops and picks up a highlighter and starts twirling it in between her fingers, with a different colored polish adorning each nail. “If you don’t have a job offer right after you get out of college, you have a place here.”

“Really?” I liked it here, being a quick subway ride from a lot of awesome museums and good places to eat, and the people I’ve encountered have been really nice as well. I wouldn’t mind working here for a year or two until I found something better.

She looks up. “Absolutely, you’re kind of amazing.” She laughs a little.

“Wow, thank you.”

“No, thank you. Return visitors have gone up ten percent since you’ve started here, I can’t help but think it’s because of you.” She shrugs. “Anyway, you’re free to go back to your apartment; we’re closing in twenty minutes.”

“Alright, thanks Sam.” I smile and grab my hoodie from under the counter. “See you tomorrow.”

-=-

When I got back to my small flat, I threw my jacket on the small couch and walked over to the desk that was provided. I had a normal routine, login to my computer, call Alan on Skype, check my email to see who was (very slowly) getting added to my residents list, then see if my classes has posted what books we needed.

“You look sexy when you’re concentrated.” I hear Alan’s quiet voice came through my speakers.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you had answered.” I smile. “You look cute.” Alan’s hair was wet and a mess, he was also shirtless, causing some minor discomfort in my lower region.

“I just got out of the shower.”

“You do realize it’s almost six your time, right?” Alan mostly got his showers in the morning.

“I just got back from the beach, my mom made me.” He sighs and looks to his left, then extends his hand and starts making kissy noises. Mittens must be creeping around.

“I’m jealous.”

Alan looks back at the screen. “Why?”

“Because I want to be at the beach with you.”

Alan smiles. “I wish you could be here or I could be there.”

“Preferably I would be there.” I laugh.

“Yeah,” Alan looks at me a little sleepily. I knew the sun made him tired. “Guess what I did in the shower?”

I blink slowly. “I think I know.” And if I was right, I definitely knew why he was tired.

Alan smirks. “I bet you do.”

I bite my lip, trying not to think of Alan and his shower adventures. “It’s my last week in D.C.”

Alan’s smirk turns into a smile. “So how long until I get to see you?” He asks excitedly.

“Eleven days, six more days here, then five in Ohio, since you’re moving in when the freshman move in.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m so excited.” He smiles. “I can’t wait to see you and touch you, both appropriately and inappropriately.”

“I can’t wait to see you either.” The feeling about the touching was mutual, but I decided to not let him know that.

-=-

Alan was laying his head on his desk, looking so tired and adorable. This is when I missed him the most, when he looked so lonely and like he needed a cuddle.

“Why don’t you go to bed?” I ask. It was eight, a perfectly acceptable time to go to sleep.

Alan looks up. “I don’t wanna.”

“You look so tired.”

“I am.”

“Then go to bed.” I laugh.

“I want to talk to you.” He pouts a little.

“You’re practically sleeping already.” I smile.

Alan sighs. “I know, it’s what, almost midnight there? You’re probably tired.”

“Yeah, but I’m willing to stay up as long you’re up.” I was getting tired but seeing Alan was far better than sleeping. If was there, I could have no problem going to sleep while he stayed awake, or vice versa, because he would be there with me. We wouldn't be nearly three thousand miles apart.

“I guess we can go to bed.” Alan smiles. “Let me go pee really quick.”

I roll my eyes. “Okay.”

“Want me to bring you?”

“Um that’s okay.”

Alan shrugs. “Fine.”

-=-

While Alan was gone, I walked over to the bed and started getting ready, getting my charger hooked up, changing out of my work clothes, and brushing my teeth.

“Sorry, my piss turned into a shit.” Alan laughs when he appears on camera.

“That is something I didn’t need to hear.”

He picks up his computer and walks over to his bed, setting it down then walking back over to desk. “Your ass looks so good in those boxer briefs.” I sigh as he walks back to his bed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sexually stimulate you.”

“Just because you got an A in biology doesn’t mean you need to use big words.”

Alan smiles as he climbs into bed. “Those weren’t really big words, though.”

“I’m tired.”

“I know, I’m hurr---hi Mittens.” Alan coos to the cat rubbing his fingers together to get the cat to come closer to him. “Look Austin, my baby is here.”

“Well then.” I fake pout and get under the blanket, carefully moving the pillow with Alan’s shirt over it so I could hold it better at night.

“You’re getting jealous over a cat; it’s time for you to go to bed.”

I wasn’t jealous, but I’d let Alan think I was. “I have to get up in seven hours, too, so that’s probably a good idea.”

Alan lies back on his bed and places Mittens on his stomach and pets under her chin. “You like that baby girl?” He asks in a baby voice. “Aw yes.”

I clear my throat and Alan looks over at me. “I’d scratch under your chin if you were here.” He smiles.

“Thank you?”

“You’re welcome.” Alan smiles. “You going to bed?”

I nod as I lie down on my side and bring his pillow in front of me, cuddling it close. “Yeah.”

“Alright, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I turn off my lamp and get situated into bed as Alan does the same. I was getting so tired of falling asleep clutching a pillow instead of Alan. I was getting tired of falling asleep to a computer instead of Alan. I was tired of not having Alan. You never know how much you need someone until you _can't_ have them.

_+_+_+_+_+_+_

**Alan.**

 

“So you’re going back to Ohio when?” Natalie asks from her deck chair. I liked Tuesdays mornings at my subdivision's pool because no one was here and I practically had the whole pool to myself. It was extremely relaxing.

“Ten days.” I sigh and grab my phone.

“You’re going early to see Austin?” She asks with a bit of annoyance to her voice. When I got back at the beginning of the summer, Natalie and I quickly made up. Austin was right, she was pretty much my only friend and I did miss her. But she still wasn't impressed by Austin, not that I cared, all that matters is that I'm impressed by Austin.

“Pretty much yeah, and so it’s easier to move Justin’s stuff in on actual move in day.” I shrug.

“Justin?” I’m pretty sure Natalie had a weird crush on him, which sucked for her because he obviously didn’t like girls.

I nod. “Yep, we are roommates next year.” Something I was pretty excited about. Justin had drawn detailed plans about how we were going to set our room up to ‘maximize space and so we could have a good view of the main soccer field’ I wasn’t complaining, one of the perks of the west side of TRAC was the amazing view of a bunch hot shirtless boys chasing a black and white ball around, and you best believe that Justin and I were going to take full advantage of it.

“Oh.” Natalie sighs. “Well, have fun with that.”

“I’m sure I will. Who is your roommate?”

Natalie flips to her back to even her tan. “Some girl named Mandy, she seems really weird.”

“Well I thought Vince was going to be really weird, but he became a close friend.”

“Probably a rare occurrence, we have nothing in common.” Natalie rolls her eyes. “She listens to country music, Alan. Country. I can’t deal with twangy southern men singing about horses all year. I can’t and I won’t.”

“You’re being a bit dramatic, she’ll probably have headphones.” I roll my eyes. “And if she’s terrible, just change rooms.”

Natalie sighs. “Easy for you to say.”

-=-

“I remember the first time we did this.” Natalie smiles as she leans against my bed, a box in front of her. We were starting to pack up some of my clothes so I didn't have to pack everything last minute.

“Me too, because you laughed the whole time over my underwear.”

“I had never touched a guy’s underwear before!” She exclaims in her defense. “Let alone my best friend’s, it was weird.”

I sigh and sit on the floor across from her. “You got over it, look at you now, taking underwear off with your teeth.” I laugh.

“That was one time!”

“You still did it.”

“Oh shut up, Alan. You had sex on a roof.”

“That was one time!” I mock her tone.

“You’d do it again, though.”

I nod. “Yeah, probably.” Honestly, I would have sex with Austin anywhere.

-=-

I was currently sitting across from my mom, slowing eating spaghetti while she watched me carefully. “What’s wrong with you?” I ask in the nicest way possible. I didn’t mean to be offensive, I just didn't know any other way to phrase it.

“You’re just growing up so fast.” She looks like she might cry, which I didn’t need because I was already dealing with enough emotion dealing with missing Austin and if she started crying I know I won’t be able to hold it back, it will be my mom and I crying in the kitchen over plates of spaghetti.

“Mom.” I sigh.

“It’s just you and Austin are getting serious and you’re going to be a sophomore and you’re my only baby and---” She wipes at her eyes. Here we go. I get up and walk over to her. “Mama, it’ll be okay.” I wrap my arms around her.

“You’re such a good boy.” She rubs my back slowly.

“I know.” I laugh a little to try and make her laugh as well.

“Go eat, I didn’t mean to start acting like a loon.” She lightly pushes me away.

I walk over to my chair. “A what?”

“A crazy person.”

“I don’t think caring about your son is crazy.” As annoying as she was most of the time, I know she only wants the best for me, and I guess I could appreciate that.

She gives me a small smile and goes back to eating.


	2. two

**Alan.**

It was currently ten in the morning on the day I would be starting the four day drive back to Ohio. Technically it was only around thirty three hours, but my mom likes to make a ‘vacation’ out of it, meaning we take nearly twice as long to get there and we stop in a few different cities. It wasn’t much fun, but I wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.

“Is everything packed up?” My mom asks as she climbs into the backseat and begins mumbling things to herself as she points at each box, mentally checking it off as she looks at each box cluttering the back of the Cr-V. There only available spots were a seat for each of us.

“Anthony you have the plane tickets, right? Because I want to put those in my purse so you don’t lose them.” That’s right; I get to keep the Cr-V on campus this year. A gift I got by getting an A in biology and a B- in Anthropology. So now I could take Austin out more and actually drive, instead of forcing him to drive us or having me drive his car, which was terrible because his car sucked.

“Yes dear.” My dad walks over with an envelope and hands it to her. “Now they’re your responsibility.”

“You prefer it that way.” She smiles. “Alan!”

“What?” I ask. “I’m standing right next to you don’t need to yell.”

“Are you ready?” She asks, completely ignoring the part about where I was standing.

“I’ve been ready since we got back three months ago, let’s go.” I sigh and lean against the car.  
My mom rolls her eyes and climbs out of the back seat. “You act as if you don’t talk to Austin every night.”

I stand up straight. “It’s not the same.”

“Get in the car.” She walks to the passenger side and climbs in.

I smile and get into the spot my mom was just occupying. I set my backpack on top of my box of ‘life necessities as my mom calls them, basically it was allergy medicine, sunscreen, a lint roller, and some other shit that she crammed in there.

“You have everything, right baby?” She asks as she turns in her seat.

“Yes and if I forget something I can go to the store and buy it.”

She sighs. “Alright, Anthony, let’s go.”

-=-

 _How far away are you?_ Austin texts me. He’s been texting me this almost every hour since we left seven hours ago.

 _We’re just outside of Flagstaff, we’re driving to Albuqskjseof, NM._ I quickly text back, does anyone really know how to spell Albuquerque that doesn’t live there? Talk about a bad name choice.

_You mean Albuquerque?_

Of course Austin would know. _Yeah :)_

_I’m so bored ): why isn’t there wifi like in the atmosphere or something?_

_lol prob because no one would ever get anything done. Can I send you a picture? I saw something really funny and I want to show you so we can laugh together :)_

I was kind of confused, but why not? At least I would entertained for a few seconds. _of course, you don’t have to ask :P_

A few minutes later I receive a picture of Austin almost naked in his new bathroom at school. Fuck. I bit my lip and saved the picture to my phone. I was going to need that later.

 _Why would you send me that when you know I’m in a car with my parents and I cant do anything about the erection I would obviously get?_ I was so frustrated, like normal frustrated and then sexually frustrated on top of it.

_I forgot ;)_

_no you didn’t, youre just an ass_

_no, if I was an ass I would tell you that I wanted to suck your dick, but I did not_

Is he serious right now? “Mmf.” I heard the noise come out of my mouth, hopefully my parents didn’t hear me because that would be embarrassing.

“You okay back there?” My mom asks.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.”

_I hate you so much._

“You sure?”

“Yes, mother.”

_love you too :*_

-=-

When we finally got to the hotel, I signed into Skype and put my headphones in since I was sharing a room with my parents tonight. I wasn’t going to call Austin first because I was mad at him. I don’t understand why he felt the need to get me hard in the back of a car with my parents less than a foot away from me.

I heard a ding and pressed ‘accept’ and waited.

“Hi pumpkin.” Austin smiles from what I’m assuming to be his desk. I wasn’t sure how his new room was laid out. He was also shirtless because he clearly wants to make me miserable.

“Shut up I’m not talking to you.”

“You just talked to me though.” He laughs.

I stare at him with my most serious face. I had to at least try to make him think I was going to talk to him.

“Come on, Alan.”

I shake my head.

He shrugs. “Fine, since you’re not talking, I’m just going to do something.”

I was kind of curious, but I wasn’t going to break. I hear a drawer open, Austin takes something out of it, and then close it. He stands up a little, then sits down. I had no idea what he was doing and as badly as I wanted to know, I wasn’t going to ask. I hear the unmistakable sound of a lube bottle popping. He wasn’t. “Still not talking?” He asks and brings the bottle into frame and squirts some on his hand.

I bite my lip and shake my head. Not that I really could say something if I wanted to, my parents were in the room; my mom sitting at the table next to the window and my dad intently watching the evening news.

“Fine.” He smirks and scoots his chair back so I could see him.

This was going to be a problem. He starts stroking himself with the hand he put lube on. “Fucking—” He sighs. I was really glad I had headphones in or this could be really awkward for everyone. He goes slowly at first, moving his hand up and down, mumbling curse words to himself before picking up the pace. “Fuck, Alan.”

I could feel myself get a little hard.

“I wish this was you.” He breathes.

Make that a lot hard.

Austin continues to jack himself off until he cums, mumbling my name. I couldn't even believe he jsut did that. He wasn't the adventurous one in the relationship by any means. He sits in his chair for a minute, collecting himself before he brings his chair back to where it was before he decided to kill me.

“You gonna talk now?”

“I hate you.”

Austin laughs as I sign out.

-=-

After I had ‘gotten a shower’ I returned back into the main room. My mom looks up from her place next to my dad. Oh god, she knows. Was I loud?

“How was the water pressure? Sometimes these hotels have terrible water shower, it’s just a sprinkle, how are you supposed to shower with a sprinkle?” She asks, maybe she didn’t know.

“It was good, it could’ve been better but it did the job.” The job of keeping you from hearing me masturbate to my boyfriend.

-=-

“You’re talking to me now right?” Austin asks after I get situated on my bed.

“Kind of.” I mumble.

“Good,” He smiles. “because I can’t do that again.”

“Yeah, I’m going to text you, okay? This is kind of awkward.”

“Is that Austin?” My mom exclaims and gets off her bed and nearly sprints over to where I was. Austin looks worried, he’s probably just now figuring out that my parents were in the room when he was doing that.

I disconnect my headphones. “Yeah, mom.”

“Hi sweetie! Did you have a good summer?” She asks him.

“Hi Mrs. Ashby.” He smiles. “It was good, I learned a lot, so the internship was worth it.”

“You’ll have to tell us all about it on Thursday, you can come out to dinner with us! It’ll be so much fun.”

I sighed. “Mom, come on he doesn’t want to have dinner with you two.”

“Alan!” Austin sighs. “No, he’s wrong, Mrs. Ashby, that sounds amazing, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie. I’ll see you in a couple of days.” My mom smacks the back of my head gently and walks back where she was sitting before she decided to make things awkward

 

-=-=-=-=-=-

**Austin.**

Choosing to live in an apartment was literally one of the best choices I’ve made since I came to Central. Tino and I had our own rooms so we could both have our significant others over and it wouldn’t be awkward. We had an actual living room with a couch and lamps, we had an actual bathroom that we didn’t have to share with twenty other guys who peed all over the place and got their toothpaste all over the sink, and most importantly, we had our own kitchen. It wasn't huge and the appliances were kind of old, but it was a kitchen. I could make romantic dinners for Alan and I to eat on the small table that took up like a fifth of the kitchen area, but hey, at least I didn’t have to eat at my desk.

So because I had a kitchen and because Alan was finally returning to Ohio and most importantly, me, I was making him cookies, just because I could.

I looked from the counter when I heard the front, and only, door open.

“What are you doing?” Phil asks as he closes the door behind him.

“Making some cookies for Alan.”

“When is he moving in?”

“Friday, two days.” I smile I was ecstatic; I got to see my boyfriend tomorrow. I got to hold him in my arms, kiss his face, touch his hair, and tell him how much I love him, in person. It was going to be the best day, even if we did have to take some time out of being with each other to spend with his parents. It would be worth it.

“Why is he moving in with the freshmen?” Phil asks as he leans on the counter. “He’s a sophomore.”

“He wanted to see me?” I mix in some chocolate chips with the dough. “He’s also convinced it will be easier that way, and then Justin can help him move in and he can help Justin move in. I think it’s a good idea.”

“That does makes sense.”

After I had gotten done mixing the chocolate chips in, I set the bowl on the counter. “Why did you come over here?”

Phil scoffs. “Well that was rude.”

“You just opening my door without knocking was rude.”

“Anyway,” Phil rolls his eyes. “I need you to get Shayley to do something for me.”

I narrow my eyes. “What?”

“Well,” Phil pulls a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “that festival idea I had last year got approved.”

“Really? Congratulations! That’s going to be awesome!”

Phil is kind of like a guru of all things RA. He comes up with the best ideas, like this festival thing two weeks after orientation to keep people interested. I mean who would think of that? Guru Phil, that’s who.

“Yeah, thanks.” He smiles. “But anyway, back to Shayley, the school wants to have music by people that go here, I was thinking, Shay’s talented so why not ask him.”

“Why don’t you ask him?” I ask as I plop some cookie dough on the sheet. "He'd do anything to get his music out, why do you think he went to so many open mic nights last year?"

Phil sighs. “Well, you and Shay are closer than Shay and I. Please Austin? I will buy you and Alan a funnel cake, just do this one thing for me.”

“And a drink of our choosing and you have a deal.” I look at him.

“I can’t even take you seriously with that apron on.” He sighs. “But fine, whatever you and Alan want.”

“I’ll do it, then.” This would be easy, Shay wants to play his little acoustic guitar and I want free food. Works for me.

“Thanks.” Phil smiles. “Are these cookies going to be done soon because they look really good.”

“About fifteen minutes?”

“I’ll wait, if you don’t mind.”

“Just don’t eat them all, they are for Alan.”

Phil rolls his eyes and makes his way over to the couch. “I wouldn’t dare think about it.”

-=-

After Phil had stolen three cookies, he left to go organize his room assignments. I was planning on doing the same, until Alan texted me.

_guess who will be dropped off at your door around twelve tomorrow? Hint: it’s me ;)_

I smiled. It sucked that we had to text now, but after my little show on the first night, we decided to text. It was worth it.

_guess who probably won’t sleep tonight because they’ll be so excited? Hint: it’s me ;)_

_lol I’m going kiss you so much like I don’t care if my parents are there like we are k i s s i n g._

_well maybe we can a little, just because you’re cute_

_you only love me for my body :’(_

Well that was part of it, but no matter how cheesy it sounded, I loved everything about Alan.

_and that hair_

Especially the hair.

_:P anyway what are you doing?_

I was going to do some RA stuff but now you’re distracting me so I can’t.

I had to at least make an effort. I grabbed my folder and started going through my residents. I only knew a couple of the guys on the list, mostly from the baseball team.

_watching the food network with my parents. So annoying._

_at least it’s not too long until you see me :)_

Someone named Jake was living above me; apparently he was a sophomore living with someone I recognized to be a football player, just by the last name.

_the only thing making this awkwardness worth it honestly. I think I’m going to go to bed soon, we have to get up early._

_aw okay ): I have to do this ra crap anyway. I love you <3_

I pulled my folder and box of apartment stuff closer to me to check everything off. I had to make sure I had two keys and two forms for each room. And then I had to go around and check everything, then I had to write down what I was going to say to these people when they moved in on Monday. It was going to take a while and I know once Alan gets here I won’t be getting anything done, because he’s the most distracting person on the planet, so tonight had to be the night to get this done.

_I love you too. See you tomorrow <3_


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder that the fully up to date version of this is on mibba. i often forget that this isn't up to date with that one. sorry! i'll try harder.  
> http://www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/513228/Sent-in-Gray/

**Alan**

“Baby it’s just like last year.” My mom smiles from the front seat as we head towards campus. “Except you know where everything is.”

“Yeah.” I nod and look out the window. I just wanted to get to Austin’s apartment. I didn’t care about anything else. I had a one track mind right now.

“Anthony, let’s go look at TRAC that way we can see where we need to park for moving my baby in tomorrow.”

“Mom! You said we were going to straight to Austin’s room, then you were leaving to go to the hotel.”

“It’s just a couple of minutes.” She sighs. “You’ll live.”

“Mom!”

“Alan, calm down, Austin will still be there when you get there.”

-=-

After my mom had decided where my dad would need to park tomorrow, they drove the rest of the way to Austin’s apartment.

“I’m guessing you don’t want us to come with you.” My mom asks as we get closer.

“You’re right.”

She sighs. “I guess we’ll just see him at dinner.”

“I guess you will.”

“Meet us at the restaurant at six okay?”

I nod as my dad pulls in front of the apartments. “Will do.”

“I love you, don’t get into trouble.”

“I love you, too.” I grab my phone and hop out of the car quickly.

There were a total of twelve apartments in Austin's building, four on each floor. Austin’s was apartment six and it was on the second floor. I was really curious to see the inside; I didn’t know anyone who lived in the apartments last year, so I never got to see. I was also excited to see who lived around Austin, but of course, I would have to wait until people started moving in for that.

I walked up the two flights of stairs until I’m on the second floor. Austin’s room was on the left side, on the opposite side of the stairs, next to railing that looked over the apartment complex, a girls only apartment, and a co-ed were included in this, and you could see the back of the humanities building in the background.

I knocked on the door and waited for Austin to answer.

The door opens and a huge smiles forms on my face when the door opens. Austin looks like he just woke up; he was shirtless with his sweatpants hanging low enough for me to see his boxer briefs just a little bit.

“You’re early.” He smiles as I close the small gap between us, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head against his chest, his arms around my shoulders. He presses a kiss to top of my head. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” I smile against his skin. I finally felt really happy again.

“Come on,” Austin pulls away from me. “I made you cookies.”

I smiled and took his hand as he led me inside, locking the door behind us. “Phil likes to randomly pop in.” Austin sighs. “Not happening right now.”

Austin leans down and kisses me softly, moving his lips gently against mine; I bring my free hand up to hold Austin’s cheek, caressing it softly. Austin pulls back shortly after. “Want a tour?”

Honestly, I wanted to kiss more, but I suppose we had six hours to do that, until we had to meet my parents. “Sure.”

“Then I can make you lunch, unless you already ate.”

I shake my head. “I haven’t eaten yet.”

“I’ll make you whatever you want.” He smiles. “But first, tour.” He leads me out of the living room/kitchen area and into a small hallway, then through a door. There wasn’t much in the room, a bed, a desk and chair, and a dresser. “This is Tino’s room, that’s why there’s nothing in it.”

“And you’re showing me this because?”

“It’s the effect.” He smiles. “Alright, next room.” He leads me out of Tino’s room and to the next door. “This is my room.”

Austin opens the door and I follow him, looking around. He had the same furniture as Tino, but it was set up in his own way. His double bed was parallel to his closet, his dresser, which had a decent sized TV on it, as well as a DVD player, was across from his bed. He had his bedside table on his side of the bed and nothing on the other side other than a blue plastic box that held some stuff he hadn’t put away yet. The desk was pushed up against the wall next to the window and had what I was assuming to be RA stuff spread out all over it. He also had a spinny chair again, I was secretly jealous. The Slipknot poster was back, again, on his closet, but then I noticed another poster, this one of a small calico cat looking a garden. “Is that new?” I ask and point to it.

Austin looks over. “Yeah, my boss got it for me.”

“That’s kind of weird.” I smile.

“She got it for me because she knew it reminded me of you.” Austin shuffles his feet a little.

“Really?” I wasn’t going to mention that calico cats are almost always female and that was kind of offensive, because the cuteness of having a painting remind him of me was outweighing the offensiveness.

Austin nods. “Yeah, I kind of looked at it every day.”

I smiled. “That’s really cute.” I lean and kiss him softly. I wasn’t really sure how I got so lucky.

“I try.” He smiles.

“Is your bed comfy?” I ask and walk over to it.

“It’s decent, I had to go and get more of those foam things, though.” Austin smiles as I climb onto it.

“This isn’t too bad.” I lie back and cuddle into Austin’s blankets, they smelled like him.

Austin smiles and climbs on top of me. “I guess the tour is stopping here?”

I reach up and move the longer pieces of hair out of his face, I guess he hadn’t had time to get it cut yet. “Just a minor detour.”

Austin leans down and kisses me softly, moving his lips against my own. He pulls back. “We didn’t even make it twenty minutes.”

“You shouldn’t have answered the door looking so attractive then.”

Austin slides the hand the he wasn’t using to hold himself up under my shirt and touches right where my tattoo is. “I woke up and answered the door, it’s not like I knew you were going to get aroused from that.” Austin smirks.

“You could be covered in dog puke and honestly I’d still want to have sex with you.” I move my hands down his chest and to his boxers.

Austin grimaces. “Gross.” Austin slides his hand further up my shirt. “But, regardless, this needs to go.” I lean up and help him take me shirt off the rest of the way.

He kisses down my stomach, leaving tiny bite marks occasionally. It felt so good to be back, to feel him with me and just be with him. I feel his hand slide to the fly of my jeans and pop the button as he’s kissing, he pulls the zipper down. “Lift.” He looks up only for a second, so I could hear him, before he looks down again as I lift my hips up enough for him to pull my pants down. He ends up pulling my underwear down as well, which was good because I don’t have time to wait around. I needed my boyfriend now.

“Looks like someone is over dressed.” I comment as Austin pushes my pants off the bed.

“I’m getting there.” He mumbles and gets off the bed. He walks over to his backpack and opens the front pocket, I guess he hadn’t had time to put condoms in his bedside drawer.

“Well get there quicker.” I pout from his bed.

-=-

“I love you so much.” Austin mumbles against my shoulder as he thrusts, coming dangerously close to my spot. He bites a little before kissing up my shoulder, to my neck, to my lips. Austin thrusts in again, this time hitting where I so desperately needed him to. “Fuck,” I mumble against his lips. Austin repeats this process several times before spitting on his hand and starting to jack me in time with his thrusts. “Austin,” I moan breathily.

“I’m close,” Austin informs me by half moaning. I lean up and kiss him, rubbing my hands along his rib cage. He had gotten thinner since the last time I saw him, probably because he walked pretty much everywhere, and while I though Austin was beautiful before, I did like his new slender frame. “Alan,” Austin moans, and I feel him cum, he was still lazily thrusting, and jacking, even though that was lazier than his thrusts. Luckily, I was close as well. I lean up and kiss Austin hard on the lips, moaning against them as I cum onto Austin’s stomach.

-=-

“Don’t go to sleep.” Austin mumbles sleepily as he rubs my back. “We need to finish the tour.”

I lightly kiss his chest. “That’s why you won’t let me take a nap? Because I need to see the room I already saw?”

“Yeah,”

“You’re mean.”

-=-

Austin and I did end up falling asleep, but I woke up before him, so I slid my underwear on and headed out into his kitchen to get some food. There were still a couple of hours until we had to meet my parents.

I opened the Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies on the counter and take one out, I didn’t want to spoil my dinner, and take a bite. I wonder if Austin had any information about my dorm and the people I would be living with, obviously other than Justin. I headed back into his room and walked over to his desk, shoving the rest of the cookie in my mouth. I was going to get so fat if Austin made me treats all the time.

There were notebooks upon notebooks on his desk. There was the folder he got last year that I was jealous over, a folder that read ‘resident information’ in Austin’s handwriting, and one that I recognized from last year, the one he was always scribbling in when he was upset. The part that wrapped around the metal piece that held the paper together was worn with continuous flipping, junior year 3 was written on the front in Austin’s loopy, almost feminine handwriting. I bit my lip and ran my fingers over it. I really wanted to read it, too see what Austin was thinking. I moved it a little so I could see what the other notebooks said; volumes one and two were beneath it, two on top of one.

Fuck.

I was so curious, Austin was so private sometimes, and it was right here. But so was Austin, he was sleeping and if he caught me, he would be so angry.

So I left it and climbed back into bed with Austin.

-=-

“Hey Mr. and Mrs. Ashby.” Austin smiles when we get to the restaurant.

“How are you sweetie?” My mom asks as she hugs him.

“I’m great, and you?”

“Well, I’m good despite Alan growing up.” She frowns a little when she looks at me. “Anyway, sit, sit, let’s eat!”

I slide into the booth and Austin slides in next to me, resting his hand on my leg under the table as he picks the menu up with his free hand. Someone’s getting a little ballsy around my parents.

“So, obviously we’re going to start the conversation by asking how your internship was.” My dad smiles at Austin. I really wanted to roll my eyes, but decided against it.

“It was really good, like I said; I learned a lot and made some valuable connections.” Austin rubs my knee a little. “I got a job offer, too.”

What? He didn’t tell me about a job offer.

“You did? That’s great!” My mom coos.

Austin nods. “Yeah, it’s at the same place I worked over the summer, Sam, she was my boss, said that if I didn’t have a job offer by the end of the year to call her and I could work there until I found something better.”

“That’s awesome, Austin, we’re really proud of you.” My mom smiles.

“Thanks.”

Obviously, I was proud of Austin, I know how hard he works, but at the same time, I assumed that we were going to be able to be together this summer. Maybe go somewhere for a week, somewhere romantic, but now that he has a job offer, this was going to derail my plans.

-=-

“So you’re turning the big two-one this year?” My dad asks Austin.

“You could have just said twenty one.” I comment and take a drink of my coke. “Would’ve made more sense.”

Austin looks over at me, giving me a weird look, then turns back to my dad. “Yes, sir, I’ll be twenty-one at the end of September.”

My dad nods. “You understand my concern then?”

Austin nods. “You don’t want Alan to drink?”

My dad shrugs. “I mean, he’s in college, he’s going to do what he wants.” My dad also knew that I drank with Austin before. “I’m just concerned about partying because I know it’s going to happen and I don’t want either of you to get into trouble.”

“I’ll take good care of him.” Austin smiles.

-=-=-=-=-=-

“Justin!” Justin runs over to me and hugs me tightly. I was so happy to see my best friend, the only other person, besides Austin, who could turn my frown upside down. “My favorite roommate ever.”

“This is either going to be the worst decision or the best decision I have ever made.” He laughs. “Rooming with you, goodness.” Justin releases me.

“Hello Justin.” My mom smiles. “It’s nice to see you again.” She grabs Justin and pulls him into a huge hug.

“It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Ashby.”

“Let the boy go, April.” My dad sighs, she reluctantly listens.

“Thanks Mr. Ashby, I love your hugs and all Mrs. Ashby, but I also love to breathe.”

“So should we go find your RA? What’s his name? Alex?” My mom asks.

“Yeah.” I look at Justin who laughs a little.

“Alright well you two go take care of that and your father and I are going to take the car over to TRAC.”

\--=-

“What do you think our RA looks like?” Justin asks as we head towards the Student Affairs office.

“Well I’m going to just assume that he isn’t as cute as the one I had last year.”

Justin rolls his eyes. “Where is he, anyway?”

“He’s helping some of the RAs in Oak move their freshman in.” I was very annoyed when I arrived on campus this morning, only to find that I couldn’t hang out with him until later, when again, we went out to dinner with my parents.

“How fun for him.” Justin laughs as he opens the door.

I look up as Phil looks at us from behind the desk, his usually long, free hair was pulled back into pony tail and he was looking something up on the computer. “Hello Alan and Justin.” He smiles. “You’re moving in today right? TRAC west?”

“You’re not our RA are you? Because you said you were staying at Oak.” Justin blurts out.

Phil blinks. “No, I’m not your RA, Alex’s flight got delayed.”

“Oh thank god.” Justin breathes.

“Wow, that hurt.” Phil sighs. “Anyway, I guess I have to let you two into your room, right?”

I nod. “If you don’t mind.”

“Come with me.” He gets up. “I don’t know who decided that you two living together would be a good idea.”

-=-

After Phil had given me my key and made me look over the room, he left, much to Justin’s relief.

“Should we move the furniture before we get your parents?” Justin asks.

I nod. “Yeah, let me just text her and tell her we’ll be down in a couple of minutes.”

Justin walks over to the furniture. “We’re keeping them this height, right?” Justin asks in reference to our beds, which we just tall enough to put a dresser under it.

“Yeah, I’m not having my bed up near the ceiling again, that was scary.”

Justin laughs. “I thought we would put a dresser or something over by the window that way we could sit and watch the boys.”

I roll my eyes with a smile on my face. “That works for me.”

“I figured it would.” Justin smiles. “In my drawing I have our beds across from each other, and then our desks could be in the other corner on the wall with the window, but I’m not sure how this is going to work now.”

-=-

We ended up putting our beds across from each other, like Justin had suggested, then put one dresser under each bed, and left room for fridges, we put one of the desks near the window, so we could sit on it to do our creeping, then we put the other desk next to the armoire. The microwave was going inside the armoire, because we had nowhere else to put it, so it would be going on top of Justin’s little wooden table that he would bring when he moved in Monday. I was really hoping that everything fit in here, I was starting to worry a little, but as of now, it was working, and if ended up not working, we could move it around.

“Which bed do you want?” Justin asks as we walk down to my parent’s car.

“I don’t care. I’m just glad that Austin will be able to sleep in my room without nearly dying while trying to get on my bed.”

Justin laughs. “I thought you would be spending more time in his room.”

“I probably will be, but you know, it’s nice to have the option.”

“Right, anyway, I think you should take the bed closer to the window because I like to be warm when I sleep.”

“Oh, I know.” I smile. “You are also a cuddler.”

“Andy likes it.” He sticks out his tongue.

“Not Andy.”

-=-

My mom had just finished disinfecting every surface in my new room.

“Who do you think is going to be your suitemate?” She asks as she begins to lay out my bed padding.

“I don’t know, they didn’t tell us that in the packet.” Now that everything was in the room, Justin and I were putting my clothes away while my dad went and got my books in the bookstore.

“Wouldn’t you just die if it was Shayley?” Justin laughs as he grabs some hangers to hang up my sweatshirts. I was really glad we decided to move us in one at a time, that way we could take our time and not be rushed.

“Who’s Shayley?” My mom asks.

Justin puts a sweater on a hanger while looking at me.

“He’s Austin’s ex-boyfriend.” I mumble as I shove a stack of t shirts in my drawer.

“Oh, that would be a little awkward wouldn’t it?” She sets the third and final layer of my bed padding down before beginning to put the sheet on.

“Yeah, just a tad.”

-=-

“Look who I ran into while getting your books, Alan.” My dad smiles as he sets the bag down on Justin’s bed. Austin was awkwardly standing behind him.

“Hello Ashbys and Trotta.” He smiles. “Your room looks nice, not how I would have laid it out, but it works.” He walks over to me and kisses my cheek softly. “Unfortunately, I can’t stay long, the freshman need me.” He sighs. “I’ll see you guys at seven, right?” He asks my dad.

“You’ve got it.” My dad smiles and pats him on the back. “Just meet us here; we’re only going out for burgers.”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you guys later.”

“Would you like to come with us, Justin?” My mom asks as she finishes up on my bed.

“Oh, no thank you, Mrs. Ashby, my boyfriend’s coming down tonight.”

“Oh,” She smiles. “Well you two have fun.”

“I’m sure we will.”

-=-

“Alan baby, we’re going to drop your dad off at the hotel after we eat, then we’re going to the grocery store to get you some food and toilet paper.” My mom states as we pull into the local burger place. “Austin would you like to come with us?”

“I don’t have anything else to do, Mrs. Ashby, so why not?” Austin smiles at me.

“Good, it’ll be a fun a little trip then.”

“So much fun.”

-=-

Austin was rubbing my knee again, I wasn’t really sure where this sudden fascination with touching me while I ate, but I kind of liked it.

“So Austin,” My dad starts. “what does your dad do? We haven’t heard a lot about him.”

Austin moves his hand from my leg. “Um, he works a couple jobs, he’s a janitor at the elementary school, and then he does some construction when the weather allows it.”

My dad nods. “That’s good.” I could tell my dad felt a little awkward, I don’t think he realized that Austin didn’t come from a family like ours, he was probably expecting his dad to be a doctor or a lawyer or something, I don’t know. “What about your mom?” This was not going well, at all.

“Um, she passed away.” Austin moves his French fry through his ketchup, looking down slightly.

“Oh,” My mom leans across the table and pats his hand. “We’re sorry dear.”

Now it was my turn to rub Austin’s knee under the table, with a hint of support to it.

-=-

My mom was about ten feet ahead of Austin and I. We kept getting distracted by all of the weird food in the aisles.

“Would it be weird if I bought condoms while we’re here? I’m almost out.” Austin whispers as he wraps his arms around me from behind, looking at cookies in front of us.

“Extremely weird and my mom would probably have a fit.” I laugh as I pick up a box of vanilla wafers.

“What if I hid it really well? Because I know you, you’re horny all the damn time.” He mumbles and lets go of me, smacking my ass as I turn towards my mom to put the cookies in the cart.

“Do what you want; I’ll be buying more junk food.”

“Come with me?”

“You never ask me that when we’re in bed.” I laugh and poke his stomach. Luckily my mom had moved farther away from us.

Austin laughs and grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together. "Let’s go find your mom, I’ll get some eventually."


	4. four

**Alan.**

“Did your mom cry when you dropped her off?” Austin asks as he hands me four stacks of paper. “Staple these?”

“Of course she did, my dad had to drag her into the airport.” I roll my eyes and take the stacks of paper from him. “What are these?” I look at it briefly while scooting back into Austin’s pillows.

“She just loves you.” He smiles. “Those are the agreements and info sheets for the apartments, can you just staple like one of each pile together?”

“I guess.” I roll my eyes. I really didn’t mind, I just liked making Austin think that I did. “I know she does but it’s not like she hasn’t gone through this before.”

“My dad always gets a little teary eyed when he leaves after helping me move in. He tried to not let me see it, but I do. It’s just a parent thing.” Austin shrugs and hands me a blue stapler.

“Your dad doesn’t seem like the type.”

“He’s not, the only time I’ve like _seen_ him cry was at my mom’s funeral, other than that he just turns away misty eyed.”

I stapled the first set of four papers, I didn’t really know what to say, so I just went on with my stapling.

“Anyway, what do you want to do for dinner?” Austin spins around in his chair.

“Whatever you want.” I smile.

Austin sighs. “This is how this conversation always goes.”

“Well, I honestly don’t care, like I’ll eat McDonald’s if you want McDonald’s or if you want pancakes or something I’ll eat that.”

-=-

After I had stapled twenty four packets, plus a few extra, and Austin had done whatever he was doing, he decided that we were having pizza delivered, which was fine with me. I loved Austin’s apartment, how it felt like a little home not just where I was sleeping. Of course, it could just be Austin that made me feel that way, made me feel happy and safe, but I wasn't sure. Maybe it was both.

“Hello.” Austin waves his hand in front of my face.

“What?”

“Do you want cheesy breadsticks or the plain ones?” Austin smiles.

“Um, plain,” I also wanted that garlic dip stuff, what was it called? “with the garlic syrup.”

“Garlic syrup?” Austin starts to laugh. “That has to be one of the best things you’ve ever said. I can’t wait to tell Tino.”

“Shut up I forgot what it was called.” I whine in my defense.

Austin continues laughing as he messes with his computer to order the pizza. “Sauce?”

“It’s the same thing!”

“No, it’s not.” Austin smiles as he gets his wallet out.

“Whatever.”

“I’m just messing with you; I think it’s cute when you say weird things.” Austin kisses my cheek.

I roll my eyes. “You’re still mean.”

“I love you.” He smiles.

-=-

Austin looks at me as he sets the pizza boxes on the counter next to the sink. “You’re just going to lay there? I got you pizza.”

I look over at him. “Can you bring me mine?” I stick my bottom lip out. I was so comfortable on his couch, we were about to start _Game of Thrones_ , and he was already up. It made sense.

Austin gets two paper plates from his cabinet. “I guess, do you want your garlic syrup?”

I sighed, he had been laughing about that since it happened, something I found very annoying, it wasn’t even that funny. “Yes I want my garlic syrup.”

Austin laughs while loading up our plates. “You want something to drink?”

“Yeah.”

I look up as Austin sets two plates down on the coffee table. “I’ll get that for you, princess.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything else?”

I shake my head. “No.”

-=-

Austin and I were on episode three, this show was so addicting. I was lying on Austin, my head resting on his chest, his hands rubbing tiny circles into the small of my back. If I wasn’t so interested in this show, I would be turned on.

“Can we watch another episode?” I ask hopefully.

Austin laughs a little. “It’s almost eleven.”

“Your point?”

“I’m tired.”

“Are you kidding?” I move so I was looking at him instead of the TV.

“No.”

“But,” I whine. “it’s just starting to get good.”

“We have all day tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

“Let’s go to bed, okay?”

-=-

I had returned from the bathroom, wide awake, to Austin still passed out. He had rolled from his previous position on his side, to his stomach. Soft snores were escaping his mouth, he looked really adorable. So adorable that I couldn’t wake him up so he could entertain me. I know he’s tired because he’s pretty much been going since he left for D.C. and now he’s back and going back to his old routine.

But since he was asleep, what could I do? I didn’t want to start the next episode of _Game of Thrones_ without him, and I didn’t want to watch a rerun of _Hoarders_ because that show freaks me out.

Then I remembered the notebooks I was so curious about. They were still out, I saw them when I set the stapled papers on his desk. Just a peek wouldn’t hurt?

I walked over to his desk, making sure that he was still asleep. I find the first notebook, which was green and look at it. If I was going to look at this, I didn’t want to do it in here.

-=-

 _September 12, 2012_ was the first entry, it was also the first day we met.

_today was insane, first time that I’ve started college single. I saw Shayley today, too, he seems to be doing fine, he already moved on to some asshole that has a chain wallet. WHO HAS A CHAIN WALLET ANYMORE?_

I couldn’t help but laugh at Austin’s outrage over a chain wallet. He’s the cutest.

_but even though he’s moved on, I can’t help but still have feelings for him. He’s **Shayley**. I can’t just stop. Dad tells me that I should go cold turkey and just stop seeing him, but I can’t. _

Maybe there would be more about Shayley in future entries? If I even read that far. This was kind of weird.

_on the subject of boys, I saw the cutest one today. He’s one of my residents, so I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to think that he’s cute. His name is Alan and he has this ridiculously bright orange hair, but I love it. He’s just really cute. If I was going to try and move on from Shayley, I want to try with this kid._

He thought _I_ was cute the first day? I looked like shit and my mom embarrassed me, how was that cute?

-=-

After I had read a couple of entries, I decided that I needed to go to sleep and to just _stop._ I walked into Austin’s room and placed the notebook where I found it, under the blue number two notebook, then I walked over to Austin’s bed and climbed in.

“What’s going on?” Austin asks sleepily. “Where’d you go?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” I pull his blanket up over me and snuggle up to him.

“Mmm, okay, well, I love you.” He mumbles.

“I love you, too.”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Austin was sitting on Justin’s bare bed; I was putting the finishing touches on my side, hanging up pictures, making sure all of the stuff was ready for class on Wednesday, and getting ready for Justin’s move in tomorrow.

“Which Disney picture should I put next to my bed?” I ask Austin and hold up the one with Cinderella and the one with Snow White.

Austin doesn’t look up from his textbook. “Um, Snow White.” He was trying to read the first unit before classes started. I don’t blame him, this was his senior year, but at the same time, hello, boyfriend.

“Are you sure? This is going to be here all year.” I get my package of sticky tack and wait for Austin to verify.

“Yes, I’m sure. You look adorable in both of them so it doesn’t matter.”

I sigh and put the sticky tack on the back of the picture, then put it next to my bed, along with other pictures of Austin and me. “Do you want this other one, then?” I ask.

“Yeah, if you don’t.”

I slide off my bed and set the picture on my desk. “It’s over here, whenever you want to stop studying and get it.”

“Alright.” Austin doesn’t look up from his book.

I sigh loudly and walk over to Justin’s bed and climb on. “Pay attention to me.” I kiss his shoulder.

“Alan,” Austin doesn’t look at me; instead he continues to read about the French Revolution. “I’m trying to read this chapter.”

“How much longer?”

“I don’t know.”

I roll my eyes and climb off the bed. “I’m going to be over here.” How could I distract him from his book? I take my shirt off, then slide my basketball shorts down.

“Okay.” Austin continues reading.

“Naked.”

“You’re not naked, Alan.”

I shove my underwear down, then pick them quickly. I smirk to myself then throw them at him, making sure that he would get hit with them. It’s not that I needed to have sex right now, I just wanted Austin to pay attention to me instead of reading about French people. Is that bad?

Austin looks up after the underwear hit him. “Oh,” He tosses his book to the side and jumps off Justin’s bed. I really don’t think I’ve seen someone get undressed _that_ quickly.

-=-

“I think this is the longest you’ve stayed awake after.” Austin comments.

“You act like you’re upset about it.” I mumble against his purple hibiscus tattoo.

“Nope, not upset at all.” Austin drags his hand down my back, his nail catching a little, scratching me. It hurt, but I kind of liked it.

“You are, you want to read your dumb text book.”

Austin sighs. “I only have one more chapter and then I’m all yours.”

“Will you get me ice cream?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Can we watch _Game of Thrones_ all night?”

“Until I get so tired I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“Fine, but I’m sleeping on you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

-=-

“Justin moves in today.” I tell Austin as I set a bowl of cereal in front of him. “Along with all of my other hall mates.”

“You excited?” Austin smiles as he stirs his cheerios around.

“Obviously. I want to know who I’m sharing a bathroom with, and I want to meet the mysterious Alex the RA.”

“He’s kind of a douche.”

“You’re just making that up.”

“You’re right, I am. I’ve never met him before.” Austin laughs. “How about we agree that I’m the only RA that you think is cute?”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, because I have some sort of weird RA fetish.”

“I mean, you might.” Austin smirks. “You certainly have a me fetish.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Yes it does. You know what doesn’t make sense? Garlic syrup.” Austin laughs to himself. “I still can’t believe you said that.”

“We get it, I say dumb things.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m sorry, pumpkin, does it help if I tell you that I think that you’re wonderful and amazing and perfect?” He gives me his best charming smile.

“You’re off the hook for now, only because I’m excited, but keep it up and I’ll spank you.”

“What if I like being spanked?” Austin counters, slightly raising one eyebrow.

I nearly choke on my spoonful of cereal. “You’re just now telling me this?”

Austin shakes his head. “No? I don’t know. I was kidding, but since you took it so seriously, I mean I guess if you _really_ wanted to, you could, I wouldn’t mind at all.”

“You like it, just admit it.”

“Okay, a little.”

-=-

“Oh, hey Andy, I didn’t realize you were helping.” I grab one of Justin’s plastic boxes and head towards the door.

“Yeah, I don’t start classes until Monday, so I thought Justin begged me to help and stay until Wednesday.” Andy smiles.

“Oh,” I nod and walk up the stairs. It’s not that I didn’t like Andy; I just didn’t really understand why he had to stay with us. I guess I could stay with Austin if they got too annoying.

“Where’s Austin?”

“He’s an RA so he’s making sure his residents move in and shit. It’s super annoying.” I laugh.

“I bet.” Andy sets his box on Justin’s bed and I set mine next to it.

-=-

“Alan!” Justin grabs my arm and pulls me into our room.

“What?”

“Guess who just met our neighbors downstairs while Andy was buying me a smoothie?”

“You did.” I grab his drink and take a sip.

“Yes, I did, well I guess Andy did, too, but regardless. They are _German brothers,_ Alan.” Justin takes his cup from me. “And they are _so_ cute.”

“Really?” I ask with a smile. There were no really cute guys in my hall last year except Austin, obviously.

“Yes, ugh, Alan, this is torture.”

“Are they twins?” That’s really the only thing that could make this situation better.

“I don’t think so.” Justin sighs. “One of them is way taller than the other one and they have these amazing muscles and this is going to _kill me._ ”

“Way to be descriptive. What are their names?”

“Um the tall one is Kaleb, the shorter one had some weird name that started with a M, I couldn’t really understand what their parents were saying, it was broken English mixed with German. Imagine, Alan, how global we are going to be now that we have foreign hall mates.”

“I like the sound of this.”

“You like the sound of what?” Andy asks as he hops onto Justin’s bed. “Oh, you two were talking about your new neighbors, huh?”

Justin nods. “Yes.”

“Don’t get any ideas.”

“I can look though, right?” Justin turns and looks at Andy, giving him what I’m guessing is a puppy, pouty face.

“If you look with your eyes and not your hands.”

“Obviously I don’t look with my hands, Andy. That’s called touching.”

-=-

“I spy a soccer team flag.” Justin tells me as he peeks out of the door.

“You think they play soccer?” I ask as I check my phone, the text reading ‘idk’ from Austin, I had asked him when he would be done, hoping that it would be soon because he promised that we could go get dinner at Applebee’s, but of course, he was taking forever.

“Hopefully, because sometimes they take their shirts off and I bet he has a _nice_ body.”

I hear Andy sigh, then watch as Justin turns around and walks over to him. “You have a nice body, too, baby.”

 _oh okay, well let me know :/_ I quickly text back Austin, turning away from the baby talk and kissing that was happening less than seven feet from me.

_it might be a while, things are kind of hectic over here, everyone decided to show up later for whatever reason this is not what I signed up for!_

I smiled a little. _I’ll make it better later?_

Andy and Justin were still going on all over each other. “Justin, want to go to see who is sharing our bathroom?”

Justin looks up. “I guess we could.”

“Good because you two are going to make me throw up.” I sigh and climb off my bed. “Let’s go.”

Justin kisses Andy quickly then hops his bed off.

-=-

“It should be this one, right?” Justin asks as we arrive at 2C. “I mean, our room is 2D so, that would be right, right?”

“I would assume.” I push Justin a little. “Knock on the door.” It was kind of cracked, probably so it would be easier to move stuff in.

“You knock, it was your idea.”

“You’re friendlier.”

“No I’m not.”

“Uh, Alan?” I look up to see Vince standing next to Justin with a box in his hand. “What are you doing?”

“Seeing who lives here.”

“I live there.” Vince laughs. “Why?”

“Oh, we share a bathroom with you, then.” I smile, easier than expected.

“No way!” He smiles.

“Yes way!” I smile, I was kind of excited, Vince was a great guy and it’s good to have someone who is a friend in your hall. “Who is your roommate?”

“Um, Simon? I don’t think you know him, but he was over at our room sometimes, you’d probably know him if you saw him.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

-=-

“You’ll never guess who my suitemate is.” I smile as I take a bite of the cheese sticks appetizer we were sharing. Austin had finally gotten finished with his residents and met me at Applebee’s about five minutes ago.

“Do I actually have to guess? I’m tired.” He sighs and looks over the menu.

I sigh. “I guess not.”

“Well tell me, I’m sitting on the edge of my seat.”

Austin was lying; he was actually pushed back into his side of the booth. “It’s Vince.”

“Really?” He looks at me over his menu. “That’s good.”

I nod. “Yeah, and there’s these two really hot brothers that live across the hall.”

Austin sighs. “Wow.”

“They’re from Germany according to Justin. I haven’t talked to them, only saw them.”

“Well I doubt Justin would lie.” Austin mumbles.

“Are you jealous?”

“No, why would I be jealous?”

“Because I told you that I found other boys attractive.”

“Nope, not jealous.” I think he is.

“Okay.”

“Well now that that’s settled, what are you getting?” Austin asks as he sets his menu down.


	5. five

**Alan.**

“How was history?” Austin asks me after I walk out of my classroom. Luckily, Austin and I both had history classes on Wednesdays, his let how fifteen minutes earlier than mine, but at least we got to walk to and from class together.

I lace my finger with his. “My professor is so weird, Austin, he stood on a desk, on the first day.”

Austin laughs. “He did that when I had him, too. He’s awesome though.”

“I hope so because I nearly had a panic attack.”

“Why?”

“Because I was caught off guard, all of a sudden there’s this bearded man climbing on a desk, and then begins to talk about class expectations, I just didn’t understand what the hell was happening.”

Austin laughs again. “You have so much to learn.”

-=-

“So I know there’s still twenty five days until your birthday, but what do you want?” I ask as Austin lays his backpack on his bed.

“Um, I don’t know? Go and get drunk?” Austin laughs. “Actually, that reminds me, I have the second part of your birthday present.” Austin smiles and walks over to his desk. Part one was a really adorable card that arrived the day before my birthday, and a very sexy Skype. “Sorry, I kind of forgot.” He hands me an envelope.

“It’s fine, I know you’re really busy.”

“But it’s your birthday, you know? And it was like three months ago, I should’ve done something before you left.” Austin looks down.

“Austin, it’s not like it was some amazing year like turning eighteen or twenty one, it was nineteen. You got me a card, that’s enough.” I open it and pull out an ID. It looked similar to my driver’s license. “What is this?”

“It’s a fake ID so you can go to bars with me.” He smiles. “Even though you can get in with yours, now you can drink, too. You told me you were practicing.”

It’s true, I was; Natalie was helping me so I wouldn’t make an ass out of myself on Austin’s birthday or any other time. “Oh, um, thanks?”

“You don’t like it?” Austin sighs. “I knew it was dumb, I’m sorry.”

“No, Austin, it’s very _creative_?”

Austin scrunches his face. “Part three will be better, I promise you.”

“What is part three?”

“You’ll see.”

“I’m scared.”

“Don’t be.” He smiles and kisses me. “You’ll like it.”

“I hope so.” I sigh and shove the fake ID in my wallet. “Anyway, what do you want for your birthday?”  
Austin nibbles on his lip. “You, in those teal underwear, in my bed when I come back from class.”

“That’s it?”

“With chocolate cake, whipped vanilla frosting, and Oreos on top.”

“Seriously?”

“And whipped cream or peanut butter, surprise me.” Austin smiles. Oh god, he wanted to get kinky, and as someone who has never kinky with food before, I’m not sure if I can. But I would try.

“You’re a freak.”

“I am not.” Austin smiles. “I just want birthday sex.”

“Well obviously you were going to get that regardless, so what do you really want?”

“I don’t know.” I could tell there was something that he wanted, he just didn’t want to tell me.

“There has to be something you want.”

“An iTunes card?” He shrugs and sits on his bed, moving so he was leaning against his pillows.

I sigh and climb on top of him, straddling his hips. Not in a sexual way or anything, more so he had to tell me. “I’m not getting you an iTunes card for your twenty first birthday.”

Austin rests his hands on my thighs. “I seriously don’t know, I mean I have everything I need.”

“I’m not going to ask you again.”

“A Nerf gun.” Austin sighs. “So I can shoot Tino.”

I laugh a little until I realize that he’s serious. “Really?”

“Are you ten years old?”

“You asked, Alan.”

I lean in and kiss him. “If that’s what you really want.”

“Well just to be clear, I want you in my bed with the cake more than I want the Nerf gun.” Austin smiles. “And I _really_ want the Nerf gun.”

“Then that’s what I’ll get you.”

“I never asked you what you wanted for your birthday.” Austin sighs. “Tell me.”

“Um, I wanted a new case for my iPhone, but a fake ID is good.” I could use it, now that Austin could legally get into twenty one plus clubs, I would want to go with him.

“I’ll get you one.” Austin smiles. “Since I was stupid and didn’t ask you.”

“No, I already told you, it’s the thought that counts.”

“I don’t care.” He kisses me.

-=-

“Thought you would sleep over at Austin’s tonight.” Justin smiles from his bed, a very large text book spread across his lap.

“Yeah, I was going to, but Austin has homework.” I climb onto my bed and look over at Justin. “How was your class?”

“Terrible, I have to do two sections, each are twenty problems, from one class, then I have to read two chapters for my other class.”

“That sucks.”

“Tell me about it. What about you?”

“No homework, just a crazy professor who climbs on things, but Austin said that he does it all the time? And then in genetics I have to read, so I might do that soon, and we have that hall meeting, we finally get to meet our mysterious RA. Maybe I’ll just sit here and remind myself that my boyfriend wants a Nerf gun for his twenty first birthday so he can shoot his roommate.”

Justin laughs. “That has to be the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Try living it.”

“Maybe he wants to have like kinky Nerf gun sex with it, and using the ‘shoot my roommate’ thing is like a way so you don’t find out until he brings it out and bam.”

I shake my head. “That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.” I copy Justin’s answer.

-=-

It turns out that Alex wasn’t so mysterious after all. He was normal, actually. He had kind of spikey brown hair and green eyes. He was tall and muscly. And most importantly, to Justin at least, he didn’t give a single fuck about being an RA.

“I know you guys are going to drink because you’re in college, and my only rule with that is; don’t let me see it.” Alex sighs. “Because if I see it, then I have to write you up for underage drinking and tell campus safety and it’s just a huge fucking mess and honestly, I don’t want to deal with the paperwork, so do what you need to do, just keep your door closed and don’t leave your bottles out when I do bathroom checks because, again, I have to write you up.”

I looked over at Justin who looked like he just received a million dollars.

“Anyway, bathroom checks are random and I don’t do them all at the same time because I really don’t have time to, so yours might be early in the month, it might be late in the month, you never know, so just keep your shit clean because if it’s dirty I’m going to yell at you. Anyway, good talk, you can go now or if you have questions you can come ask me.”

Justin looks over at me. “He is perfect and I’m glad we have him.”

“I’d rather have Austin as my RA.” I mumble as we start walking towards the stairwell.

“Of course you would, because let’s face it, now you’re going to be doing the walk of shame.”

“Why would I be doing the walk of shame? I’ll just take clothes with me.”

“You say that now.”

“What are you even talking about?” I ask as Justin opens our door.

“I’m saying that you’ll go over there and he’ll be like ‘sex’ and you’ll be like ‘okay’ and then you won’t have clothes with you and you’ll walk over here and I will laugh.”

“Or I just wear his clothes.”

Justin blinks. “You’ll do it at least once.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll do it at least once.” I roll my eyes and climb into my bed. I wasn't going to do the walk of shame, let's be real here.

-=-

Around three in the morning, I was awoken by a text. Since there were only four people that I have vibrate turned on at all times for, and one of them was sleeping five feet away from me, it was either my parents or Austin.

I felt around for my phone on my mattress until I found it, then slowly I opened my eyes so I didn’t blind myself, to see a text from Austin.

_come over I can’t sleep ):_

I sighed. Was he serious? _so because you can’t sleep now I have to suffer? Count sheep or something_

I set my phone down and rolled over so I was facing the wall, only to have to turn over when Austin replied.

_please? Maybe I can go to sleep if you’re here._

_Austin as much as I would love to, you live across campus, and it’s three in morning, my luck I would get jumped or something. You can come over here if you want but I’m not coming over there._

I was so tired, why didn’t he do this earlier? I was so annoyed with him.

_I’ll be over in like ten minutes_

_I’ll unlock the door, just open it._

-=-

Around ten minutes later I heard the door open and lock. Then I heard Austin walk over to my bed and felt him climb in. I scooted closer to the wall and turned to face him.

“Are you happy?” I ask quietly, trying not to wake Justin up.

Austin smiles as he moves his arm so I could cuddle up to him, resting my head in his armpit. “Yeah.”

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“You want to go to that festival thing with me this weekend?” Austin asks over lunch. Next week was his birthday and while I knew what he wanted and had it all planned, I was kind of nervous.

I shrug. “Why not, I don’t have anything else to do.”

“Wow thank you.” Austin playfully rolls his eyes.

I smile. “What is there to do at this thing?”

“Well, there’s like rides and games and stuff, according to Phil, and then there’s going to be music from people that go here.”

“So is your old band reuniting because that’s something that I _really_ need to see.” The thought was kind of hot, Austin on stage screaming into a microphone all sweaty. I could get into that really quick.

“That’s never happening, ever.” Austin smiles. “But Shay’s band is playing so we could see him and Aaron, too.”

Shayley.

Why Shayley?

Obviously things between Shay and I had calmed down _a lot_ , but that doesn’t mean I want to spend my weekend watch him prance all over the stage.

“I can tell by your face that you suddenly don’t want to go.” Austin sighs.

“No!” I exclaim in my defense. “I do, I just don’t want to spend the whole time with Shay, you know? There’s a lot of festival food to eat and prizes for you to win me…”

“I didn’t say we were going to watch Shay the whole time, Alan.” Austin chews the bite of food he took. “I’m just saying we have to go watch him because Phil made me ask him and it would be rude to not support him.”

“When was this?” Maybe I was still a little _eh_ when it comes to Shayley and even more _eh_ when it comes to Austin’s friendship with him.

“Like before school started.” Austin shrugs. “Ish?”

“Oh,”

“You’re not jealous are you?”

“No,” It’s not a lie if you’re unsure. “I just didn’t know you talked to him.”

“We’re friends, so yeah, I talk to him a lot.”

I decided I needed to change the subject because I really didn’t want to have _another_ fight over Shayley, besides he was still with Justin’s old roommate apparently, so that helped a little. And by a little I mean just a smudge because I really can’t see a relationship stopping Shayley from fucking my boyfriend. “Anyway, guess who got that really good popcorn for movie night?”

Austin smiles, hopefully forgetting all about the Shayley conversation. “I can’t wait. What movies do you want to watch?”

“Maybe something scary?” I was trying to get him to forgive me, and when we watch scary movies we end up making out so it all works out.

-=-

I was right, we were halfway into the movie, Austin was on top of me, moving his lips against my own, grinding his stupid hips into me, and exploring under my shirt with his hands. I wasn’t even paying attention to the screaming on the TV or the sound of the popcorn bucket falling to the floor, or the sound of the door opening. Nope, I did not care. I was in my happy place and nothing was going to ruin it.

“Well you two almost made it two weeks.”

Except Tino.

Austin detaches his lips from mine and looks towards the door. “Uh, we were just about to go into my room.” Austin gives a small, nervous laugh before looking down at the spilt popcorn bowl. “And I’ll clean that up.”

“Do be too loud.” I could tell Tino was annoyed by the tone of his voice. “I have homework.”

“We won’t.” Austin smiles as Tino walks past us and into his room.

“Come on.” Austin gets up, stepping right in the popcorn and holds his hand out to me as Tino’s door closes.

“Aren’t you going to clean that up?” I ask as I take his hand and let him lead me towards his room.

“I will, eventually.”

-=-

Austin had his lips around my dick, sucking slowly, one hand was on my left hip, holding me in place, the other had fingers slowly creeping inside of me, slowly, just like his sucking.

“Aus,” I breathed. This was nearly too much to handle. Austin was so good at this and I couldn’t even be loud because Tino would beat us up. Torture, almost.

If Austin could, I’m sure he would be giving me a horrible, sly, smirk because he knows how hard it is for me to be quiet.

He makes his way to the tip, then slides his mouth off while looking up at me. “You need to be quiet, Alan.” Austin shoves his fingers in further and harder, making me make some weird noise that was half moan, half gasp. “Shh.”

“I hate you.” I manage to get out.

-=-

“You still want that stupid Nerf gun, right?” I ask as Austin slides his underwear on and climbs into bed.

“It's not stupid.”

“Oh okay." I roll my eyes. It was really stupid.

"Yes, I still want it." He smiles and kisses my cheek.

"I just wanted to make sure because I’m going to the store tomorrow to get it along with the cake mix.”

“Oh no,” Austin pulls back and looks at me. “you’re making it from scratch.”

I feel my jaw drop a little. “Austin, seriously?”

“Yes Alan!” Austin laughs. “Come on.”

“You come on.” I lightly push him. “I’m terrible at baking as it is and now you’re throwing math in there? You’re just asking for a terrible cake.” This was going to be a disaster.

“You act like you have to solve quadratic equations, it’s measuring like six ingredients.”

“I’ll do it, but if it sucks, it you’re fault, not mine.”

“Technically it would be your fault.” Austin smiles.

“Keep it up and you will get nothing for you birthday.” I pinch his arm. "Not even sex."

Austin rolls his eyes. “Speaking of birthdays.” Austin untangles himself from me. “Your phone case came in the mail.” He walks over to desk and opens the bottom drawer and pulls out a box. “Sorry I didn’t wrap it.”

I take it from him and open the brown box, then pull out the yellow box that the case was in. It was a two-tone blue otterbox, and I loved it. “Thank you, Aus.” I smile as he climbs back into bed.

“I know you’re always dropping your phone and stuff.” Austin shrugs. “The color is okay, right? I know you like blue, so.”

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He watches as I attempt to open the box to put it on my phone. I had packaging, they always had to make it so difficult.

“Can you help?” I ask, pushing my bottom lip out.

Austin playfully sighs. “I have to do everything.”


	6. six

**Alan.**  
Even though Phil did do a good job on this festival thing, it was still really strange. Maybe it was because I wasn’t used to having three hundred extra people on campus, or maybe it was because we were now forced to hang out with Shayley for a little while. Either way, it was strange.

“You go on at six, right?” Austin asks as he drags me behind him while he talks to Shayley. Normally I would just be happy to be with Austin but it was hot and loud and in all honesty, I just wanted to eat a whole funnel cake and drink a large lemonade, not walk around and listen to Austin talk about how great Shayley is.

“Yeah, so I need to be back at the Craig tent soon.”

 _Thank God_.

“Awesome, and then Aaron’s band is on after you?” Austin asks as we pass a stand with a throwing game. Since Austin played baseball, maybe he could win me a stuffed animal to keep Sittins company.

Shayley shrugs. “As far as I know.”

“Awesome.” I could hear the smile in Austin’s voice. “You okay, Alan?” Austin asks as he looks back at me.

“Just peachy.”

-=-

“Isn’t he amazing?” Austin asks as Shayley walks off stage and into the small tent next to it was.  
Shayley wasn’t bad at singing at all, contrary to what I originally thought. In fact, he was really good. Although, his songs were really awkward and I was thinking that one or two were about Austin, which made me extremely uncomfortable. And then there was that one about an ex-boyfriend who moved on to some younger slut, and I was thinking that one was about Jerry and me, but I could be wrong, and hopefully I am.

“Um, I guess.” I take a sip of the lemonade I finally got after whining for five minutes.

“You guess? Really Alan?” Austin sighs, he probably rolled his eyes too but I wasn’t paying attention. “He exudes talent and you _guess_ he did okay?”

“Wow you’re acting as if Shayley is a Beatle or something. He was okay, calm down.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to get a funnel cake. Have fun masturbating to Shayley’s music.”

“Alan.” Austin calls after me as I set my near empty lemonade cup next to him and walk away from where he was sitting.

-=-

I deserve a funnel cake and like three hot dogs for enduring this shit. I had a surprise party to plan for Austin, a cake to make and a cake to buy at the bakery, a fucking Nerf gun to buy and wrap, and I had absolutely nothing done. No ingredients bought, no order placed, no idea what kind of Nerf gun to get, and instead of doing something productive, I’m being forced to watch Austin’s friends dick around on stage.

“Can I get a plain funnel cake, please?” I ask the lady when it’s my turn.

“You want powdered sugar on that?” She asks as she takes my six dollars. Best six dollars I’ve ever spent.

“Yes please.”

“They’ll get you that right down there, sugar.” She smiles before yelling what I ordered to the guy behind her who nods. I’m really glad I don’t have a lame job like this, I’d probably kill myself.

The guy hands me my funnel cake and I mumble a quick thanks before walking in the opposite direction of the main tent. I really didn’t want to see Austin right now and I definitely didn’t want to share my funnel cake with him. Selfish? Maybe, but I was upset with him and when I’m upset with you, you don’t get to have some of my funnel cake.

-=-

As I made my way farther from the music tent, I stumbled upon a beer tent where the festival started to end. There were a few tables scattered about and only two food tents near it, everything else was about ten feet away from it. I was hoping they sold water or something because powdered sugar makes your throat dry and I had forgotten to get a drink when I bought my funnel cake because I was too upset to even think.

I walk up to the tent; of course, no one was paying attention to people who wanted to buy something. I sighed heavily and turned to walk away, maybe someone at one of the other tents would be paying attention.

“Alan?”

I knew that voice.

I turned around to see Jerry standing behind the counter looking at me expectantly. “Hi Jerry.”

“Hey, um, what can I get for you? You’re not twenty one so I can’t _legally_ sell you alcohol, but we have water.”

I walk over to the counter. Of course this would happen to me today. “That’s fine.” I reach into my back pocket and get my wallet out to pay the ridiculous amount for the bottle of water.

“No, um, I got it.” Jerry hands me the bottle with a small smile.

“Thanks, I’ll see you around.” I go to walk away until Jerry starts to talk to me.

“Can we talk?” He asks. “I mean, I understand if you don’t want to, but, I can go on break and—”

“I guess.” I sigh and wait for him to walk around the counter.

-=-

“So how have you been?” Jerry asks as we sit at one of the tables, he had grabbed a water for himself as he made his way around the counter.

“Good, I guess.” I unscrew the cap on my water. “You?”

Jerry nods. “Good, I, um, stopped drinking.”

“That’s good.” I give him a small smile. If anyone on earth needed to stop drinking, he was a close second behind Shayley.

“Yeah,” Jerry nods again. “anything interesting in your life?”

“Austin and I are dating.”

Jerry looks down at his water, he was peeling the paper off it. “I guess you got what you wanted then.”

I guess I did.

-=-

“Where did you go?” Austin asks as I sit down next to Austin. He was in the same spot as before, on his phone.

“Walked around, got a funnel cake.” I shrug, deciding to leave the whole Jerry chat out. I wasn’t even sure how I felt about talking to Jerry. I was happy for him that he stopped drinking and that he was doing well. I just couldn’t get the ‘ _I guess you got what you wanted_ ’ out of my head.

I did get what I wanted though, I wanted Austin for so long and I got him, I should be happy, I _am_ happy, most of the time. I love Austin more than anything else in the world (except Mittens, but he understands) but it’s just been really, really, difficult. Since classes had started I had noticed a roadblock between us, I’m not exactly sure what it is, so I can’t fix it, but I can’t help but feel like we’re doing something wrong in our relationship, it was so much easier before the mountain and the ‘I love you’ and the summer.

“And you didn’t bring it back to share with me?” He asks as if nothing had happened between us earlier.

“No?”

Austin fake sighs. “I guess I’ll starve then.”

I stand up and extend my hand. “I’ll buy you a hot dog or something if you stop being so dramatic.”

New plan: stop overreacting to things. Austin is obviously over our little argument, I needed to be over it, too.

Second new plan: Stop overanalyzing things. Maybe there is no roadblock and I’m just imagining things.

"I guess I can try." Austin smiles and takes my hand. "As long as it's a burger instead of a hot dog."

"Whatever you want, princess." I mock him a little. Since he enjoyed calling me princess all the time, maybe I should return the favor.

_+_+_+-=-=-=-=-=-

I hated baking.

I really fucking hated it.

Why do you have to do all these separate steps? Like I’m pretty sure when my mom bakes she doesn’t have three different bowls filled with crap on the counter. But because it was Austin’s birthday and I wanted to make this amazing for him, I would do what the instructions said.

“Eggs!” Tino exclaims when he walks in the door. Just what I needed to make this experience better.

“I thought we were done with that nickname.”

Tino shrugs. “If you show me your awesome one handed cracking skills, we can be.”

I sighed. “Fine, let me get there first.”

“Are you doing his birthday tonight?” Tino asks as I add two cups of sugar into a bowl.

“Well it is his birthday today.”

Tino rolls his eyes. “Thanks for reminding me.”

“Yes, we are doing his birthday tonight—as a couple.”

“ _Oh ew_.”

“Shut up, Tino.” I roll my eyes and add the cocoa powder in. “At least I’m warning you this time.”

“That’s true, so I’ll need to sleep somewhere else?”

I nod. “Unless you want to hear us fuck.”

“That is the last sound I want to hear. I’ll stay at Pen’s.” Tino sighs. “And what about tomorrow?”

“I have the party stuff in my car, I’ll come decorate while he’s in class, then after we dick around here awhile we can go wherever you and Phil are taking him.”

“The club!” Tino interjects.

“Yeah, the club. Don’t let him dance with a bunch of dudes.”

“I thought you were coming with us?” Tino questions as I add the last of the ingredients before the eggs.

“No one told me anything about it.”

“You have a fake ID, dude, come with us.” Tino exclaims. “Austin will love it.”

“You think so?”

“Why wouldn’t he want his boyfriend at his twenty-first? Besides, then you can take care of him and I can get my drank on.”

“Right, well if he wants me to come with, I guess I can’t go against what he wants on his birthday.”

“That’s the spirit, now let’s see you crack those eggs.”

-=-

I was in Austin’s room, cleaning it up a little before he got back from class. Making the bed, fluffing the pillows, moving (and doing) all of his laundry off the floor. I was acting like his wife, but someone had to clean his room.

And of course, those stupid notebooks were still tempting me. I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t put them away yet, I wish he would.

I sighed and walked over to his desk and pick up the one top, which was the second notebook. I flipped it open to a random page, it was from when I was with Jerry, I could tell by the date. I looked at my phone; Austin wouldn’t be back for another hour and fifteen minutes. I had time to read a couple entries.

_Why is he with him? Jerry is actual the worst person ever and somehow he has gotten one of the best._

_I shouldn’t get involved, the last thing I want to do is making Alan mad by interjecting myself into his “relationship” with Jerry. I guess. I just want to protect Alan, he seems very impressionable and hanging out with assholes will ultimately ruin his precious nature._

_I should’ve just told Alan how I felt about him at Barney’s, I should’ve been honest, but no, instead I told him I didn’t know what to say like a fucking idiot._

__

I guess I never thought about how Austin felt about the whole situation with me dating Jerry. And I never thought he liked me that much, even though he told me he had feelings for me, I guess those things never crossed into my mind.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the timer on the oven going off.

-=-

After the cake had gone into the freezer so I could ice it before Austin got back, I realized that I still hadn’t wrapped his stupid Nerf gun. I sighed and walked into his room to get the Toys R Us bag.

I had actually gotten him two. One huge one that could shoot the darts up to seventy five feet, and a smaller one that held three darts just so we could play together.

-=-

Austin would be home in ten minutes. Tino was gone, his room was ready. The cake was on his bedside table, his two presents were next to the bed, peanut butter, whipped cream, and some chocolate sauce were next to the cake, and I was on his bed in those stupid underwear.

“Alan?” I hear Austin call from his and Tino’s living room/kitchen. “I know you’re here. The kitchen’s a mess.” I swear I heard him go _fuck yeah_ but I could just be hearing things.

The door opens and Austin smiles when he comes in. I could barely see him, I had put fabric over the lamps to make it more romantic.

“Happy birthday, Aus.” I smile.

“The happiest of all days.” Austin throws his backpack on the ground and starts to lift his shirt up.

“No, keep it on.” I sit up. “Birthday boy doesn’t do anything.”

Austin’s smile gets wider if that’s possible as he walks over to the bed. “This is going to be the best birthday, isn’t it?”

I nod. “It better be.” I lean up and kiss him. “Sit on the bed, you have to have some of this cake I spent an hour and a half making.”

-=-

Austin was leaning against his headboard and pillows; I was straddling him with a piece of cake on a ‘Happy birthday’ plate I had bought.

“Are you going to make airplane noises?”

“You want me to?” I get a piece of cake on the fork.

“I think I’m a little old for that.” Austin smirks.

“Yeah you are.” I hold the fork up to his lips and put some cake into his mouth. “Is it good?”

Austin nods, but I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with it. “It sucks, doesn’t it?” I sigh.

“No, it’s…good.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yeah, I am, Alan, it’s bad.” Austin gives me a small smile. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” I laugh a little. “I told you I sucked at baking and yet.” I felt really bad, but I did warn him that I couldn’t bake.

Austin rests his hands on my thighs. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

“Have you?” I ask as I set the plate next to the rest of the gross cake.

Austin nods. “It was really hard for me to keep my lower region in check.”

“Oh,” I move my hands under his black Slipknot shirt, rubbing at his sides. “was it?”

“Yeah,” Austin chokes out, I could feel him under me.

“Mmm,” I lift his shirt up and over his head, then throw it on the ground. I attach my lips to his collar bone, kissing and sucking lightly as I grind my hips against his.

“Alan.” Austin sighs.

I detach my lips. “What do you want me to do? It’s your birthday.”

Austin smiles a little. “There are so many things.”

“Well tell me.”

“I get what I want, right?” Austin asks in a low tone, it was really fucking hot.

I nod. “Whatever you want.”

Austin smirks. “Then I want you to surprise me.”

-=-

It was a matter of seconds before Austin was naked with blotches of chocolate all over him from where I had licked it off him.

“What’s wrong?” Austin asks as I shove the top down on the bottle and let it fall to the ground.

I shrug. “This is just weird.”

“You don’t like it?” Austin asks, concerned.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin this, too.”

Austin shakes his head. “No, Alan, the only way you’re going to ruin something is if you do something you don’t want to do.”

“I don’t want to lick food off of you.”

Austin smiles a little. “That’s fine, Alan, we don’t have to get all crazy.”

“But you obviously like it and I want to make you hap---”

Austin cuts me off by pressing his lips to mine. “Shh.” He kisses me again. “We can still have fun, lay down.”

I blink a couple of times before moving so I was lying next to him. “Can I lick food off of you?” He asks in all seriousness as he positions himself in between my legs, gently rubbing at my thighs.

I nod slowly and watch as Austin grabs the bottle of whipped cream, which was probably a little warm by now. Hopefully he didn’t get sick or anything.

Austin squirts a line from my throat to my waist. I shouldn’t be _nervous_ , Austin had kissed and licked pretty much every inch of my body, so why I found adding whipped cream to this equation so nerve wracking, I wasn’t sure.

Austin licked his way down and honestly, it did feel really good. Then he went lower, making his way down to my ass, where he licked and stuck his tongue inside of me, causing me to arch my back and mumble his name.

“Aus,” I felt bad, it was Austin’s birthday, and yet he’s the one doing all the work. I was supposed to be doing nice things for him.

Austin continues what he was doing for a couple more seconds before detaching his mouth from my ass and looks up at me. “What?”

“I love you.”

Austin kisses at my hip bones, leaving little bites. “I love you.” He then focuses his attention to his drawer; I knew where this was going.

A bottle of lube finds its way on the bed. Yep. We were going to fuck, and honestly, I was thankful for it. “Shit.”

“What?” I ask.

“I’m out of condoms.” Austin sighs and climbs off the bed, heading to his backpack.

“I thought you got some?”

Austin grabs his backpack and looks in the front pocket. “No, I was going to get them when we went shopping with your mom, but then I didn’t, and I hadn’t had the chance to go get more.” Austin shoves his bag to the ground. “Fuck.”

“Maybe Tino has some?”

“You’re so smart.” Austin smiles and grabs a towel from the floor. “I’ll be back in two seconds.”

“Okay.” I lean back on the bed. This is not how this was supposed to go. First I snoop on my boyfriend with his stupid journals, then I fuck up his birthday cake, then I can’t get into this kink he has, and now he’s out of condoms. I had some, but they were in my room and let’s be real, neither one of us was going to walk over to my room to get condoms, and I wasn’t going to have Justin bring them over. Why did this happen every time I tried to do something nice for Austin. First at the hotel when I try to give him that massage and now I fucked up his birthday. Nice going, Alan.

“He doesn’t have any. Or at least that I can find.” Austin sighs when he comes back into the room, closing the door behind him. “We’ll just give each other blow jobs, it’ll be fine.” Austin sighs as he climbs back into bed.

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. It’s his birthday.

“Austin, it’s your birthday, I’m not giving you a blow job for your birthday.”

“What are you suggesting?” Austin questions.

“Just don’t use one, it’s fine.”

Austin’s jaw slightly drops. “Alan are you sure, I’m perfectly content with a blowjob.”

“Austin, just do it.”

-=-

I had never had sex without a condom, so I wasn’t exactly sure what to experience, and obviously I was kind of nervous, and Austin’s nervousness wasn’t helping either.

“You’re absolutely sure, right?” Austin asks after he had prepared me.

“Yes.”

Austin nods and pushes in slowly until he gets all the way. He presses kisses all over my face. “Does it feel different?” He asks quietly against my neck.

I shake my head. “Not really, no.”

“Good.” Austin presses a kiss against my neck. “Are you good?”

“Yeah,”

Austin pulls out and thrusts back in, slow the first couple of times before picking up his speed gradually. I guess Austin wanted to make sure I was okay, which I was. Like I said, it felt pretty much the same, to me, anyway. “Fuck, Aus.”

I could fell Austin smirk against me as he thrust harder. “Shit,”

Austin continued this rhythm of going super hard for a couple of thrust, then slowing down for a couple. Over and over and over. It was perfect, and honestly, it was honestly some of the best sex we’ve ever had. “Aust—”

“No, you can’t cum.” Austin informs me as slows down.

“Austin,” I whine. “Why?”

“Just, don’t, Alan.” Austin pants. He presses a couple of kisses to my neck for telling me that he was close. He thrust harder before cumming. He stays there for a couple of seconds before pulling out and kissing his way down to my dick before wrapping his lips around the head, sucking slowly.

“Austin I really can’t,” I put my hands in his hair, I was about to die.

Austin pushes his lips down farther and that’s really all I can take for cumming while yelling his name.

-=-

I was wrapped in Austin’s arms, looking at his tired face.

“Look who is falling asleep first.” I tease as I lightly kick him under the blanket.

“I’m allowed, I’m old.”

I smooth his hair away from his face. “Are you going to start telling kids to get off your lawn?”

Austin smiles. “Yes, I’m going to start with you.”

“Then I guess I don’t have to give you your birthday present.”

“No, you definitely do.” Austin smiles. “Is it the Nerf gun?”

“Maybe?” I shrug the best I could.

“Alan, it’s my birthday don’t be mean to me.”

“I don’t want to get out of bed and get it.”

Austin playfully sighs. “You always have to be so difficult.”


	7. seven

**Alan**

I woke up the next morning alone. I wasn’t sure where Austin was, but the cake was gone and the other food products were gone as well. I glanced at Austin’s alarm clock, it was just after ten; Austin was probably in class. I had class, too; United States history. Yeah, definitely wasn’t going to that, I was already thirty minutes late. Austin could help me with the homework if he didn’t have a hangover.

Shit. Today was Austin’s party with his friends. I had to set up, but his bed was so comfy.

I hear muffled talking in the main living space. Maybe Austin wasn’t in class. I rolled out of bed and slide some shorts over my underwear and walked out of Austin’s room.

Austin was sitting on the couch and Tino was in the kitchen fixing himself a bowl of cereal. “You’re not telling me where we’re going?” Austin sighs as he nibbles on his leftover steak from last night.

Tino scoffs. “No, are you kidding? It’s a surprise.”

“It’s my birthday, I want to know.” Austin whines.

“Please pull on your big boy panties and stop whining. It’ll be the best of times.”

I walk to the couch and plop down next to Austin, snuggling into his side. “Well good morning to you, too.” Austin rubs my back a little. “You want some steak?”

I shake my head. “No thank you.”

“Good, because I didn’t want to share it with you anyway.”

“I figured. That’s why I declined.” Austin was obsessed with this stupid steakhouse. It opened like two weeks ago and he had wanted to try it, so I took him there last night and he claims that it’s his new favorite restaurant.

“If you really want some, I’ll share. I don’t want to steal food from my baby.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll just get cereal like a normal person.”

-=-

Tino and I had exactly one hour to decorate the rest of their apartment for Austin’s return. Aaron and Phil had taken him shopping so we could set up. I wasn’t even sure why I thought of this idea, we were literally only going to be here for like thirty minutes to eat the (store bought) cake and then we were going to a bar get dinner, then we were going to a club.

Even though we were going to an eighteen plus club, I was really hoping my ID worked, because I didn’t want to lamely have to drink coke all night because I’m sure they’ll put Xs on my hands if the ID doesn’t work, and I most certainly didn't want to get arrested or something.

“Tino?”

Tino looks over at me. “What, Eggs?” I guess that nickname is sticking.

“What happens if I get caught with my fake ID?”

Tino laughs. “It depends; you won’t need it where we’re going. Just make Austin buy you drinks and be discreet.”

I sighed. Just answer the question. “But what happens?”

“I don’t know. I looked twenty-one when I had mine so they just believed me. They might not believe you, you have a baby face, and you’re nineteen.”

“Will I go to jail?”

“I hope not, you wouldn’t last five minutes.” Tino laughs. “Stop worrying about it.”

“What if they catch me with a drink that Austin buys me?”

Tino sighs now as he sticks a piece of tape to the ‘Happy Birthday Austin!’ banner that I put together this morning. “They won’t. I’ve been there a million times, Alan, they don’t go searching for people, they usually just focus on the dumbasses who try to buy drinks with a fake ID.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Austin probably just got that for you in case we go to a twenty-one plus club, but there aren’t many around here. Probably just wanted to be safe.”

I nod. “Makes sense, thanks.”

-=-

About ten minutes before Austin was supposed to be back with Phil and Aaron, a couple of his other friends wandered to the apartment. Penelope, Aaron’s girlfriend, Anouk, Justin, Andy, and a couple of the guys from Northern, and of course, my best friend in the entire world, Shayley.

Justin was standing next to me in the kitchen. “So are we going to talk about the asshole in the room?”

“Shay?” I ask quietly as I move the bowls of snacks on the counter so they would be even. It was just busy work. I was nervous.

Andy was leaning against the counter near Justin and I talking to Lou about something.

“Obviously.” Justin sips at his drink. “Why is he here?”

“They’re friends, remember?” I mumble sarcastically.

“You don’t think…?” Justin trails off.

“That they’re banging? No. I still don’t like him though.”

“I just got the text! Austin will be here in two minutes!” Tino announces.

“Are we supposed to hide or something?” Lou asks me.

“No, just act really happy to see him.”

-=-

Austin was surprised when he got back. I figured he knew something was going on, but I don’t think he knew what we were planning. I stayed back in the kitchen and let him mingle with everyone. I didn’t want to seem needy and I definitely didn’t want to be _that_ boyfriend that needed to be next to him at all times.

After Austin had talked to everyone, he made his way into the kitchen. He wraps his arms around my waist. “Tino told me you made the banner.” He presses a kiss to my cheek. “It’s adorable.”

“I tried.” I smile.

“Thank you.” He kisses me quickly.

“You’re welcome, birthday boy.”

Austin lets his hands slip from my hips. “I’m so old, Alan.”

“Good thing I like older men.”

“Good thing I like young boys.” Austin grabs my hand. “Wait, that sounded really bad. Can we start over?”

-=-

“I love when it’s my birthday.” Austin smiles as he takes the first bite of his ice cream. “Because I get free ice cream.”

“You got free ice cream last night.” I point out.

“I’m getting all of the free ice cream that I can.” Austin smiles and gives me the spoon. “It’s really good, taste it.”

I take a bite. It was decent, I’ve had better. “It’s okay.”

Austin sighs when I give him the spoon back. “It’s amazing.”

“Maybe you’re just excited because it’s free and you’re twenty-one now.”

“Maybe. It’s still good.” Austin smiles and goes back to eating his ice cream like the little boy he actually is.

-=-

Justin was grinding his ass into Andy across the club, Lou had found himself a girl, everyone who had girlfriends were with them either dancing or drinking, that left Austin and I.

“Do you want a drink?” He asks

I shake my head. “Not really, but if you want one I can stay here.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Austin kisses my cheek and heads off towards the bar.

I felt bad; I didn’t really want to be here. All of my experiences at clubs and parties have been bad, I can’t help it. Well, I guess Bummer’s wasn’t bad, the aftermath was bad. Still, bad.

“Why aren’t you drinking?” Shayley appears in front of me. “It’s your boyfriend’s twenty-first.”

“Yeah, it’s _his_ twenty-first. I’m not thirsty, anyway.”

Shayley scoffs. “You don’t drink beer because you’re thirsty, Alan.”

“My mistake.” I roll my eyes. “Why aren’t you dancing with someone?”

“No one here is really my type, you know?” Except my boyfriend.

“There are plenty of gay guys here, Shay.”

“Are you some kind of expert?”

“Well I’m gay and I can tell you that that guy over there,” I point in the direction of a guy about my height with brown hair. He was sitting on one of the couches that were spread out all over the club. “is gay. And he’s looking at you.”

“Really?” Shayley turns and looks at me. “Pretty sure he’s looking at you.”

“No.” I was pretty sure he wasn’t. It doesn’t matter anyway, I wasn’t interested.

“And now you’ve looked at him too long, he’s coming over here.” Shayley sighs. "Nice going."

“We should separate and see, because he might follow you.” Either way I would win. I would be away from Shayley and if this person did come over to me, I could kindly tell him to fuck off.

“Good idea, you were boring me anyway.” Shayley heads towards the bar, but of course the guy didn’t follow him, instead he walked over to me.

“Hi.” He smiles. He a nice smile, but that was really the only thing about I found attractive. He wasn’t ugly, just not my type.

“Hello.”

“How are you tonight?”

“I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m good.” He takes a drink from his glass. “I’m just going to cut to the chase; you’re cute.”

“Oh, um, thank you.” I look down. “I kind of have a---”

“Time for you to leave, Romeo.” Austin appears behind the guy, beer in hand.

The guy turns around and looks at Austin. “Who the fuck are you?”

“His boyfriend, so off you go.” Austin grabs my hand. “Actually, you can stay here, we’re going.”

Austin starts to drag me away. “It was nice to meet you. That guy that was with me is single.” I smile and start walking with Austin to make it easier on him. I wasn't sure if Shayley was single or if he was still with Jake. We hadn't heard them for a couple of days, but I figured if he wasn't, he could let club boy know. It wasn't my job to keep up.

-=-

Austin had his hands on my hips and my ass was grinding into his dick. We had no rhythm and were far from going with the beat of the song, but who cares? Austin was pretty much drunk and I was just along for the ride.

“I need more alcohol.” Austin slurs into my ear before sliding his hands away from me.

“Do you really?” I ask and turn around.

He nods. “Yo-ttwo.”

“Yo-ttwo?”

“You only turn twenty-one once; yottwo.” He gives me a drunken, sleepy smile.

“Austin it’s getting late and there is beer at your apartment.” We had been out since seven, it was now getting close to one. I wanted to go home and sleep.

“You can go home if you want, pumpkin.” Austin attempts to caress my cheek, but instead ends up just wiping his hand on my face. “I’ll get a cab.”

“Aus, come on, it’s almost one, I don’t want to leave you out by yourself.”

“All of our friends are here; I’ll get a ride home with Andy.”

“He’s been drinking.”

“You have been too.”

“I’m taking a cab. Please come with me.”

Austin sighs. “Fine.”

I felt bad for cutting his party short, but I couldn’t let him find his own way home. He might get in a car with someone who was drinking or drive himself.

“Let’s go find Justin and Andy.”

-=-

“Oh my God why is it so bright?” Austin mumbles and pulls a pillow onto his face.

I kiss his shoulder. “You’re hungover.”

“Can you close the blinds?” He asks quietly. “And get me some advil? I’m going to die.”

I climb out of his bed. “Your blinds are closed.” I walk over to his desk and get two advil out of the bottle. “I’m going to get you some water, okay?”

“Thank you.” I had him the medicine and head into the kitchen. I guess I got to take care of him until his hangover was cured. I guess I didn't mind.

-=-=-=-=-=-

To say the last month has been interesting would be an understatement. Three things had happened that were honestly, too me anyway, kind of life-altering.

The first was that Andy and Justin are now in love. Even though I knew Justin was in love back in July, they had finally told each other. Apparently it was very romantic, and I say that with complete sarcasm. According to Justin, he was sucking Andy’s dick and just stopped, pulled back, and told him. Right in the middle. Not how I would have done things, but those two are weird anyway.

The second, I got a job. Well, my parents kind of _made_ me get a job because they figured it would be a good ‘learning’ experience, and since I had a car now, I could get to a place of employment. It just so happened that the new steakhouse, the one that Austin was in love with, was hiring servers and even though I had no experience at all, they hired me. Needless to say, it took up a lot of my time, but I was kind of grateful, it was nice to take Austin out and pay with my own money instead of my parents and I now I had my own ATM card so they couldn’t see everywhere I was shopping (the sex store near Austin’s house, for example or my newly acquired online porn subscription) it was nice, regardless.

The third, Austin and I don’t hang out as much we did before his birthday. I don’t want to say it’s that he’s twenty one now, but it’s because he’s twenty one now. All he does is go out on the weekends with Tino and Aaron. I can never go because I work weekends, which leads to him getting pissed off and leaving my room, only to return an hour before I leave because he wants to make up. I guess you could say that our 'honeymoon' period was over.

“You’re off tomorrow, right?” Austin asks as I slide my work t shirt over my head. It was black with the steakhouse logo on the front and ‘I love meat!’ on the back in bold, electric blue letters. Austin thought it was hilarious, I however, did not.

“Yes.” It was my first Friday off since starting a week after Austin’s birthday, and honestly I was really excited. Maybe I could talk Austin into going Halloween costume shopping with me.

“So you’re going to come to Pulse with me, then, right?”

“I wasn’t planning on it”

“Why not?” Austin sighs. “Please? I get so tired of going alone.”

“You go with Tino and Aaron, not exactly alone.”

“But I can’t dance unless you’re there.” Austin sighs from my bed. “Please?”

“I thought we could go get Halloween costumes, you know, since Halloween is like four days away?”

“We can do both, Alan, how long does it take to pick a Halloween costume?”

-=-

“Why can’t you just be a cat like last year?” Austin sighs as we go through the fourth row of costumes. “I can be Dracula again, it’ll be perfect.”

“I was only a cat because I didn’t have anything to do.”

“Are we going to go out?” Austin asks with a sigh as he looks at the section of sexy witches. "Because you're saying that like you're finally going to a club with me."

“I guess we can for a little while.” I guess going out for Halloween wouldn’t be too bad, I mean, it is kind of a party holiday.

“Longer than an hour?”

“Yes.” I roll my eyes. “Now can we please go find some costumes?”

“You be a kitty cat and I’ll be a puppy. There easy, we’re done.”

“Are you kidding, Austin, no. Actual costumes.” I grab his hand and drag him away from all of the weird, female costumes and over to the guy ones.

“If we _have_ to get a dumb costume, can it at least be a couples one?”

“They only make those for girl and boy couples.” I roll my eyes.

“You can wear the girl one.” Austin smiles and points to a 50s style costume, complete with a sexed up version of a poodle skirt. “You’d look really hot in that.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“I might consider it if the male one was an actual _costume_ and not just a jacket and sunglasses.”

“Really?”

“If it’ll make you get a costume, then yes, I will wear a girl one.” I roll my eyes.

“Pirates, then?” Austin asks and drags me over to the extensive pirate section. “Look, I can wear a beard.”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t have the figure for that one.”

“Not to be rude, pumpkin, but I don’t really think that you have the right _assets_ for any of these.”

“Let’s find one where you don’t have to look like a porn star, then.”

“So no pirates?”

“No pirates.”

-=-

“Put it on, put it on.” Austin chants as we get back to his apartment.

“You don’t get to see it until Halloween, anyway, so no.”

“But you got to see mine!”

“You aren’t dressing like a girl.”

“You said you would though.” Austin sighs, obviously wanting to see my costume. But that was just too bad. He could wait a couple of days.

“That doesn’t mean you get to see me in my costume.”

Austin sighs and opens his bag. “Here’s your wig that you made me buy for you.”

“My costume was more expensive and you said you wanted the whole look.”

Austin smiles. “Obviously.”

I rolled my eyes. This was obviously going to be an interesting Halloween. “Do you want to see the wig?”

Austin smiles. “Yes can I?”

“Only if we can stay in tonight and watch shitty movies.” We hadn’t had movie night in forever it seemed.

“Okay, fine. It’ll be worth it.”

I sighed. It should be worth it because I’m his boyfriend and he should want to spend time with me, but okay.

-=-

Austin thought my long, red-haired wig was hilarious, but he said I looked cute in it. So hopefully he was right, because he looked cute in his costume, and even though mine was made for a girl, I wanted to look cute in mine, too.

“This movie sucks.” Austin sighs.

“You picked it.” I laugh and little and cuddle into his side. I missed this, just hanging out with him. Work was terrible and so was the fact that he was twenty-one.

“Well you gave me two choices, this or that creepy movie about the gnomes.”

“ _Gnomeo and Juliet_ looks adorable, Austin.”

“And you say I pick terrible movies, goodness.”

“Whatever.” I playfully flick his knee and direct my attention back to the movie.

“What do you want to do after this torture ends?”

I shrug. I didn’t really feel like doing anything. Just cuddling with my cute boyfriend. That’s it. “Take a nap?”

“No.”

“I don’t know, just hang out and do something?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I knew it was killing Austin to not go out and party or whatever with Tino and Aaron, but I’m fairly certain he would live.


	8. eight

**Alan >**

"Let just put on a little more eyeliner.” Penelope tells me as she rummages through her makeup bag.

“Do I really need more eyeliner?” I sigh. Putting on makeup was exhausting, and I wasn’t even doing anything except sit there.

“Shut up, Alana, you want to be pretty, don’t you?” She laughs and twists the eyeliner.

“Damn.”

“You’re the one who wanted to be a girl for Halloween.”

“The name of the costume is ‘Harbor Hottie’ thank you.”

“Look up.” Penelope adds a thin line of the black liner under each of my eyes. “Okay, I think you’re good.” She smiles as I look straight ahead. “Unless you want lip gloss.”

“No, I’m good.” I smile. “Thank you.”

“Not a problem, Alan.” Penelope smiles. “Want me to help you with your costume or do you have it under control?”

“I think I got it.”

-=-

I felt ridiculous. Even though this costume consisted of shorts (one reason we didn’t go with Ariel and Prince Eric was because of the dress situation, the other reason was because Aaron and his girlfriend called it like a century ago, apparently.) however, I wasn’t planning on them being so unnecessarily short, there is no way an actual sailor would wear this, it’s impractical. And then there was the shirt, which was blue and white striped crop top with a red bow where the boobs were (supposed) to be. I, obviously, did not have boobs so I had to borrow one of Penelope’s bras and shove some socks in it so it didn’t look stupid. The only thing that I guess didn’t look dumb was the hat that went over my red wig (Austin thought I should have a wig so I looked more like a girl, also, he’s mean) and I guess I didn’t mind the stockings either. At least I got to wear my white vans. Austin tried to get me to wear heels but that is where I drew the line.

Austin really lucked out on this one. All he had to wear was a sleeveless shirt, a hat that matched mine, and some sailor looking pants. Of course his wasn’t over sexed at all.

“Come on, Alan, you’ve been in there long enough. Can I come in?” Austin asks through the door to his room. I had shooed him out when Penelope came over to do my makeup.

“No.”

“Come on, Alan. You’re going to have show me sometime.”

“You can come in if you promise not to laugh.”

“Why would I laugh at you? I bet you look hotter than I do.” I can almost see Austin’s smile through the door. “I’m going to come in, okay?”

I looked at the door expectantly as it opened slowly. Then I saw Austin with one hand over his eyes, his other hand sticking out in front of him so he didn’t run into anything.

Austin closes the door behind him and faces me. “I’m going to look.”

“Okay.”

Austin removes his hand and looks at me, his mouth opening slightly. “Holy shit.”

“Do I look stupid?” I sigh.

Austin shakes his head. “No, you look really hot.”

“Really?” I ask as Austin walks towards me.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is the first boner I've gotten from a girl since middle school."

"Since middle school?"

"I was confused." Austin laughs.

I roll my eyes. “You look pretty sexy yourself.” I smile as I look at his navy outfit with the bell bottom pants and the sleeveless tank, showing off his tattoos. If anyone looked hot, it was him.

"You look better." Austin smiles. "I really want to tear those shorts off you.” Austin smirks as he grabs a hold of my hips, pulling me towards him.

“Do you?” I wrap my arms around his neck.

He nuzzles into my neck, moving my wig away. “Yeah.”

“Stop you’re going to mess up my hair.” I tease.

“I’ll do a lot more than mess up your hair later” He presses a kiss to neck then pulls back. “Come on, sailor.”

-=-

“What happened to Alan, Austin?” Tino slurs as Austin hands me a glass. “He’s so good for you and now you’re with a girl? I’m so confused.”

We had only been at the club for two hours, but I guess when you 'pre-game' you get drunker quicker. Smart. I guess?

Tino was obviously drunk, and Austin decided to fuck with him. “I don’t know what happened to him, Tino.” Austin sighs. “He just left me; he’s in love with some drifter from overseas so he followed him across the ocean.”

“That’s so sad, Austin. I’m sorry.” Tino looks like he might cry. “At least you found yourself a nice girl.”

“At least I did.” Austin smiles. “So I’m going to go dance with her, okay?”

“Okay.” Tino nods. “Don’t get her pregnant.”

-=-

I was grinding into Austin to the beat of a Nsync song. I was finally comfortable; thanks to a couple of drinks that Austin had been getting me. It felt nice to be with him again, even if we were in a club with hundreds of people dressed in costumes. I was okay, because I was with Austin.

“You doing okay, Harbor Hottie?” Austin asks in my ear, his hands on my hips.

“I think I’m a…drunk.” I mumble back.

“You’re a drunk?” Austin laughs. “Come on, let’s go outside.”

“But then no back inside.”

“What?” Austin laughs. “It’ll be okay, we’ll just go back to campus.”

-=-

I was slowly sipping on a bottle of water that Austin had gotten me. I had my hands on my knees, looking down at my stockings and shoes, letting the air get to me the best it could.

“Are you okay?”

I nod slowly. “I think I just needed to be in fresh air.”

“If you throw up I’ll hold your hair.”

“Mmm, thank you.” I smile. “Is my makeup messed up? I bet it is.”

Austin leans down and looks at my face. “Just a little, but you’re still hot.”

“That’s all that matters; that I’m bangable.”

“You’ll always be bangable.”

-=-

For whatever reason, when we got back to Austin’s apartment, I thought it would be a good idea to drink _more_ and Austin seemed to agree with that idea.

“You know what I like more than a Retro Sailor?” I ask in my best sexy voice as I set my glass of whatever Austin made me on his table.

“What?” Austin asks as I climb on the bed after I had managed to get my shoes off.

“A _naked_ one.”

Austin pauses for a minute. “Wh--- _oh_.”

I nod slowly. “Leave the hat.”

Austin smirks. “You leave your outfit on; I want to take it off.”

“Mmm, well hurry, I’m tired.”

-=-=-=-=-

 

I fell asleep before Austin came back from the bathroom, which I regretted, we hadn’t sex in two weeks, but then again I was drunk, he was drunk, it probably wouldn't have been too enjoyable.

“You’re hungover, pumpkin.” Austin sighs as he rubs tiny circles into my back. He had managed to get me out of my costume while I was asleep, bra and all.

“I don’t want to be.” I whine and bury my face into his armpit.

“I know.” Austin mumbles, I could tell he was smiling, obviously enjoying my pain and suffering. “Let’s go get you some greasy food, okay?”

“First I need the world to be quiet and dark.”

“I’ll go get you some Advil and a pair of sunglasses.”

“You’re the best.”

-=-=-=-=-

I ended up going to Austin’s after Justin and I had finished our chemistry homework. I had history homework to do as well, and honestly, I wanted Austin to help me. And I wanted to hang out with him.

“Hey.” Austin smiles as he opens the door to his apartment. It was kind of weird, honestly, because usually the door is unlocked and I just walk in and go straight to his room.

“Hi.” I lean up and kiss him softly. “Can you help me with my homework?”

“Using me.” Austin teases. “Yeah, of course.”

“It’s not using if you offered.” I smile and walk into his living room. Tino and Penelope were sitting on the couch staring at the paused TV in front of them.

“Are you two done talking? You’re really loud.” Tino sighs and looks over.

“You are literally three minutes into the movie, Valentino.” Austin rolls his eyes. “All they’ve done is show the main character running through the woods and falling like eight times. You’re not missing anything.”

“You want to watch this with us?” Penelope asks softly from her place cuddled up to Tino. I was jealous; Austin and I hadn’t cuddled in at least a week and a half.

Austin looks at me. “Want to?”

“If you want to.”

“Why not.” Austin smiles as I set my backpack down next to the door. Austin sits on the small loveseat that he and Tino went halfsies on so there would be more seating. It made the living room seemed unbalanced but at least I didn’t have to be all up on Tino and Pen. I climb onto the love seat next to Austin and look at the TV as Tino unpauses it.

-=-

Since Austin kept scoffing at Tino’s movie, he banished us to Austin’s room. I wasn’t exactly mad because the movie was kind of bad and now we got to watch _My Cat From Hell_. Plus, Austin was lying on me, kind of. I was up by his pillows, on what would be ‘my’ side of the bed, with a little room to spare for Austin’s textbook. Austin was lying horizontally across the bed, his head near my belly button and his long legs partly hanging off the bed.

“Alan.” He whispers as I run my fingers through his hair. I missed this so much. With him being all weird and crazy and me working and trying not to fail chemistry, it’s been hard, honestly.

“What?” I whisper back, careful not to be loud and piss Tino off.

“You know I love you, right?” He asks quietly.

“Yeah.” I smile.

“Okay, just checking.” He kisses the fabric right of my shirt, right above my belly button, then goes back to reading his book, that was open in front of him to the side of me.

I smiled a little, maybe I was being dramatic. Just because we didn’t have sex and hang out 24/7 didn’t mean that Austin had stopped loving me.

“I love you, too.”

“I know.” I knew Austin was smiling, even though I couldn’t see him.

I run my fingers through his hair. “Can I ask you something?” I might as well ask him if he thought we were out of our honeymoon phase.

“Of course, pumpkin.” Austin turns away from his book so he can look at me.

“Do you think our honeymoon is over?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s just, we barely hang out anymore, or talk, or have sex. It’s just, I don’t know.”

Austin moves so he’s sitting up. “Alan, I try to hang out with you.”

“No, you try to get me to go to the club with you.”

“It’s better than sitting around doing nothing.”

“No it’s not. What is there to do at a club? Drink? Dance some? That’s not fun, Aus.”

“Drinking is fun, dancing with cute boys is fun.” Austin’s eyes get kind of wide.

“Excuse me? You dance with other guys?” I ask, shocked.

Austin blinks. “I mean, sometimes? I was more referring to dancing with you, but yeah, when I go alone I dance with guys, it’s just dancing, Alan, you’re acting like I fucked some guy in an alley.”

I bit my lip. I was so _angry_. How did he think that dancing with other guys was okay? Especially when he didn’t even ask me or tell me. He lied about it. “You obviously knew you were doing something wrong if you didn’t tell me, Aus.” I don’t know why I’m surprised; I don’t know what I thought he did when he was at the club.

“There was nothing to tell you!” Austin exclaims.

“You grinded with someone who wasn’t me.”

“How do you even know if we grinded?” Austin rolls his eyes.

“Oh were you in the club fucking waltzing to God damn Usher, Austin?” I move aside my history stuff and climb off the bed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Are you seriously this pissed over dancing?” Austin sarcastically laughs as he gets off the bed.

“Yeah, I am.” I roll my eyes and cross my arms across my chest.

“Oh, okay, so you can kiss some guy and I can forgive you and get the fuck over it but when I dance with someone it’s the end of the world?” Austin nearly yells.

“Why are you even bringing that up?” I match his tone. “Bran and him kissing me have nothing to do with you rubbing your dick all over a bunch of twink asses.”

Austin look like he might laugh, but he holds it in.

“At least I fucking told you that Bran kissed me, I didn’t hide it from you!”

“I didn’t hide anything from you, Alan. You never asked, I didn’t fuck anyone, it’s none of your business. You didn’t want to go, so I went, and I had fun. It was nothing.”

“It’s like you don’t even care.”

“Care about what, Alan?”

“I’m your boyfriend! You’re not supposed to dance with people other than me!”

“You really have no room to talk, Alan, I’m just saying.”

“Why do you keep bringing that up? You said you forgave me!”

“Just making a point.”

“Okay, we get it, you didn’t have someone else kiss you. You’re so much better than me, Austin. Congratulations. But don’t forget, you were the one that wanted us to be honest with each other.”

“I was honest.”

“Obviously this is going nowhere.” I sigh and pick my backpack up off the floor and start zipping it up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going back to my room.”

“We’re not done talking.”

“Trust me, I’m done.” I grab my jacket off the doorknob of his closet door and put it on. “Have a nice night.”

“Alan.”

“Nope.” I put my backpack on and walk towards the door.

“We need to talk about this, Alan, you’re obviously pissed.”

“What the fuck do you think I’ve been trying to do, Aus? You refuse to listen to me.” He was honestly hurting me so badly right now and he didn’t even seem to understand. Bringing up my past mistakes wasn’t going to fix his, and acting holier than thou wasn’t helping either.

“Don’t leave.”

“Already walking towards the door.”

“Alan if you leave…”

“What? What are you going to do? Break up with me?” I ask while looking at him. One hand was on the door handle, the other on the strap of my backpack.

“No, but I’ll be really pissed.”

I turn the knob and open the door. “Bye.” I turn and walk out of the door, slamming it as I go. Yeah, it was a little dramatic, but I needed to get my anger out on something.

“Alan are you okay?” Penelope asks from the couch, she and Tino hadn’t moved.

“No.” I walk past her and out of the front door, slamming that one as well.

-=-

Justin wasn’t at the room, he had gone to the library and thankfully left his cigarettes out on his desk. I opened the window and brought his lighter and the pack of cigarettes over to the desk in front of the window.

I grabbed the iHome remote from the drawer and clicked play, then walked over to the fridge and got a can of beer from Justin’s fridge. I would pay him back. I climbed up on the desk and leaned against the window frame and lit up

_My, my baby blue  
Yeah, I’m thinkin bout you,  
My, my baby blue, _

How could Austin think it was okay to share something so intimate like dancing with someone that wasn’t me? Okay, so maybe intimate wasn’t the best word, but you’re not supposed to dance with other people if you’re in a relationship, that’s why they always show guys asking the girl’s boyfriend or whatever if it’s okay to dance with her. You don’t just go rub your dick on someone’s ass. That’s not how it works.

I cracked the beer and brought it to my lips.

_Yeah, I’m so jaded,  
And baby, I’m afraid of you. _

I was scared, kind of. Scared that I fucked up our relationship _again_. But honestly, I didn’t think this one was my fault. Yeah, I over-reacted, but he didn’t even react. He didn’t seem to care that I was upset or hurt.

_Your thinking is so complicated  
I’ve had it all up to here, but it’s so overrated._

I really just wanted to go to sleep, but I also wanted to cry, and I also wanted to run back to Austin’s apartment and apologize even though I wasn’t in the wrong. I don’t know what I’m going to do if Austin ends us.

_Love and hated  
Wouldn’t trade it  
Love me jaded_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song: 'Jaded' by Aerosmith


	9. nine

**Alan**

I woke up with an arm around my waist, and while it had some tattoos on it, it wasn’t Austin’s. It was Justin’s. He had come in shortly after my second beer, exhausted from studying and barely any sleep. I could tell he was ready to go to bed, but he stayed up with me and let me cry all over him and rubbed my back when I threw up out of the window.

I carefully move his hand to the side and rolled out of bed, nearly stepping on a beer can as I did.

After collecting my clothes and stuff for a shower I made my way into the bathroom. Thankfully, Justin and I got the shower in the mornings while Vince and his roommate got the showers at night, for the most part. Sometimes it didn’t work out that way, but whatever.

I happened to look in the mirror on the way to the enclosed shower space. I looked like shit. My hair was a mess, my eyes were red, under my eyes were red. Maybe if someone asked, I could tell them that I had allergies and I totally didn’t get drunk and cry for three hours over my stupid annoying boyfriend who likes to dance with other guys and then act like I’m the one at fault.

-=-

“Have fun in history class.” Justin tells me from my bed, I guess he wasn’t moving back to his own. “I hope you feel better.”

“Me too.” I grabbed my backpack and headed out of the door. Usually on Wednesday or any day that Austin and I both had a class in the history building, he would walk with me either to my room or his apartment, depending on what we were doing that day, but something told me that today I would walking back to my room alone.

-=-

“Fuck.” I mumbled to myself as I rummaged through my backpack. I had left my history stuff at Austin’s last night when I stormed out. Even if Austin would bring it to me, which I wasn’t sure if he would; he was probably already walking over to the building.

I put my head down on my backpack, I could just leave, the professor wasn’t here yet, as he usually showed up a minute before the class started, and then I could just turn the work in and have it be late.

“Alan?” I hear from beside me along with the rustling of a paper bag and the thud of a cup hitting the table. “Are you okay?”

I look up and Austin with his head tilted to mirror mine. “Go away.”

“If I go away, then who is going to eat this bagel I brought?” Austin asks. “I even got a packet of that blueberry spread because I know you like a thin layer of it over your regular cream cheese.”

“Go away.” I tried not to smile over the bagel, because if he wasn’t going to try and make up with me, food was a good place to start, but I didn’t feel like dealing with him right now.

“I got orange juice, too.”

I sighed and looked up. “I’m mad at you.”

Austin bites his lip. “I need to talk to you and this seemed like a way to make sure I could.”

“You’re bribing me?”

“In a way.” Austin gives me a small smile. “So if I give you the bagel, you are agreeing to come over to my apartment to talk this out, okay?”

“I don’t want it.” Yeah, I was being stubborn and difficult for no reason because I knew that we needed to talk, but at the same time, a bagel wasn't going to win my affections back. I would, of course, talk to him. I just wanted to mess with him a little.

“You don’t want it?” Austin asks with a hint of disbelief to his voice. “Okay, well I have something that I know you want.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to tell you. You have to trust me.”

“Why should I trust you?”

Austin sighs. “Alan, just fucking agree to talk to me. Why do you always have to be so difficult?” His tone was sharp and harsh. “This is why we get into fights anyway, because you never want to do anything and then you act like a child about stuff that doesn’t go your way.” People were starting to look at us, mainly the people that sat around me.

I felt my mouth drop a little; was he really doing this in the middle of my class? “Would you lower your voice and calm down?”

Austin shakes his head and drags his backpack over on the desk, then begins to look through it. “Here’s your history homework, I finished it for you so you wouldn’t lose points.” Austin drops the notebook on the table, making it whack against the table top.

“Thank you.” I was sincere. It was a nice gesture, especially since we fought last night.

“Whatever, Alan.” Austin gets up, leaving the bagel and bottle of juice, and leaves the room.

I pulled my notebook over to me and tried my best to hide myself from the few people staring at me. I felt terrible, hopefully he would be hanging around after class so we could talk since he took everything so seriously.

-=-

I didn’t even pay attention in history; all I could think about was Austin. I did want to talk to him about us and what the hell we were going through, but I wasn’t even sure if he wanted to talk to me anymore.

After class, I walked out in the hallway and Austin was standing next to his classroom door, as always. Thank God.

“Aus?” I ask and walk over to him.

“Oh you’re talking to me now?” He asks with some sarcasm in his voice.

“Yes.”

“Why do you think I want to talk to you now?”

“Austin please don’t act like this.”

“You mean don’t act like you acted ninety minutes ago?”

“Can we just talk, please?”

“What if I don’t want to talk to you?” Austin asks.

“This all your fault anyway, so if you don’t want to talk, fine.”

“How is this all my fault?” Austin asks, shocked. Like he didn't know. “Come on, we’re going back to my room.”

-=-

Austin and I were staring at each other. He was leaning against his desk and I was sitting in his bed near the pillows, my knees pulled up my chest. I didn’t like this, this feeling of Austin being mad at me. This bout of anger wasn’t as bad, at least I think, as the one I experienced when Bran kissed me, but I could still tell he was pissed. It wasn’t even my fault. He was the one who decided to dance with other people, not me.

“Okay, well since you won’t talk, I guess I will.” Austin sighs. “I talked to Phil a lot last night.”

“Okay?”

Austin crosses his arms and looks at his feet. “Like we talked about everything, Alan. We talked about our relationship, what I wanted in the future, how I wanted to get there. Everything.”

“Okay I have no idea what you’re getting at.” It was oddly sounding like Austin was about to tell me he was in love with Phil, but I don’t think that would happen.

“Phil thinks, and after what happened this morning. I can’t help but agree; that you and I need to take a break from each other.”

-=-=-=-

I stared at Austin, the words sinking in. _‘you and I need to take a break from each other’_. I blinked once and moved my gaze from Austin to the pattern of Austin’s comforter. “Are you serious?” I ask quietly, blinking more to hold back the tears that were slowly making their way to my tear ducts.

I hear Austin walk over to the bed, the feel him sit down. “Alan, it’s not forever.” He rubs my foot a little. “We just need some time apart to figure things out, you know?” Austin stops for a minute, I’m guessing so I could chime in with a response, but I didn’t have one; I remained quiet. This was a joke, it had to be, and if I stayed quiet the joke would end quicker. “Say something.” He moves onto the bed so he’s kneeling in front of me. “Alan, please.” I feel his pointer finger under my chin, trying to lift my head so I would look at him. I move my head away like a baby getting fed gross food; I was now looking at his door and that stupid fucking cat poster that supposedly reminded him of me.

“So you’re just going to sit there and ignore me? Alan I’m doing this for us.” He stops, probably waiting for me to talk. “I love you so much, Alan.” His voice cracks a little.

“You’re so fucking full of shit.” I mumble.

“Alan, I know it’s awful, but just trust me, it’s going to be okay.”

“You can’t go from breaking up with me to saying how much you love me.” I finally look at him, his eyes were watering. “It doesn’t make sense, Austin, to break up. We need to fix this, not push it aside and hope it gets better.” My eyes were starting to water now as well.

“I’m not pushing it aside, Alan.” Austin sighs. “We need time to ourselves.”

“Fine.” I maneuver my way off the bed.

“I don’t want you to be mad, Alan.” Austin turns and looks at me.

“What do you expect me to be, Austin? Happy? Should I be over the fucking moon that the guy that claims to love me just broke up with me? Of course I’m mad, Aus. I’m hurt, I feel betrayed.”

Austin bites his lip. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I ask in disbelief as I grab my backpack. “That’s all you’re going to say?” I could feel a couple of tears roll down my cheeks.

“I don’t know what else to say, Alan.” Austin was starting to cry as well.

“Take it back, Aus. Please?”

“Alan, I can’t, we need this.” His eyes were red, his cheeks streaked with water, his bottom lip was swollen. I probably looked similar.

“Fine.” I walk over to the door and open it, lingering longer than necessary to make sure he wasn’t kidding, then walk out, leaving it open behind me so he would have to close it himself.

-=-

“Alan!” I hear from behind me as I approach the door to TRAC. I quickly turned around in hopes that it would be Austin, that he had come back to beg me to forgive him and take him back and I would, and we would be okay.

Instead I’m met with Matthias, Kaleb’s younger brother. “Can you hold the door? My, um, key thing? It’s in my room, I left it.” His accent wasn't as thick than his brothers.

I nod and slide my own key and open the door before the buzzer went off and locked it again.

“Thanks, um, do I call you bro? Is that the right word?” He asks when he arrives on the steps.

I smile a little and shake my head, looking up at him. Matthias and Kaleb were both tall (almost as tall, if not taller than Austin) and muscular. Kaleb played hockey and Matthias played soccer, so Justin and I frequently watched him. “Well I guess that would be okay to say, but please don’t call me that.”

He smiles and nods. “Kaleb told me that not everyone liked that term.”

“Yeah.” I look down at my feet as we head inside.

“What’s wrong, kleiner?” He asks suddenly as we make our way to the stairs.

“Matthias, I’m going to be honest with you, I have no idea what you just called me.”

“Kleiner, it, um, means, like little one.” He smiles.

“Oh.” I kind of stare at him a moment before starting up the stairs, it was weird, but it was probably just a cultural thing, maybe? I don’t know, I don’t really feel like thinking about it. “My boyfriend just broke up with me.”

It felt weird to say it out loud. I was now single, Austin was not my boyfriend. I was single Alan again, and I didn’t want to be.

Matthias stays quiet as we go up the first flight of stairs and while it doesn’t really matter to me, I was beginning to think that maybe he didn’t want to talk to me because I am gay.

“That’s rough.” He finally tells me as we get to the second flight. “It’s not the same, but my boyfriend broke up with me before I came to America.”

I looked over at him. “I’m sorry, Matthias.”

“I’m more sad for you.” He comments. I wasn’t sure if he got the words mixed up or if they somehow translated, I don’t know, but it made me kind of want to cry.


	10. ten

**Austin.**

“Are you sure this was the best idea, Phil?” Tino asks him quietly in the kitchen. They were both talking in hushed tones so I couldn’t hear them, but I could, because Tino isn’t exactly the quietest person in the world. “He’s in there sobbing into a pillow, this is your fault.”

It wasn’t Phil’s fault at all. Phil just suggested the break between Alan and I, he thought it might make sense, and I agreed. He told me that Alan would probably freak out, which he did. Phil didn’t make me break up with Alan, I did that. I was the one who chose to fuck up one of the greatest things that had ever happened to me.

“It’s not my fault.” Phil replies, I had to strain to hear him. “He’s didn’t _have_ take my advice.”

“You still suggested it!” Tino mumbles. “Now we have to deal with him crying all the time, just like with Shayley, although I’m sure this time it’s going to be way worse.”

“Why do you think that?” Phil asks.

“Because he broke up with Alan and let’s be honest, Alan isn’t going to stay single for long, and that’s going to kill him, to see Alan with another guy. It killed him with Jerry and it’s going to kill him with whoever is next in line.”

Tino was right, he’s always right.

“Well, maybe that will be good for them.”

I heard Tino sigh. “I don’t know, Phil.”

-=-

**Alan.**

Justin wasn’t in the room when I got back, instead there was a note on the armoire.

_Alan,  
I’m with Andy (we’re meeting halfway) I don’t know when I’ll be back (if I come back all all because if he wants to fuck, I’m going to fuck), but if you need me call me and I will leave asap.  
I mean it, Ashby.  
I love you.  
Xoxo Justin_

Just what I fucking needed. Even if I did call Justin, it would be at least two hours before he got home and I don’t think my sadness is going to be going anywhere. I didn’t eat lunch, and I didn’t feel like walking over to the cafeteria, so pizza. Pizza would momentarily make me feel better and I wouldn’t die of starvation. Not sure if that was good or bad.

-=-

Of course, I didn’t have a pizza place menu because Austin always ordered pizza for us. I could get my computer out, but it was buried under my clean laundry on my desk, so getting it would take more work than really necessary.

I guess I could go ask Matthias if he had a menu or something.

I made sure my door was unlocked and headed across the hallway to Matthias and Kaleb’s room. I could hear a soft beat through the door; I hope I wasn’t interrupting sex or something. I knocked quickly and a little louder than usual.

“Hello Alan.” It was Matthias. “Need me to change your light bulb again?”

I smiled at little; last time the light in the bathroom went out neither Justin or I could figure out how to get the dome off the light. It also didn’t help that we couldn’t really reach it without stacking chairs on top of each other, which wasn’t safe. So Justin decided instead of calling maintenance to come help, that we would get Kaleb or Matthias to help us, and since Kaleb was at practice, we got Matthias. “Um, no actually.”

“Then what can I help you with, kleiner?” He asks in his kind of adorable German accent.

“I was wondering if you had a pizza takeout menu?” I ask. I felt so dumb, like what a stupid thing to come over to someone’s room for.

Matthias’ face scrunches a little. “Um, I think Kaleb has one, I’ll look for it, come in.”

I stepped inside and looked around. Their room wasn’t anything special, basic, really. Almost similar to Tino and Austin’s room last year. Speaking of Austin, I really need to stop thinking about him.

“Um, Matthias?”

Matthias turns to look at me from his place at his brother’s messy desk. “You can call me Matt, you know.” He smiles. “But what else can I help you with?” He goes back to rummaging through Kaleb’s stuff.

“Do you want to come over and eat this pizza with me? I have beer and stuff, I just, um, don’t really want to be alone.”

Matt looks back over. “If you want me to.” He smiles. “I can’t drink though, I have practice tomorrow, but I will come over and eat super greasy food with you and keep you company.”

“Thank you.”

-=-

“Do you like it here?” I ask Matthias as we chew happily on pepperoni pizza, which I guess I could finally have.

Matt nods. “America or the college?”

“Both I guess.”

“It is okay here.” He shrugs. “I’ll probably end up moving here once school is over, Kaleb is next year when he graduates, so mother will probably let me.”

“Is Kaleb your only sibling?”

Matt shakes his head. “I have a sister and another brother; Lukas and Andrea.”

I smiled. “Do you miss them?”

He nods. “A lot, but the internet here helps.” He takes a drink of his Gatorade. “Do you have any siblings?”

I shake my head. “Only child.”

He smiles. “I thought Justin was your brother, because you two look so similar.”

“Because of the hair?” I ask, only slightly rolling my eyes.

“No, although, that is part of it. You two just seem alike, maybe that’s why you’re such good friends?”

“Maybe.”

-=-

**Austin.**

“Are you going to class today?” Tino asks from my door, a cup of coffee in his hand, his hair all messy from just waking up.

“Probably not.” I mumble.

“Are you going to do anything at all today?” He asks.

“I don’t fucking know, Tino.” My tone was way too harsh and rude. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Tino sighs. “Well, I have to get to my practicum, Phil will be over soon to make sure you um, don’t do anything too drastic.”

“You don’t have to put me on suicide watch, Jesus.” I mutter.

“Well, Austin, I don’t know but I’m not taking the chance, okay? I know you’re upset and people do crazy things when they’re upset, so you’re getting a babysitter.”

“Fine, just make sure he brings me something to eat.”

“You want a bagel from the kiosk in commons?”

I could feel the tears start to prick from behind my eyes; that was the last thing I bought for Alan before I fucked it all up. A bagel with two packets of regular cream cheese and one blueberry packet. “No I don’t want a fucking bagel!”

“Jesus Christ, Austin, this is why Phil is coming over.” Tino mutters and walks away from my door.

-=-=-=-=

**Alan**

It had been a week since Austin had broken up with me. I hadn’t really seen him around campus, which was good, because I really don’t think I would be able to handle seeing him so soon. Even yesterday, when Austin and I both had history classes at the same time, I didn’t see him, I guess leaving ten minutes later than normal did help with that, but I had to. I didn’t want to start crying in the middle of the history building.

“Um, where do you think you’re going looking all cute?” Justin asks me from his bed.

I grabbed my jacket and shrugged it on. “Um, I don’t look that cute.” I look down at my plain white tee shirt and black jeans, and socked feet. “But I’m going to Kaleb’s hockey game with Matthias and Kaleb’s girlfriend Mia.”

“So like a date?” Justin’s eyes get wide.

I shake my head. “Um no.”

“Um yes.” Justin sets his textbook next to him. “You don’t even like hockey.”

“Just because I don’t like hockey, doesn’t mean that it’s a date.”

“Then why are you going?”

“Because Matthias wanted me to come with him.”

“Date.”

“It’s not a date; Kaleb’s girlfriend is going to be there.”

“Date.”

“It’s not a date; I’m not even over You Know Who.”

“The quickest way to get over a break up is a dick in your ass, Alan, come on, common sense.”

“Ignoring that comment.” I sigh. Justin is so weird. “Anyway, do I look okay?” Terrible question to ask; now he was going to think it was date. Which it was not.

“Shut up.” Justin laughs.

“Is it a crime to want to look presentable?”

“You look fine.” Justin takes a drink of his coke. “Fuckable, totally fuckable.”

“Not what I was going for.”

-=-

“Where’s Mia?” I ask Matt as we head to the gym building, which I had learned was not near the outdoor fields; apparently it’s in with the pool and indoor fields. The more you know, I guess.

“She’s already over at the rink.” He smiles as we make our way down the stairs. “She watched practice.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, she wants to spend as much time with him as she can since she’s only here for ten days.”

“Is her school on Thanksgiving break?”

“You Americans are so funny.” Matt laughs as he holds the door open for me.

“Thanks.” I mumble as I look at him. “What do you mean?”

“We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, duh.” I scrunch my face. “Why would you?”

“It’s okay.” He nudges me a little as he shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets. “So, do you like ice hockey?”

“Honestly,” I look over at him. “I’m not really into sports.”

“Alan you get more strange every time I speak to you.” He laughs. “What do you like, then?”

“Cats?”

“Cats?” He laughs again. He had an adorable laugh, it was kind of high pitched, it almost reminded me of a Christmas elf or something. “Again, strange.”

“Cats are the best, Matt.”

“I’m a dog person.”

“You’re killing me.” I laugh.

“We can still be friends, right?” He asks kind of seriously.

“Of course, I’m not that crazy.”

-=-

“What are you majoring in?” I was beginning to hate Matt and how he wanted to walk to the fields instead of drive, it was near the end of November, it was too cold for my fragile California body.

“Business.” He sighs. “It’s the only major I could do out of the ones mother picked for me.”

“She picked for you?” I asked a little shocked.

“She wanted to make sure her investment was worth it, so it was like a list of these crazy majors, Kaleb had a similar one, but he’s smart enough that he got into the medical program.”

“Oh.” I bit my lip a little. “What did you want to do?”

“Art.” He smiles. “She let me minor in art so I guess I can’t complain.”

“That’s good.” I smile. “Do you draw?”

He nods excitedly. “All the time.”

“What do you draw?” He was kind of cute when he was excited, the way his hazel eyes lit up. He reminded me a lot of Austin in a way and I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad.

“A little bit of everything. I can show you after the game, if you want.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

-=-

“Mia, this is Alan, he lives across the hall.” Matt introduces us as we head into the ‘home’ section of the arena.

“Hi.” I smile at the girl that was apparently Mia. She had long blond hair and a kind face with big, blue eyes.

“Oh my gosh, you’re Alan? You’re so adorable!” She exclaims in perfect English, no accent. I was kind of confused considering that Matt said she came from Germany to see Kaleb.

“Um thank you.”

-=-

After talking to Mia for a while, I learned that the reason she didn’t have an accent is because her parents are American and they moved to Germany right after she was born for some reason she didn’t explain, and I didn’t really care to know.

“Alan, do you like popcorn?” Matthias asks suddenly, causing me to look away from the fight going on down on the ice.

“Huh?” I ask before realizing what he asked. “Yeah, why?”

“I was going to go get some.” He looks at me. “I was wondering if you wanted to share bag?”

“I guess.” I smile.

“Awesome, I’ll be back, don’t move.” He gets up and slides past me, his perfect butt in my face for a couple of seconds. This wasn’t going to end well, hanging out with Matt this much if he was going to do things like that.

I bit my lip a little and turned to see Mia smiling. “He has it so bad for you.”

“What?”

“He likes you, you can’t tell?”

“I don’t really pay attention.”

“Oh, are you straight?” She gasps. “I’m so sorry, you must think I’m a freak, I just assumed because Matt talks about you. Oh God.”

“No, no, you’re okay.” I laugh. “Gold star gay.”

“Oh, now I feel even more stupid.” She sighs. “Let’s just forget I said anything.”

“He likes me though?” I ask ignoring her request to pretend she never spoke.

“You didn’t hear it from me.” She sighs and grabs her huge bag and starts rummaging through it. I was glad that it was mostly socially unacceptable for guys to pack around purses because it would be annoying to pack one.

“Got it.”

“Do you like him?” She asks as she finally finds the item she was looking for; lip gloss, and applies it to her lips. “I won’t tell.” She rubs her lips together, then tosses the tube back into her bag. “I promise.”

“I just got out of a relationship, so I’m not really looking.” It was weird to say, that I wasn’t with Austin anymore.

“Oh I’m sorry.” She rubs my shoulder. “Unless he was an asshole.”

‘Oh no, Austin was, is...amazing for the most part.”

“Then why did you—” Mia is cut off by Matt showing up with a bag of popcorn and a cup with two straws. Maybe Justin was right and Matt thought this was a date.

“I’m back.” He smiles and takes his place in between Mia and myself. “Do you like blue drinks? I don’t know the flavor; a lot of people were getting it. It’s like ice but you can drink it with a straw.”

“It’s called a slushie.” I smile. “Do they not have those in Germany?”

Matt shrugs. “I’m not sure.”

-=-

“Did you have fun?” He asks as we head back to the dorm.

“It was a lot better than I expected.” I answer truthfully. A lot more entertaining than the baseball games Austin made me watch with him.

“Good.” He smiles. “Maybe next time we can do something you enjoy?”

“Like go pet cats at a pet shelter?”

He looks at me quizzically. “If that’s what you would like to do.”

“I’ll have to think about it.” I smile. It was late, so it was getting colder, even colder than before. “What are you doing over Thanksgiving break?”

Matt shrugs. “Not sure, Mia and Kaleb will probably try to have sex while I’m in there so I might try to hide out at the library or something.” He sighs. “What about you?”

“Well, I was going to go to Austin’s like I did last year, but something tells me I’m not invited his year.” I was seriously bummed about not being able to go to Austin’s for Thanksgiving. I was looking forward to seeing his dad and Augustus, and maybe kiss where we kissed last year. But that was over now and it wasn’t going to happen. “Andy, Justin’s boyfriend, said I could come to his house for Thanksgiving with Justin, but I think that might be super awkward, so I might just hole up in my room with about five gallons of ice cream and call it a holiday.”

Matt smiles and laughs a little. “Maybe we could hang out a little over break? If you don’t mind?”

“Yeah of course.” I smile. “I’m sure we can find something to do.”


	11. eleven

**Alan**

“So, um, thank you for going with me.” Matthias smiles we get back to our rooms. I was standing next to my door and he was standing pretty close to me.

“You’re welcome.” I give him a small smile.

He moves so he’s standing on the balls of his feet, making himself taller for only a second. We stared at each other for a few minutes. “Did you want to come over? If not that’s cool I know it’s late.”

“Um, maybe we can reschedule? I have a lot of homework.” I wasn’t lying. “Maybe Saturday? I have to work tomorrow.”

Matt nods. “Yeah, that’s good, actually because I have practice tomorrow and training and all of that fun stuff.”

“Awesome, well I’ll see you then.” I smile. I could almost guarantee that Justin was listening through the door.

“Yes.” He responds with a smile to match my own. He hesitates for a couple of seconds, I could tell he was thinking, the he steps forward and places a tiny kiss on my lips.

I bit my lip and moved back a little. I wasn’t really sure what to do; I wasn’t over Austin. I didn’t know if I wanted things to go further than friends with Matthias.

“I’m sorry.” He sighs and steps back towards his own door. “I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s fine.” I didn’t want for him to beat himself up over it. It’s not like I had a boyfriend. It’s not like I had someone to answer to. I could kiss him if I really wanted to, I could blow him if I really wanted to, hell, I could fuck him if I really wanted to.

But I didn’t know what I wanted; because part of me still wants Austin and honestly, I’m not sure if that will ever go away.

“You obviously weren’t into it.”

“It’s not that I wasn’t into it, I just, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet.”

He nods. “Yeah, I understand.” He sounded sincere, which I was glad for. Maybe at some point I wanted to be with Matt and I didn’t want this to ruin it. “I’m going to head back to my room.”

“Same.” I laugh a little and Matt giggles a little. “But Saturday is still on, correct?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll see you then.” He smiles then goes walks the few short steps back to his room.

-=-

I was right, Justin was standing next to the door when I walked in, he of course tried to make it look like he was looking for something, but I know things and I know that Justin was not looking through his backpack, which is never next to the door anyway, for a pencil.

“How was your date?” He asks nonchalantly as he walks towards his bed, with no pencil, might I add.

“It wasn’t a date.”

Justin sighs as he climbs onto his bed. “How was the hockey game you went to just because our insanely sexy neighbor asked you to go?”

“It was okay, Central won, so I guess that’s good.” I shrug and hop on my own bed.

Justin pauses for a moment. “Anything interesting happen?” He asks quickly.

I bite my lip and shake my head. “Nope.”

Justin narrows his eyes. “You, my little Californian friend, are lying.”

“He kissed me.”

And cue Justin nearly yelling ‘what’ at me. “Really?”

“Yes, it was only a tiny kiss, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“So are you going to go on another date?”

“Well the hockey game wasn’t a date, so no.”

“Why not?”

“Because of Austin, Justin. I’m not over him.”

Justin sighs. “It’s only been a week.”

“I know, but I don’t think I’m ready to start dealing with guys again.” I looked over at Sittins, who was sitting next to my pillows. I hadn’t had the heart to put anything of Austin’s away yet. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it either. I could put it in a box and shove it in my closet, since it seemed that Austin did want to get back together, or I could box it up and leave it on his doorstep, either way, keeping it out wasn’t helping. I looked back over at Justin who was looking at me.

“It’s good that you’re not moping around the room and that you’re hanging out with Matthias because honestly, I thought you would just be in here twenty four seven and a mess.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, Alan, look at your past, okay.”

“You should talk.”

-=-

**Austin.**

“Austin, do you want dinner?” I looked over to see Penelope standing next to my door. “Tino’s going to order from the diner on campus and go pick it up.”

“Um, I guess.” I was hungry, and lonely, and what better way to fight loneliness than with food?

Penelope walks into my room and I notice the menu in her hand. “You can just circle what you want.”

“Okay, thanks.” I take the menu from her and begin to look it over.

“Are you okay?” She asks quietly. “You haven’t left your room much.”

“I fucked up, Pen.”

“Have you talked to him?” She asks as she walks over to my desk and hops up on it, moving several notebooks and pencils out of the way.

“I haven’t seen him on campus, so no.”

“You know where he lives, go talk to him, tell him you want him back.”

I sigh. Because it was that easy. “I can’t just go beg him to take me back, Pen.”

“Why not? Alan loves you so much, Austin, he’ll listen.”

-=-

**Alan.**

Justin had left to go to the library and I was tired, so I got all ready to go to sleep. I had taken some of the pictures of Austin and I down, the ones on the wall behind my bed. I loved to look at them while I went to sleep, so he would be the last thing I saw before I fell asleep.

I didn’t have the heart to remove the picture of Austin and me at Disney with Snow White, it was one of the best days of my life and we both looked so happy. We were happy.

I cuddled Sittins closer and stared at the picture. I missed him so much, it hadn’t really hit me until now, when I started removing things. I guess before it seemed like he was just really busy.

I needed to move on.  
I stared at the steak house in front of me. I hated having a job, well, this job. I didn’t like dealing with annoying customers who barely tipped and having to deal with screaming children who knocked over their cups. It was awful. I hated it.

But, when you’re going through a depressing time, it’s good to have something to keep you busy, or that’s what they say, anyway. So as much as I hated working here, I was kind of glad for it.

“Hey Alan!” My manager, Cindy greets me from the podium. “You’re in section three today!” She’s so unnaturally perky, it’s extremely annoying.

“Thanks.” I sigh.

“Alan, there’s a guest a table two, it’s only half the party but you should go over there.” Cindy tells me.

“Okay.” I sigh and head over to my section, which was in the far back corner, kind of hidden by these fake walls that were covered in hideous, tacky, western decorations.

“Hi my name is Alan and I’ll be your server.” I mumble while looking at the memorabilia on the lowered ceiling above the booth that my customer was sitting in. “What can I get for you…” I look down. “Jerry.”

A smile spreads across Jerry’s face. “Cali, it’s been a while.”

“Only a couple of months.” I bite my lip. “Why are you on this side of town?”

“I’m getting a new apartment and consequently, a roommate.” He sighs and messes with the paper holding the napkin around his silverware. “She lives on this side of town and thought we should get together to talk over dinner.” He rolls his eyes a little. “If I didn’t know she was a lez, I would think that she wanted to fuck me.”

I nod. “Well not everyone wants to _fu—_ , have relations with you, Jerry.”

“So I’m finding out.” He widens his eyes a little. “Why are you working? I thought mommy and daddy paid for everything.”

“They thought a job would be a good learning experience.” I sigh. “It’s not.”

Jerry laughs a little. “Well here is some knowledge for you; I want a coke.”

“No alcohol?”

Jerry shakes his head. “I told you, Cali, I’m sober now.”

“Honestly, Jerry, I didn’t think it would last this long.”

“That makes two of us.”

-=-

When I got back with Jerry’s coke, his new roommate was across from him.

“Here’s your coke.” I set it down the red cup down in front of Jerry along with a wrapped straw.

“Thank you Cali.” He smiles and bangs his straw on the table to get the paper off. “This is Em, Cali.”

“Hi.” I smile.

She tucks her long blonde hair behind her ear. “Hi, nice to meet you.”

“Can I get you something to drink?”

She nods. “Um, water is fine, actually.”

-=-

“Can I get you…anything else?” I ask as I stand in front of Jerry, Em’s stuff was gone when I came back. “Where is she?”

“She had to go.”

“You didn’t scare her off, did you?” I ask.

Jerry laughs a little. “No, Cali, I didn’t. She had a work emergency.”

“Mhm.” I nod. “Anyway, do you want anything else?”

“Not that I can think of.” He shakes his head. “I do have a question though.”

“And what would that be, Jerry?” I ask and sit in Em’s vacated spot. It was a weird time so I didn’t have any other tables, since my only other one had just left.

“You still with Austin?” He asks and takes a drink from his cup.

I shake my head. “We broke up eight days ago.”

“Eight days? How specific.” He sighs. “I’m sorry, Cali.”

“It’s whatever.”

“Why did you break up?”

“He thought we needed time apart.”

“That’s fucking bullshit.” Jerry sighs. “Probably wanted to stick his dick elsewhere, which I don’t understand why he would if he had you.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet. It was weird receiving a _compliment_ , if you could even call it that, from Jerry.

“Anyway, Cali, I’m sorry about Austin, but I’ve got to go so I can get the check?”

I nod and hand it to him. “I’ll see you around?”

“Hopefully.”

-=-

When I returned to collect my little folder that I had given back to Jerry, there was a note written on the back of the receipt, along with a nice tip.

_I really want 2 talk 2 u more, Cali. I miss talking to u. My # is the same, but u prob deleted it, so ill give it 2 u again.  
I also understand if u don’t want to talk 2 me.  
But I hope u do.  
Xx jerry _

His number was written underneath, in small, only kind of neat numbers. I sighed and took out my phone and put the numbers in under a new ‘Jerry’ contact, since the other one was deleted.

-=-

**Austin.**

“Wait, you’re going out tonight?” Tino asks with a shocked tone to his voice as I enter the main living space in our apartment.

“Um, yeah?” I walk over to the fridge, avoiding the ice cubes on the ground from Tino’s drink. I had socks on and didn’t feel like getting a new pair out of my drawer since it took a lot to get halfway presentable.

“It’s just, you haven’t really left the room for anything other than class and work.”

“Well it’s Friday, next week is Thanksgiving break and I figure I might as well go out tonight before my dad kills me.”

“Why is he going to kill you?”

I sighed and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, then walked over to the fridge to get the Brita pitcher out. “Alan.”

“Why would he kill you because of Alan?”

“Because he was so excited for the two of us and he was excited that I found someone who is perfect and now I’ve fucked it up and I know I’m going to get a long lecture about it.” I pour some water into the glass, then set the pitcher on the counter.

Tino doesn’t respond, so I take that as a sign that he agrees with my dad, which was just awesome. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Pen and I are leaving for Columbus tonight.”

“Oh right, you guys are ditching your families on Thanksgiving.” I give him a small smile to show him that I’m teasing. “Have fun?”

“You know we will.” Tino laughs. “You have fun tonight, too, okay? You need it. But not too much fun, and be careful, okay?”

I nod. “Yes dad.”

-=-

Why I thought going back to the club that basically started the problems with Alan was a good idea, I’ll never know. But that’s where I went.

I was sitting in a booth with a half empty bottle of beer in front of me, two other empty bottles next to it, staring off into space.

“Hey.”

I look up to see a cute guy looking at me. He had dark hair and bright eyes, opposite of Alan. He was taller than Alan, and more muscular. “Hi.”

“You want to dance?” He asks with a small smile.

“Why not?” Thanks pretty much to this exact situation, I no longer had a boyfriend, so I might as well take advantage of it.

-=-

This guy, who’s name started with an E, Eric, maybe? Edward? I don’t know, had me shoved against a wall in the alley near the club, his lips on mine, hands wandering around my waist area. He removes his lips from mine. “You’re clean, right?” He asks as he moves his fingers to my belt.

“What?” I ask, a bit shocked. “Yeah, of course.”

 _E_ unzips my jeans. “Good.” He shoves my pants down , then I feel it, the wet hotness in my lower region.

-=-

**Alan.**

“How was work?” Justin asks as I walk in the room, my fingers already starting to take my stupid _I love meat!_ shirt off.

“It was okay.”

Justin nods. “Anything happen? I live for your work stories.”

“Something interesting happened once, Justin, and nothing has happened even similar to that waitress tripping on the bar step.

“I know.” Justin sighs. “But I keep hoping.”

“Um, well,” I stopped. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell Justin about Jerry because, well, it’s Jerry. And Justin would probably have a panic attack and that was something that I didn't need to deal with, especially when I wasn't even sure if I was going to talk to Jerry again.

“Well what?” Justin asks.

“Nothing.” I shrug. “I’m going to go see if Vince or his roommate are in the bathroom.

“Weirdo.”


	12. twelve

**Alan**

When I woke up the next, well, afternoon, I quickly got ready as I responded to the six texts from Matthias. Usually I would be kind of put off, but I knew he was excited so I just ignored the number of texts and replied once, then made my way across the hall.

I knocked on Matt’s door and waited for him to answer, which only took like .5 seconds.

“Hi Matt.”

“Come in,” He smiles. “Kaleb is out with Mia.”

I walk into his room and wait for him to close the door.

“So how was work yesterday?” He asks as he walks over to his bed and climbs on with ease. His bed was a little taller than Justin and I’s, but because of his height, he didn’t need a chair or anything else or assist him.

“It was okay.” I stand closer to his bed and look at him as he pats the space next to him. “I saw an old friend, which was kind of weird.”

“Good or bad?” Matt asks as I climb up onto his bed, struggling a little.

“I don’t know yet.” I sigh and lean against his wall.

“Oh.” Matt leans against his headboard and places his hands in his lap, in the space made available by him sitting Indian style.

“Yeah, anyway, how was training or whatever you did yesterday?”

“Terrible.” Matt laughs. “I smashed my finger in some weights.”

“Really?” I ask, kind of horrified. “Are you okay?”

He nods. “I just have a black finger nail now.” He holds his right hand out to me.

I take his hand in mine and look at his ring fingernail, there was a blackish-red spot near the top of the nail, but I was really focusing on that, I was more focused on how strong, yet soft, his hands were.

It was almost like someone else was controlling my movements and I brought Matt’s hand to my mouth and pressed a kiss to his fingernail. Maybe because I always did it to Austin when he hurt himself, like when he smacked his hand on his bedside table or when he got in the fight with Jerry, or maybe I just wanted to kiss Matt a little without totally going for it.

“What was that for?” Matt asks with a tiny giggle.

“My mom does it when I hurt myself, and since your mom is in Germany, I thought I could, I don’t know, step in briefly?”

“Well thank you, my finger is feeling way better now.” Matt smiles.

“Good.” I smile as I let go of his hand, almost with some sadness. If I had to get over Austin with someone, I wanted it to be Matt. As terrible as that sounded.

-=-

“We should do something fun over break.” Matt suggests as I look as his art, which was amazing. While he was really good at landscapes, his portraits were insanely good. Way better than his landscapes. He had a few of Kaleb, one of Mia, and a couple other people I was assuming to be his other siblings.

“Like what? There’s not a whole lot to do.”

“Well if we did something together it could be fun.”

“Again, like what?” I ask with a tiny laugh.

He shrugs. “I don’t know, go get dinner or something?”

“That’s your idea of fun?”

“Well I like to eat.”

“I do too, kind of.”

“Well we should do that then, and then maybe do something else.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Matt? Just be honest.” I ask as I look as him.

Matt holds his thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart. “Maybe just a little?”

“Just a little?”

“Well, I was hinting at one.” He shrugs. “Because I wasn’t sure if you would even like to go on one, considering what happened after the hockey game.”

“It could be fun.” Like I said before, if I was going to move on with anyone, I’d like it to be Matthias.

“Really?” he asks, kind of shocked.

I nod. “I guess, as long as you’re nice to me.”

“Of course I’ll be kind to you, Alan.” He smiles his goofy smile and it kind of made me miss Austin a bit. “It’ll be a great date, I promise.”

 

-=-=-=-=-

When I woke up the next, well, afternoon, I quickly got ready as I responded to the six texts from Matthias. Usually I would be kind of put off, but I knew he was excited so I just ignored the number of texts and replied once, then made my way across the hall.

I knocked on Matt’s door and waited for him to answer, which only took like .5 seconds.

“Hi Matt.”

“Come in,” He smiles. “Kaleb is out with Mia.”

I walk into his room and wait for him to close the door.

“So how was work yesterday?” He asks as he walks over to his bed and climbs on with ease. His bed was a little taller than Justin and I’s, but because of his height, he didn’t need a chair or anything else or assist him.

“It was okay.” I stand closer to his bed and look at him as he pats the space next to him. “I saw an old friend, which was kind of weird.”

“Good or bad?” Matt asks as I climb up onto his bed, struggling a little.

“I don’t know yet.” I sigh and lean against his wall.

“Oh.” Matt leans against his headboard and places his hands in his lap, in the space made available by him sitting Indian style.

“Yeah, anyway, how was training or whatever you did yesterday?”

“Terrible.” Matt laughs. “I smashed my finger in some weights.”

“Really?” I ask, kind of horrified. “Are you okay?”

He nods. “I just have a black finger nail now.” He holds his right hand out to me.

I take his hand in mine and look at his ring fingernail, there was a blackish-red spot near the top of the nail, but I was really focusing on that, I was more focused on how strong, yet soft, his hands were.

It was almost like someone else was controlling my movements and I brought Matt’s hand to my mouth and pressed a kiss to his fingernail. Maybe because I always did it to Austin when he hurt himself, like when he smacked his hand on his bedside table or when he got in the fight with Jerry, or maybe I just wanted to kiss Matt a little without totally going for it.

“What was that for?” Matt asks with a tiny giggle.

“My mom does it when I hurt myself, and since your mom is in Germany, I thought I could, I don’t know, step in briefly?”

“Well thank you, my finger is feeling way better now.” Matt smiles.

“Good.” I smile as I let go of his hand, almost with some sadness. If I had to get over Austin with someone, I wanted it to be Matt. As terrible as that sounded.

-=-

“We should do something fun over break.” Matt suggests as I look as his art, which was amazing. While he was really good at landscapes, his portraits were insanely good. Way better than his landscapes. He had a few of Kaleb, one of Mia, and a couple other people I was assuming to be his other siblings.

“Like what? There’s not a whole lot to do.”

“Well if we did something together it could be fun.”

“Again, like what?” I ask with a tiny laugh.

He shrugs. “I don’t know, go get dinner or something?”

“That’s your idea of fun?”

“Well I like to eat.”

“I do too, kind of.”

“Well we should do that then, and then maybe do something else.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Matt? Just be honest.” I ask as I look as him.

Matt holds his thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart. “Maybe just a little?”

“Just a little?”

“Well, I was hinting at one.” He shrugs. “Because I wasn’t sure if you would even like to go on one, considering what happened after the hockey game.”

“It could be fun.” Like I said before, if I was going to move on with anyone, I’d like it to be Matthias.

“Really?” he asks, kind of shocked.

I nod. “I guess, as long as you’re nice to me.”

“Of course I’ll be kind to you, Alan.” He smiles his goofy smile and it kind of made me miss Austin a bit. “It’ll be a great date, I promise.”


	13. thirteen

**Alan**

Matt had left shortly after we had sex, apparently Kaleb needed him for something, and honestly, I was a little relieved. I didn’t really want to have sex with him, it just happened before I could really stop it. I think I let it happen because tomorrow (well, technically today, since it was just after midnight) was the first day that Austin had kissed me, in his dad’s apartment. I had so many plans for this day, when I went to Austin’s for Thanksgiving. I was probably going to kiss him in the same place he kissed me the first time, but obviously, that wasn’t going to happen.

I should have gone to Andy’s with Justin, then I wouldn’t be in this predicament.

After sliding off my bed and pulling my basketball shorts on as I walked over to where my phone was currently lit up. I sighed and grabbed it off Justin’s bed.

_Cali! R u doin anthing 4 thanksgivin?_

I squinted at the screen, reading the message from Jerry of all people. Obviously we had talked a little since I saw him at work.

_sitting in my dorm avoiding my neighbor?_

I was planning on getting a shower, but since everyone was gone, that could wait. I made my way to my bed and climbed on.

_em and her gf are cooking turkey and shit, you want to come over?_

_sure_

I didn’t have anything else to do and it sure beat eating microwave food.

_c u 2morrow cali :) we’re eating at 5:30 em said so get here before then?_

-=-

After I pulled up to Jerry’s new apartment, I hesitated. Sure, Jerry seemed different, but I wasn’t sure if he really was. It could be an act, and it could be temporary. I wasn’t sure and after last night I didn’t really want the moves put on me.

I knocked on the door and waited until a girl with dark brown, short hair opens the door. “You must be Alan!” She smiles and pulls me in the door. “Jerry has told Em and I all about you.”

“I’m sure that was really interesting.” I wonder if he left out the part when I threw Chinese food on him and he used me for sex.

“It was!” She smiles and drags me past the well decorated front hallway and down to the kitchen. “My name is Erica, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.”

-=-

“Hey Cali.” Jerry smiles from the living room, Erica had shown me where it was.

“You’re not helping them?”

He laughs. “Um no?”

“Why?”

“Because I tried to and they literally pushed me in here because I dropped an egg on the ground.”

“At least you tried.”

“Maybe, I don’t know. How have you been?”

I sighed. “Okay, I guess.”

“Still heartbroken over Carlile?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Have you attempted to focus your attention elsewhere?”

“What do you mean?” I ask as I turn and look at him.

He shrugs and presses his two pointer fingers together. “You know, try to fuck someone?”

I rolled my eyes. “Last night, it didn’t go over very well.”

“He didn’t want you?”

“No he did, I didn’t really want him.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know? Maybe because he’s not Austin.” I sighed. “I mean, I like Matt, I guess, but maybe not in that way.”

Jerry looks at me. “Did you fuck him though?”

“Yeah.”

“Nice.”

“What about you?” I ask, trying to change the subject. “Are you fucking anyone?”

Jerry laughs a little. “Nope.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.” He laughs a little. “Just haven’t.”

“That’s not like you at all.”

“I know.”

-=-

 **Austin**.

“Is your turkey okay?” My dad asks from across the table. “I think I might have cooked it too long.”

I shake my head. “It’s fine.”

“Then why do you look so upset?” My dad asks as he adds another slice of turkey to his plate. “Alan still?”

“Of course it’s Alan.” I sighed.

“Austin, this moping thing is really annoying. Just text him or I’ll do it for you.”

“Really? You’re threatening me?”

“Yeah I am, because it’s clear you won’t do it yourself.”

“Do you think I should?” I was confused. “I mean he probably doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Austin.”

-=-

I had the message typed out on my phone, I just hadn’t pressed ‘send.’ All it said was ‘hi’ but I was still scared to send it, scared that Alan would ignore it, scared that it was officially done between Alan and I. Even though I _was_ the one that ended it. I realized how big of a mistake that was and I wanted Alan back. As cheesy and ridiculous as it sounds, I really think that Alan is the one. Like _the_ one.

I had to send it.

-=-

**Alan.**

_Hi._

That’s all the message from Austin said, two letters after all he put me through.

“Who’s that?” Jerry asks as he walks back into his bedroom, toothbrush in his hand, hair a mess.

“My mom.” I lied and exited out of his message thread.

“How cute.” Jerry scoffs as he goes back to brushing his teeth as he walks over to his dresser.

Jerry’s room wasn’t a mess anymore, but that could be because he just moved in and didn’t have the time to accumulate so much trash. “Yeah, she just wanted to see if I was having a good Thanksgiving.”

“Are you?” I could barely understand him from the toothbrush in his mouth, but I kind of figured it out.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Jerry smiles, causing some toothpaste to come out of his mouth a little. “I’m going to get a shower, you’re welcome to join me, or you can stay on my bed, whatever. Everything is in the same drawer if you need something.”

“I think I'll just stay here, thanks.”

I grabbed my phone as Jerry walked back into his bathroom and texted Austin back quickly.

_Really?_

-=-=-=-=-=-

“What’s wrong Cali?” Jerry asks as he walks back into his bedroom, only in underwear and his hair sticking up from his towel.

“Nothing.” I lie as I exit out of the message from Austin, which he had replied with _can we talk?_

“Cali I know that look, it’s half the look I saw right before I got orange chicken all over my kitchen.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Jerry shrugs as he climbs on his bed. “What’s wrong though?”

“I can’t beat this stupid candy crush level.” I shrug.

“Liar.”

I sighed and looked at him. “Austin texted me.”

“And what did he say?”

“He wants to talk.”

“Do you want to talk to him?”

I shrugged a little. “I do, but I know if I do I’ll just take him back without a second thought.”

“Well obviously you’ve thought about it to know that you don’t want to take him back right away, so don’t?” Jerry looks at me like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, to not take back the person you love the most, the person who gets you, the person who has literally been there for me since day one of the scariest moment thus far in my life.

“It’s more complicated than that.” I sigh and pull Jerry’s blanket up to my face. His sweatpants were not warm enough.

“Because you like to continue to sleep with the neighbor boy?” Jerry laughs.

“Um no.” I rolled my eyes. “I just love Austin a lot, you know? And he’s so hard to say ‘no’ to.”

“I don’t know, it’s pretty easy for me to say ‘no’ to him.”

I glared at Jerry as my phone began to vibrate on my stomach. I grabbed it and read the message from Austin. _I know you read that, can you please text me back?_ “Because you aren’t in love with him.

-=-

“Thanks for letting me stay here last night and for making my Thanksgiving not as sucky as I thought it was going to be.” I tell Jerry as I walk towards my car. I was really thankful because I was trying to avoid Matt.

“It’s no problem.” Jerry smiles. “I’m glad it wasn’t totally weird.”

“Me too, I'm honestly surprised you behaved yourself.”

"Did you think I was going to try to fondle you in your sleep or something? Come on, Cali." Jerry playfully rolled his eyes. "I believe that when you decide you want me back you'll let me know."

"Way to ruin the moment, Jerry." I gave him a small smile to show him that I was kidding. I didn't want to sleep with him, but we could still joke. I wasn't totally oblivious to the fact that Jerry and I could probably become really good friends.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"Whatever. I have to go, thanks again."

"Anytime Cali, just make sure you call before you come over because you never know."

"You might have a threesome going on or something?"

"One day it will happen, Alan, I promise you."

"Keep dreaming."

-=-

I was really glad that Matt wasn’t waiting next to my door when I got back from the grocery store. I nearly broke my hand trying to pack my groceries up in one trip so I would lessen my chance of seeing him. Honestly, I was kind of mad at myself for sleeping with him, I really shouldn’t have. I really didn’t _want_ to, it just happened.

_how are things?_

It was a text from Justin, who hadn’t texted me since going to see Andy, which wasn’t really surprising.

 _I’ll fill you in when you get home ;)_ I responded quickly, per usual, I would probably leave out the fact that I visited Jerry and was talking to him again, but I could tell him about my mistake with Matt.

I opened my mini fridge and started to move things around so I could fit my milk, frozen dinners, and my leftovers from Jerry’s, which I would probably be eating tonight for dinner.

_you suck :( but so do I ;)_

I rolled my eyes as I closed my fridge after shoving things inside.

_gross_

-=-

It was around ten, right as soon as I got comfortable, with an episode of _My Cat From Hell_ , there was a light knock on my door.

“Are you kidding me?” I sighed and got off my bed, moving my phone to the side and slowly getting off my bed. This was really unnecessary and rude.

There was another knock on the door. Impatient much? “Hold on, damn.” I mumbled as I go closer, it wasn’t a long walk to the door; I was just walking slowly to be a pain in the ass, like this person was being a pain in the ass.

“Oh.” I blinked once as I looked at the person at the door, to say that I was annoyed would be an understatement.


	14. fourteen

**Austin**.

It took one Backstreet Boy song to make me work up the nerve to just go to Alan’s room. It was weird, because usually when a depressing song came on, I would just pull my comforter up a little farther, bury my head a little more, and not want to even get out. But the lyrics were a slap in the face, there _was_ something missing in my heart and he right across campus. I had to go get him and at least _try_.

-=-

The whole way over to TRAC, I worked on what I wanted to say to Alan to get him back. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a lot, because I knew Alan would probably not listen, and there was really only thing that I could think of; I loved him more than anything. And I knew that I fucked up, and I wasn’t too proud to beg and plead to get Alan back.

-=-

“Oh.” It wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for, but it was valid. He was upset with me, and he had a right to be.

“Hi.” My voice was shaking. I hadn’t seen him in person since I broke up with him.

“Is there a reason why you’re here?” Alan sighs that cute sigh that he did a lot. “I’m in the middle of watching something.”

“I just wanted to talk.” I sighed. “I texted you and you never texted me back and I didn’t want to keep texting you because I know you hate that.”

“I do hate that.” Alan smiles, it’s not a big smile, more like a tiny smirk, but I saw it.

“So, um, can we talk?” I shifted my feet and shoved my hands farther into my pockets.

Alan bit his lip. “I guess.” He moves out of the way so I could come in. “Close the door.” I did what he told me to, I was going to close the door anyway. It was weird being in his room again. All the pictures of us, except one, were removed from the wall next to his bed, and I think the only reason why the picture that remained was there, was because Justin was in it. It kind of hurt my heart.

But while the photos were gone, there was still touches of our relationship left; my own kind of beacon of hope. Sittins, the cat I won him, was sitting next to his pillow, like always. The blanket that we had sex on on Valentine ’s Day was shoved into the corner of his bed. I recognized a few of my t-shirts littering the ground next to his dresser.

“What did you want to talk about?” Alan asks in a dry, monotone voice, his back turned towards me as he walks over to the desk they used to spy on the soccer boys.

I licked my top lip. “I think that’s pretty obvious.” I give a small laugh to try and make it seem like I wasn’t being rude.

Alan turns around and shrugs. “You came over here, I’m not playing a guessing game.”

Leave it to Alan to be difficult. “Us.”

“There’s no us, Austin, you broke up with me.”

I felt my throat tighten a little. “I want to change that; you were right, Alan, we should have talked, not broken up.”

Alan bites his lip and then walks over to his fridge. “You want a drink? I think we’re going to be here a while.”

-=-

I sat quietly on the floor, leaning against Justin’s dresser, Alan leaning against his own. Alan was slowly sipping his beer, while my own was sitting in between my outstretched legs unopened. I didn’t want alcohol to interfere with what I wanted to say.

Alan sighs. “You said you wanted to talk, and yet we are just sitting here.”

“I need you.”

“Then why did you break up with me?”

“Because I was stupid.” I look down at my can, I was really thinking about opening it. “I thought that maybe if we spilt up, we could, I don’t know, realize that we needed to be together. I mean, that’s what happened to me.”

“So what you’re saying is that you didn’t think you needed me before?”

“No, I just, I don’t know, Alan. I’m stupid, okay?”

Alan takes a drink of his beer, then quietly adds; “You’re not stupid, Austin.” before setting his can down and crawling over to me. He situates himself, on his knees, between my legs, a few inches in front of the can. “You’re not stupid; you just don’t make the best decisions all the time.” Alan gives me a small smile. “And, obviously, I don't either.”

“Alan,” I wanted to tell him that he was perfect, that I only brought up Bran because I was mad, because I didn't want to be the only one in the wrong.

“What?”

“I’m so sorry.” I could feel tears start to prick at the corner of my eyes.

Alan moves his hand to my hair and runs the tips of his fingers through the part that was sticking up slightly, once he’s done helping my hair he moves his fingertips down the side of my face slowly. He then leans in and presses a small kiss against my cheek. I close my eyes and take it all in. It had been so long since he was this close to me, so long since he had kissed me, so long since I felt somewhat happy.

“I love you so much.” I tell him, my eyes still closed, but I knew he was still close to me, I could feel his breath.

“I love you, too.” He whispers as I open my eyes.

“So you’ll take me back?” I matched his tone because I didn’t want to be too loud and ruin this.

He shakes his head a little. “Not yet.”

I felt my heart sink, but not completely. “Why not now?”

“You have to work for it.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Think of something, I want to know how much you want me back.”

-=-=-=-=-

**Alan.**

Austin and I were sitting on my bed, watching the rest of the episode of _My Cat From Hell_. It was weird, in a way, to be hanging out with Austin again, after we hadn’t in almost a month. He wasn’t sitting as close to me as he had in the past, there was a good six inches in between us, and part of me wanted to scoot closer, but I knew I shouldn’t, because if I got close, I would give up all the power I had. I was kind of in control of us, I was the one who decided when we got back together, and honestly, it felt nice.

“Can we hang out while I’m trying to win you back?” Austin asks suddenly.

I turn and look at him. “I don’t know.”

“Please?” He looked so pitiful, his brown eyes slightly widened, begging me slightly.

I grabbed another pinwheel cookie from the package and shoved it in my mouth. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to hang out with Austin, it was one of my favorite things to do, but I didn’t want to ruin everything.

“Did you really just shove a cookie in your mouth to avoid answering me?” Austin half laughs. “Nice.”

I stared at Austin as I chewed, slowly, but not too slow.

“Really Alan?” Austin laughs again.

I swallowed enough to be able to talk again. “I mean, I guess we could, as long as you don’t try anything.”

“You know I wouldn’t do anything like that.” Austin bites his lip, a little bit of sadness in his eyes. “Even if I really, really wanted to kiss you, which I do, I would wait until you’re okay with it.”

I smiled a little. “It’s getting late; you should probably get back to your apartment.”

Austin frowns a little. “So no sleepover?”

I shake my head. “Not tonight.”

“Fine.” Austin smirks at me as he climbs off my bed. “Do I at least get a goodbye hug?”

“I guess I could manage that.” I climbed off the bed and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him as close to me as I could. I didn’t want him to go, if I had my way, we would have never broken up and he would be able to stay as long as he wanted, but of course, that didn’t happen. Austin’s arms were around me too, and for the first time since he broke up with me, I felt good, really, really good.

And as quickly as the hug started, it ended. “Um, one more question before I start the long and lonely walk back to the apartments.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “What, Austin?”

“Your history class is still going to that history house museum on Wednesday, right?”

“Yeah, why?” It was a field trip I was not looking forward to, I obviously did not like history and I did not like museums, and I most definitely, did not like anyone in my class.

“Maybe we can sit on the bus together?” He asks hopefully. “My French Revolution class is going as well.”

“Why, it’s a house in Ohio that has nothing to do with French people?”

“That’s where you’re wrong, my friend.” Austin gives me a small smile. “The family was actually French, and that’s all the connection my professor needed.”

“We can sit together, but only because you’re the only person I can stand.” I give him a slight push. “Now leave, I’m tired.”

“Anything for you, pumpkin.” Austin smiles, then opens the door.

It was going to be really hard not to rush into things.

-=-

“I know you have a lot to tell me, and I have a lot to tell you, so wake up.”

I rolled over and opened my eyes to see Justin standing next to my bed, staring at me expectantly.

“Please tell me you and Andy didn’t break up.”

“What? No why would you say that?”

“Because last year after Thanksgiving you broke up with Jon. Remember?”

“Please don’t remind me of him.” Justin rolls his eyes before climbing onto my bed and sitting near the edge next to my legs. “He is the definition of a terrible boyfriend.”

“Speaking of terrible boyfriends.” I sit up in my bed and sit Indian style next to my pillow. “Austin was here last night.”

“First, Austin is not a terrible boyfriend, second, details. Now.”

“Well he came over and forced me to talk to him.”

“Did you fuck?”

“No.”

“Did you kiss?”

“No.”

“Get back together?” He asks hopefully.

“Not yet.”

“Hug?”

“Yeah.”

He smiles. “Okay, well, when are you getting back together?”

“I told him he had to prove to me that he wanted me back.”

“He’s the most romantic boy in the whole world, you know he’s going to think of something.” Justin smiles as he moves on the bed to match my own position.

“I know, I’m not really worried.”

“Then why didn’t you just take him back?”

I shrugged. “Make him wait; I didn’t want to seem desperate.” I bit my lip and looked down, thinking of Matthias.

“Who did you fuck, Alan?”

“No one.”

“You’re such a liar, spill.” He pushes my shoulder gently.

“Matthias.”

“Really?” Justin asks, shocked.

“Yeah, it was a total mistake.”

“Was he really bad in bed?”

“No,” I shrug. “Not really. I mean, he wasn’t Austin, but he wasn’t terrible.”

“So you hit and quit it?”

“Yeah, now tell me about your break.”


	15. fifteen

**Alan.**

Wednesday morning had arrived. I was attempting to get back into a normal schedule since over break everything had gotten fucked up. Literally and figuratively. I was still on the run from Matthias, avoiding him at all costs, only entering and leaving the building when I knew he had class or practice. It was hard, and I almost got pulled into a conversation with his brother, Kaleb, but Justin luckily swooped in and saved the day, something I hadn’t been able to repay him for yet.

But today, today would be good. I didn’t have to go to Genetics today, since we would be gone on the field trip for most of the day, my history assignment today was pretty easy, just answer a couple of questions on the sheet, and, probably the best part of the day, spending some time with Austin.

Of course, the best part of the day would also be the most difficult. The only time I had been to a museum that I liked was when Austin took me on a date, and I was probably going to have trouble separating my brain from that since I was informed our classes would be touring the site together, even though we were there for different purposes.

“Good morning, Mr. Ashby.” The voice was unmistakably Austin’s, full of excitement and happiness. He was obviously stoked beyond belief for this experience.

I rolled my eyes and shoved Austin when he came into my view. “It’s too early for your over eagerness.”

“It’s a history settlement field trip, I only have one packet to fill out, most of which I could do without going, I don’t have to do arts and crafts, _and_ I’m getting extra credit for my exploring public history class.” Austin smiles as he swings his backpack off and sets it at his feet. “Plus you’re here. What could be better?”

I tried not to blush, because for him to put me up there with all of those things he loves so much; history, extra credit, _homework_ , was really special to me. “The weather could be better.” I shrugged.

“That is true, it’s kind of cold.” Austin laughs. “You brought your lunch, right?”

I nod. “It’s a shitty sandwich, but at least I won’t starve.”

“Did you eat breakfast?”

I shook my head slowly, waiting for the lecture about how breakfast is the most important meal of the day and we wouldn’t be eating for five hours and there would be walking. “I kind of overslept.”

“Good thing I brought you something.” Austin sighs as the bus pulls up. “What would you do without me?” He asks sarcastically.

“I would be really, really hungry.” I smile.

“Save me a seat on the bus? The doctor is late as usual.” Austin asks as my professor starts yelling for us to come near him so he could take roll.

“Of course.”

-=-

“You said you brought me something to eat?” I ask Austin as we head off for the museum settlement. It was a long drive, about an hour and half, but I wasn’t complaining---yet.

Austin sighs as he grabs his backpack off the floor in front of him. “So impatient.” He unzips the main compartment and pulls out two sandwich Tupperware and sets them in between us, then grabs a small bottle of orange juice from the same area. “Now, before I give you this you have to promise to not get mad at me and cause a fight.”

I bit my lip, partly to keep from laughing, partly in shame. “I promise.”

“Good, and you have to talk to me."

“Of course.” I playfully roll my eyes. “Now, food.”

“I made you a bagel, with the blueberry cream cheese.”

“Really?”

He nods and hands me the containers. “I didn’t want you to make a mess, so I prepared them at my apartment, hence the two boxes, so they wouldn't smash together.”

“I’m kind of offended that you think I would make a mess.” I tease as I remove the lid from the top container and take the bagel half out.

Austin laughs a little. “Come on, Alan. I know you.”

-=-

The first part of the tour of the living history park was interesting. It wasn’t as boring as I thought it would be, but that was mostly because of the historians in period outfits acting like they were back in that era. And then of course watching Austin answer questions and get all excited over things was entertaining as well, especially when he corrected our tour guide in the most polite way he could.

But luckily, part one of the field trip was over, and it was lunch time.

“I know you don’t like museums, but are you having a good time?” Austin asks as we sit down at a picnic bench.

I shrug and toss my bag of lunch down. “It’s better than being in class.” I smile as I take a seat across from Austin. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

Austin smiles as well as he opens his own bag and begins to pull out his food. “Obviously.”

I grabbed my sandwich out. “Maybe when you win me back, we can come here, and you can tell me the correct information.” I immediately looked down, feeling weird about what I said. I mean, obviously, I was going to take Austin back when it felt right. But it felt weird to say.

“Someone has to tell you the correct information; I’m honored that you’d want it to be me.” I could hear the tiny smile in his voice.

-=-

“You look tired.” Austin comments as he sets his bag in-between his legs on the bus.

“I am, we’ve been walking all day. I just want to go back to the dorm and sleep.”

“So there’s no chance of going to dinner?” Austin asks; a hint of disappointment to his voice.

“If I can use your shoulder as a pillow, we can go to dinner.” I bit my lip, not the best idea, perhaps, but at this point I didn’t care.

-=-=-=-=

**Alan.**

Because Austin and I were both tired, we decided to just go back to his apartment and order pizza.

“Do you want garlic syrup for the breadsticks?” Austin asks from behind the counter, he was in the process of writing down what we wanted so he wouldn’t forget.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes.”

Austin laughs and scribbles something down on his piece of paper. “While we wait for this to come do you want me to help you with your worksheet?”

I nod. “That would be awesome because I wasn’t really paying attention.”

-=-

We didn’t do homework while we waited for pizza, in fact, we didn’t really talk. I just kind of looked at him, in the most non-creepy way I could. It was weird, how we just practically picked up where we left off. How even though we hadn’t kissed yet, it felt like we had never broken up. Like we were still together. I wanted to still be together. Half of me just wanted to shove him back on his bed and make out with him. But the other half was telling me, begging me, to wait. That it would be worth it to not rush back in. We had to come up with rules, if that was even the word. I didn’t want us to have that period of absolute bliss, only to be right back in the position we are now.

“Did someone order a pizza?” Austin asks in his bed porno voice from the door.

“Are you kidding? That’s so gross.” I laugh and scoot back on his bed, so I’m against his pillows.

Austin smiles and sets the boxes on the bed, that were perfectly stacked along with two cans (mountain dew and a bud light) balancing on top of the breadstick box. “You don’t like my porno voice?” He asks, pretending to be offended.

“No, it’s creepy.”

Austin extends the mountain dew to me. “Do you need a plate?”

I shake my head as I crack the can and set it on the table next to me. “I’m good.”

“Awesome.” Austin sits down next to me, setting his unopened beer can on the other table. “You want to watch _Elf_? It comes on in fifteen.”

“Is that even a serious question?” I ask with a laugh. “Of course.”

-=-

After _Elf_ , shoving our faces full of pizza, and doing half of our homework, I was ready to go to sleep. Austin looked tired as well, he had that look on his face where his eyes got a little droopy and he got that tired smile that babies get sometimes.

“I should probably head home.” I start packing my backpack with my half-done homework, and toss in my pencil. I was too tired to put it where it belonged.

Austin looked over at me. “It’s close to midnight, Alan. You probably shouldn’t be walking over there by yourself.”

I shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

“You could stay here.” Austin suggests, lightly biting his bottom lip.

I looked over at him. “I don’t have anything here anymore.”

Austin smiles and hops off his bed and walks over to his closet. “You’re wrong.”

I was kind of confused until he pulled out a small plastic box that said ‘Alan’ on the side. “I kept your toothbrush and stuff, like underwear,” he laughs. “Because I knew something like this would happen.” He walks over to the bed and sets the box down. “Besides, I didn’t want to throw away your stuff.”

I bit my lip. “Thanks.”

“So you’ll stay?” Austin asks hopefully. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

-=-

Of course I ended up staying, and of course I didn’t make Austin sleep on the couch.

“This is kind of weird.” Austin smiles as he turns to face me. “Lying in bed with you again.”

“Yeah.” I turn to look at him, resisting the urge to cuddle closer to him.

Austin blinks. “I really want to kiss you.” He doesn’t say it loudly, but I could still hear him perfectly.

“Aus,”

“I know, you’re not ready yet.”

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his forehead. “Soon.” I settle back into my spot and give him a small smile.

“I’m going to make it up to you.” Austin tells me as he grabs my hand. “I promise.”

“I know you will.”

-=-

It must have been because we’re used to being with together, because when I woke up the next morning, Austin was nearly on top of me. His left arm stretched above my head, his face pressed into my neck, and his right arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I carefully move Austin’s hand off me and slip out of his grip. As my feet hit the dingy linoleum ground, I was immediately cold. Maybe that’s why Austin cuddled closer to me?

“What?” I turn to see a groggy looking Austin, half squinting at me.

“I have to pee.”

Austin gives me a half smile. “Oh okay.” He nuzzles back down into bed. “You’re coming back, right?”

I nod. “Yeah, of course.”


	16. sixteen

**Alan.**

“Are you going home for Christmas break?” Austin asks me from my bed.

Austin was banned from his and Tino’s apartment because Tino and Pen were having ‘couple time’, so I told Austin to come over since Justin was up visiting Andy—again.

I nod and take the first of two mugs out of the microwave, nearly burning my hand in the process. “Yeah, I don’t know if I’m going the whole time though.” It was a plan I made before Austin and I broke up. Austin and I would go to California for the first half of Christmas break and do holiday crap with my parents there, then come back to Ohio for the second half and do holiday crap with Austin’s dad. But of course, I wasn’t sure how that was going to work now. I guess we had three weeks to figure it out.

“Really? Your mom is going to allow that?” He laughs as I stir the hot cocoa, then trade out the mugs and repeat the process before shoving the second mug in and pressing the ‘thirty seconds’ button. “I haven’t decided yet, so I haven’t told her.” I turn around and lean against the armoire. Austin was staring at me, well, he was trying to not be obvious about it by looking at his phone, but I felt his eyes.

“Next Saturday,” He starts, finally looking up at me. “you want to go somewhere with me?”

I squint slightly. “Where?”

Austin smiles a tiny bit. “It’s an overnight surprise.”

“Aus,”

“Please, Alan.” He sticks his bottom lip out in a pouting fashion.

I bit my lip. “Fine.”

“You don’t have to sound so upset about it.” Austin teases as there was a knock on the door. “I’ll get that since it’s probably the guy with the Chinese food.” Austin sets his phone to the side and slides off the bed.

“You’re the best.” I smile as the microwave goes off.

Austin slides the money off the table. “I know.”

I open the microwave and carefully pull out Austin’s mug out so I could put marshmallows in it.

“Something tells me you aren’t from Jade Garden?” Austin asks, slightly confused.

“I’m here to see Alan.” The accent gave it away almost immediately. Matthias.

Austin turned around to look at me, arching one eyebrow up slightly. “I’ll go wait for the guy from Jade Garden in the lobby.”

“Thanks, Aus.”

Austin shrugs and grabs his jacket off my bed, then slides passed Matt.

-=-

“I guess I know why you haven’t come over, or called, or even texted me.” Matthias was leaning against the closed door as I stirred my hot chocolate, making things even more awkward.

“Why’s that?”

I hear Matt scoff. “You’re back with Austin.”

“No I’m not.”

“He’s here, Alan, obviously you’re back together.”

I sighed and turned towards him, leaving the spoon in the mug. “We’re working on getting there.”

“So that’s it? You’re just going to take him back? I don’t even get a chance?” Matt asks, his arms folded lightly across his chest as he slightly leaned forward, bottom lip between his teeth.

“Matt,” I sighed again. “I don’t know why you thought I wanted to be your boyfriend, especially when I told you I didn’t want a relationship.”

“I don’t know, maybe because we had sex?” Matt shrugs.

I bit my lip. “That doesn’t necessarily mean I want to be your boyfriend.”

“So it didn’t mean anything to you?”

I felt bad saying it, but I had to tell the truth. “Not really, no.”

"Really?" He had tears pricking in the corner of his eyes.

"Matt, I'm sorry," I didn't know what to say. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm in love with Austin, I was in love with Austin when we had sex."

Matt rolls his eyes. "It didn't seem like you were in love with him when leaving scratches and bites all over me."

"Matt I literally told right before it happened that I wasn't ready to move on!"

"And yet, you still led me on. We still had sex, Alan! If you would have told me to stop I would have! But I think you just wanted to get back at Austin for dumping you! You did the same thing to me as he did to you; just pushed me aside to get what you wanted. For him it was dancing and drinking and for you it was getting back at him."

"Matt, that's not fair."

"Fair?" Matt laughs. "You're going to talk to me about fair?" Matt shakes his head. "Unbelievable. I hope everything works out for you two."

"Matthias."

Matt steps away from the door, then places his hand on the doorknob and opens it. “Thanks for wasting my time.” He exits through the door, slamming it as he goes. It was almost like something out of a teen drama on ABC family, but it happened, and I was shocked. I didn’t expect him to react that way, really. I knew he would probably be upset, but I wasn’t expecting a dramatic walk out like the one I just experienced.

The door reopens two minutes later, after I had set our mugs next to my bed, hopefully the contents weren’t cold. “The idiot didn’t have change so he got a five dollar tip, sorry.” Austin sighs as he walks over to where I was; bag in hand. “What did that guy want?”

“Matthias?”

Austin nods as he sets the bag down. “Yeah, I guess. The German guy.”

“Um, he’s mad at me.” I hand Austin his mug. “I’ll get some plates, go sit down.”

“What did you do to him?” Austin laughs as he grabs two forks and some napkins from next the microwave, then makes his way over to the bed.

I grab one of the three actual plates Justin and I kept in our room (Justin accidently broke the other one by leaving it on the floor overnight and stepping on it when he went to the bathroom) I dumped half of the contents of the first box onto the plate. “Um, he likes, or liked me, and we went out a couple of times, kissed, and um.” I dump half of the other box on the same plate.

“Fucked?” Austin asks as I start on my own plate, dumping the rest of the boxes on the black plastic.

“Yes.” I turn around, both plates in my hand and walk over to Austin, extending one to him.

Austin takes the plate and looks down. “Oh.”

I climbed onto my bed. “Yeah.” I could tell Austin was kind of upset, but what did he expect? For me to become celibate until he came around? “I didn’t really want to though.”

Austin looks over at me, his eyes wide. “He didn’t…you know…make you, did he?” Austin asks, not taking his eyes off me.

“What?” I ask, slightly shocked. “No, no, no. I mean, I didn’t say _no_ , I was half invested in it when it happened, I just, I don’t know. It was a mistake.”

Austin nods. “Oh, okay.” He takes a bite of his food.

“Did you, you know, hook up with anyone?” I move the rice around on my plate, trying not to look at him; I almost didn’t want to know.

Austin chokes a little. “Um, yeah, I mean, kind of.”

“Oh,”

He sighs. “Yeah, that was a mistake, too.”

I look up at him and give him a small smile. “Guess we make pretty bad decisions.”

“Not all of them are bad.” He smiles back. “I mean, this Chinese food is pretty good.”

I nudged his shoulder. “You’re so weird, why am I considering getting back with you?”

“Now that’s the best decision you can make.” He smiles.

-=-=-=-=

Justin was sitting across from me at lunch, shoving his face with the only decent thing they were having today; a cheese calzone. “Tomorrow’s the night you rekindle your love with Austin.” He smiles.

“If you say so.” I cut a piece of my own calzone off and look at Justin.

Justin lets his jaw fall a little. “You aren’t excited?”

“No, I am.”

“You don’t seem like it, I mean if Andy I broke up and I knew we were going to get back together, probably this weekend, I would be really happy.”

I shrugged. “I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Oh come on, Alan, you know he’s going to shower you with romantic things, he always has.”

"I guess."

"You guess?" Justin scoffs. "He surprised you with a romantic rooftop dinner and fuck session after you messed up, hello, he's like the dream guy."

I dip my piece of calzone in the pizza sauce that was slightly colder than it was when I got it and shove it in my mouth. “I know, but he's not perfect.”

Justin’s eyes get kind of wide for a couple of seconds until I hear it, the voice. “Who’s not perfect?”

I turned around, ball of cheesy, saucy, doughy calzone in my mouth half chewed and stare at Austin. His hair was messy and his sweatpants were hanging off his hips the way I liked, where they kind of pooled near his ankles and when he stretched you could see the very top of his underwear.

“Why do you look like you just woke up?” Justin asks, saving my ass. Another thing to add to the list of things to thank Justin for.

“Because I did?” Austin shuffles over to the seat next to me.

“You didn’t go to class?” I ask after I had swallowed.

“No, I overslept.”

“That’s not like you.”

Austin shrugs. “I was up late working on stuff for this weekend.” He gives me a tiny smile. “I’ll be back, I’m starving.”

Justin waits until Austin is out of earshot. “My favorite couple is getting back together.”

-=-

Waking up on Saturday morning definitely put a weird feeling in my stomach. Today, I was probably going to get back together with Austin; everything was going to be normal again. It was scary and relieving all at the same time.

Justin, of course, was already awake when I got up. He was leaning against the wall, his math book open in front of him. “Oh good! You’re finally up.”

“You’re so weird.” I sigh and pull my blanket up farther on my body. I had to pee, but I could hear someone, probably Vince or his roommate, in the bathroom.

Justin shrugs. “When are you going to Austin’s?”

“He’s picking me up at one.”

“Are you aware it’s nearly noon?” Justin asks. “You haven’t even packed.”

“Fuck!” I pushed my blanket down and got off my bed as fast as I could. “Shit, shit, shit.” I dumped my backpack on my bed and started tossing in the essentials; deodorant, underwear, clothes….condoms. I needed condoms. There was nothing wrong being prepared.

“Calm down, you have an hour.”

“I still have to make myself look presentable, I have to do something to my hair…” I continued looking in my drawers for condoms, which I couldn’t seem to find. When Matthias and I had sex, he had one in his wallet, which wasn’t the best option, but I didn’t feel like looking for one.

Justin laughs. “It’s just going to get messed up anyway when Austin fucks you.”

I rolled my eyes and continued my search. Sure, I could just wait and see if Austin had any if we even had sex, but considering what happened last time I relied on Austin to provide them, he was out and hadn’t gotten more. “Do you have condoms?” I ask Justin, yeah, it was embarrassing, and yeah, he was probably going to us this as evidence for Austin and I getting back together.

I looked over at Justin and waited. “So you’re---”

“Justin.”

He sighs and hops off his bed. “I don’t have a lot,” He walks over to his desk and opens the top drawer. “but I’ll give you what I have.”

“You’re a peach.” I mumble sarcastically.

“Hey!” He smiles as he pulls out a sleeve of four condoms. “Keep it up and I won’t share.”

“I just complimented you.” I give him a fake smile and walk over to him.

“Facetiously.” He responds as he extends the condoms to me. “You’re lucky I want you to be safe.”

-=-

“Is he really not ready?” I hear Austin laugh from Justin and I’s room. I was currently attempting to make my hair look decent since I slept on it weird.

“He woke up late.” Justin responds.

“Of course he did.”

I rolled my eyes and decided that no matter how hard I tried, my mess of ginger was not going to get any less poofy and I would have to deal. I walked into my room and immediately wanted to die. Austin always seemed to pull out the clothes that made him look sexiest when he was trying to get me to do things. He had his normal black, ripped skinny jeans on with black on black converse, that much I was expecting. He had this black and white striped shirt on, that was almost pirate-y, but I could deal with that since he looked so, so sexy. And then to cover his arms, since the pirate shirt probably had the sleeves cut off, he had his stupid black jacket that made him look so good.

Why did he have to do this to me?

“Hey,” He smiles, or, well, smirks, when he looks at me.

“Hi.” I respond back, looking down at the ground so Austin wouldn’t see my pink cheeks.

“Are you ready to go?”

I nod. “Yeah, do I get to know where we’re going now?”

He shakes his head. “Nope,”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag off my bed. “You’re mean.”

“No, it’s a surprise.” Austin laughs as we walk towards the door. “If I was mean, I would spoil it and tell you.”


	17. seventeen

**Alan**

Austin had pulled into a gas station thirty minutes after we had left.

Austin opens the center console and pulls out a red sleeping mask. “Put this over your eyes.”

I take the mask from him and stare at it. “Why?”

“So you’re surprised.” Austin laughs. “I can’t really hold my hand over your face while driving, and I want you to be surprised.”

I look at him and sigh. “I’ll look stupid.”

“No you won’t, please Alan, it all depends on this.”

“How long do I have to wear it?”

“Like ten minutes, maybe a little longer if there’s traffic. Please?”

“Fine.”

-=-

Austin had taken my hand was slowly leading me to wherever he was taking me. I could hear cars and people talking. I felt kind of self-conscious. I couldn’t see anything, yet I could feel people staring at me.

“Austin, I feel ridiculous, can I please take this off?” I ask.

“There’s a step.” We walk over the step as he continues to lead me. “We’re almost inside.”

“Austin.”

“I promise.”

I sighed as we approached what I’m assuming to be an automatic door as I could hear it sliding.  
After going through another set of automatic doors, I could hear people talking, and I could smell cinnamon and fresh apples. We were in a hotel, I could tell. It made sense, I had to pack a bag for overnight, of course we were in a hotel.

“We’re going to the elevator now.” Austin tells me as we walk a little more, before turning to where the elevators were. I could hear the whirls of the motors and the dings from it coming down a floor.

“We’re in a hotel aren’t we?” I ask as I hear the door open, and Austin pulls me inside.

“Maybe.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“You’re a bad liar.”

“Not lying.”

When we get to our floor, Austin pulls me out of the elevator and we walk quite a ways down a hallway, turning once down what I’m assuming to be another hallway.

“Okay, I have to get something out of my wallet, so I’m going to let go of your hand for like a minute okay? I’m right next to you.”

“Okay.” I wait and hear him fiddle with his wallet, then I hear a door open and then my hand is in his once again.

“Ready?” He asks.

“I guess so.”

I hear the door close behind us, and Austin’s backpack fall to the ground. He pulled mine off me and set it somewhere on the ground, probably next to his, then moved me a little. “I’m going to take the blindfold off, okay?”

“Please do.”

Austin laughs and pulls the mask off my face. My eyes were still closed, so I opened my right eye first, then my left. “It’s a hotel room.” I state before I start to look around. The part we were in was the bedroom part, and it was just a basic hotel room. There was a bed, two side tables, two lamps, and a TV. There was a hallway that lined up with the door into the room, and I could see a couch at the end of it, as well as a door to the balcony. I walked towards the couch, passing a door to what I’m assuming is the bathroom; I could go in there later, so I kept walking. When I got to where the couch was, I was surprised. There was not only a couch and TV, but a kitchen. There was a counter that almost separated the kitchen area from the living room area, and right in the middle was a bouquet of six roses; three red, three white. Romance and new beginnings. Next to the flowers, there was a tray of assorted chocolate covered treats. Austin was good, I’ll give him that, but it was going to take more than just some flowers and snacks to get me to take him back.

I hear Austin walk in behind me. “I know it’s not a whole lot.”

I turn around to face him. “I like it.”

Austin sighs in relief. “Good I was worried you were going to be mad.”

I shake my head. “Nope.”

He grabs my hand. “There’s something else, too.”

-=-

Austin took me to the bathroom door. “It’s in there.”

“Austin, I swear if I go in there and it’s a poop, I’m going to be very upset.”

Austin looks me weird. “I’m trying to win you back, not scare you away.”

I shrugged and opened the door. There were a couple of flameless candles on the counter which almost illuminated the room as the mirror reflected their light. “Should I turn the light on?”

“If you want to see.” Austin laughs as I switch the light on.

It took me a minute to figure out what I was looking for, and once I found it, I was super confused. “Why are there balloons in the shower?”

Austin shrugs. “You have to find out.”

“Really?” I ask with a sigh.

He smiles and hands me a pair of scissors, which were sitting on the counter. “You might need these.”  
I rolled my eyes and took the scissors, then walked over to the free standing shower, which was next to a large, Jacuzzi looking bathtub. I opened the shower door and selected the first balloon I saw, then closed the door back so they all wouldn’t come out and attack me. Written on the black balloon in Austin’s swirly handwriting was _Things I Love About You…_ in silver ink. I smiled a little, he was _really_ good. I cut a small hole in the bottom of the balloon and let the air out, so there wasn't a loud, annoying pop, and discovered a small piece of paper folded at the bottom. I took it out and let the empty balloon fall to the ground.

 _…your cute little ass_ was written in Austin’s handwriting on the lined paper.

“You love my ass?”

Austin sighs. “Really, you grabbed that one first?” He walks over to me, a smile on his face. “Oops, maybe you should try another one?”

“Fine.” I was hoping the next one would be a little more romantic. I repeated the process with the next balloon.

_….the way you’re always there when I need you._

Much better.

“Are all of these this cute?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I guess you’ll have to cut them all open to see.”

-=-

The last one was my favorite, and I think Austin knew it would be my favorite because it was the last one I opened, as it was all the way in the far corner and didn’t have the silver writing on it.

_the thing I love most about you is that you’re my everything._

I couldn’t help but let the small smile on my face get bigger. I set the paper on the side the of the bathtub, along with the scissors and grabbed Austin by the hoodie, my hands overlapping the zippers on both sides, and dragged him over to the counter so my butt was against it and he was leaning over me. Austin rests one hand on my hip, and one hand on the counter to keep from falling on me.

“Hi,” He smiles.

“Hey,”

“I guess this means you like my balloons?”

I playfully rolled my eyes and moved my hands from the sides of his hoodie to his neck. “Yeah, it was pretty cute.”

“I was kind of afraid you were going to hate it.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t get it at first, and I still don’t understand why they were in the shower, but it was very sweet.”

“Sweet enough to, maybe, um, let me kiss you?” He asks, his cheeks turning a tiny bit pink.

I pulled his face down, partly using my hands that were on neck, but luckily, he was more than willing to move his head on his own. Once his face was parallel to mine, I leaned and pressed my lips against his lightly.

It was like magic, everything felt right again as Austin moved his lips against mine and lightly rubbed my hip.

I didn’t need any more persuasion than this, I knew we had to be together.

-=-=-=-=-

I moved my hands down to Austin’s waistband of his jeans, resting my fingers where the button is. Austin had moved his left hand to behind my head, his fingers lightly tangled into my hand, lightly scratching at my hair line as our lips moves together slowly. I didn’t want this to go too quickly, it had been so long since we had done this and I wanted to savor every moment. I pushed a couple of my fingers up into his shirt so they could feel his tummy.

Austin pulls back and there’s a small on his face. I know there’s one on my face as well. “You look happy.” I tell him.

“How could I not be?” Austin asks me, his smile turning into a slight smirk. “I’m making out with you in a bathroom.”

I playfully rolled my eyes. “How about we go out of the bathroom and you can tell me why you got a hotel room with an oven.”

Austin sighs. “But we were having so much fun.”

I move my hand from under his shirt and grab his hand. “Come on.”

“Fine.” He leads me out of the bathroom and into the main space. We stop in front of the small space where you enter the kitchen, between the end of the counter and the fridge.

“So, why are we in a hotel with a kitchen?” I ask as I walk into said kitchen.

“Well, why don’t you open the fridge and find out?”

“What?” I ask with a laugh.

“Open the fridge and you’ll figure it out.” He gives me that look; the one he gives me when he knows I understood what he said, but I need him to repeat it just because.

“Okay?” I was confused, but I walked towards the fridge and stopped before it, placing my hand on the white handle. “If there’s a severed head in here.”

“Why would there be a severed head?” Austin laughs. “come on.”

I shrug and open the door to see eggs, milk, and butter sitting on the same shelf in the fridge. “Um dairy products?”

Austin sighs. “Baking products.” He walks past me and opens one of the cabinets near the oven and opens it to reveal a couple of baking sheets, some pans, and a couple of bags from the grocery store. “Since we didn’t get to make cookies on Thanksgiving, like last year, I thought we could make them now.” Austin gives me a small smile.

This was so sweet, and slightly corny, but the sweetness outweighed the corniness. “Are you kidding me?” I ask.

“Do you not want to? I mean it’s totally okay, I just tho--” I cut Austin off by pressing my lips to his. After I pull back Austin smiles a little bit. “So it’s okay?”

“It’s perfect.”

“Really?” Austin asks carefully. I think he was making sure I wasn’t being sarcastic or joking, which I wasn’t.

“Yeah, really.” I lightly push him. “Let’s start, I want cookies now.”

-=-

Austin was being the biggest pain in my ass, but the cutest. Every time he would measure something out, he would emphasize it and make me watch as he leveled it off so it was perfect. He told me that we could only get back together if these cookies turned out okay, jokingly, of course.

While the cookies were baking and cooling, Austin and I _might_ have continued to kiss. Austin hands _might_ have wandered under my shirt, running his thumbs over my skin, slightly tickling me. And I _might_ have squeezed Austin’s barely there ass as hard as I could because I missed it so much. We might have gone farther if it wasn’t for the oven beeping to alert us that they were done baking.

-=-

“I’m so glad that you bought store icing.” I smile as I climb up on the counter next to our tray of cookies that obviously needed more sugar.

Austin laughs as he dumps the bag on the counter to reveal five tubes of icing with writing tips on the end. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

I bite my lip. “That’s nice of you.”

Austin smirks a little as he pulls the top off of the green frosting bag. I watch him as he grabs a somewhat circular cookie and turns his back to me. I see his left arm move; he was writing or drawing something on the cookie.

“What are you doing?” I ask, trying to see around Austin, however, even with me sitting on a counter, that wasn’t going to work because Austin is a giant and I’m not.

Austin turns around and sets the green tube next to the other colors; blue, red, orange, and black, and hands me the cookie.

 _I love you!_ was written in Austin’s loopy handwriting, perfectly in the center.

I bite my lip and take it from him, holding it in my lap while Austin leans against the counter. “That’s cute.” I smile. “I love you, too.”

Austin smiles as well. “Really?”

I nod. “Obviously.”

“Tell me on a cookie, that’s the only way to make it official.”

I sighed and playfully rolled my eyes as I set his cookie down carefully. “Turn around.” I tell him as I pick up the blue icing bag and a cookie similar in shape to the one Austin crafted for me. “And don’t turn around until I say.”

“Fine.” Austin sighs as he turns around, leaving me to write the one thing down that I had wanted to ask Austin since he showed up in my room and we talked things out. I carefully undid the top of the bag and started to write carefully, only to discover that my cookie was too small and I needed another to finished the sentence. I set the first cookie down and selected another and wrote out the two final words. “Okay.” I set the bag down and grab the first cookie, moving them in order so he could read them.

Austin turns around rather quickly and sees the two cookies in my hand. “You did two? No fair.”

“It was too long to write on one.” I smile and hand him both cookies.

Austin’s brown eyes widen as he reads the message. “Really?” He asks, slightly unsure as if I’m tricking him. “You want me to be your boyfriend again?”


	18. eighteen

**Alan**

Austin didn’t give me answer; instead he set his cookies on the counter and pressed his lips against mine. He was standing in between my legs, his hands at my waist, pulling me towards him.

It took exactly forty kisses for Austin to carry me to the bedroom part of the hotel. Honestly, it was an amazing feat that we even got to the bed thanks to Austin stopping every five seconds to push me against the wall so he could position me again. I could have walked, sure, but every time I attempted to get down, Austin would let out a tiny giggle against my lips and pull my legs back up to waist.

“Aus,” My back hit the bed with a soft thud, the long, skinny red sash at the end of the bed lifting up at the end as Austin climbed on top of me.

Our clothes came off slowly, both of our fingers touching skin we hadn’t felt in what seemed like years. I had missed the way Austin’s fingers ghosted over my skin, tracing patterns I didn’t see, using me as his own drawing book, filling my skin with imaginary doodles of paisley and vines. I was in no way as artistic and imaginative as Austin; my hands gently wavered on his skin, warm and colorful. I didn’t need to trace patterns, Austin already had them.

There was no second where Austin had let go of me, the whole time we were one. He held my hand as he rifled through his backpack, he forehead touched my chest as made sure I was ready; mentally, emotionally, physically, which I was, I had secretly been ready since he broke my heart.

Each movement was my own reassurance that Austin was my guy; he was my other half, my soul-mate, the guy whose ass I would wipe when he couldn’t do it himself. Every kiss, every sound, every time he looked into my eyes, it was there.

And nothing was better than this experience.

-=-=-=-=

“You’re throwing a party?” I ask as Austin sets his backpack down in the middle of the floor in his apartment. It had been a week and a half since we had gotten back together, and the end of the semester was rapidly approaching, as was our flight to California for Christmas with my parents.

Austin walks over to the fridge and riffles through it, clanging bottles and jars together nosily. “Um yeah, to mark the end of the semester. It’ll just be a few people.”

“There’s not much time.” I state and nudge his bag out of the way with my foot. “The semester ends in two days, on the tenth, and we leave on the eleventh.”

He closes the fridge door with his foot and sets down two cans of coke on the counter. Part of the rules Austin and I had come up with when we got back together was that Austin had to cut back on the drinking. Along with this, I had agreed that I would go out with him more if he stayed in with my sometimes. I guess we were learning to compromise better, and so far, it was really helping. “I know, there’s time, trust me, Pumpkin.” He smiles and pushes a can of coke towards me. “You want to stay over tonight? Tino and I are doing our annual cram session for finals. I could help you study for your history exam tomorrow, and work on mine?” He asks me with a smile. “There’s Chinese in it for you.”

“Are you really trying to bribe me?” I ask as I grab my can.

“Is it working?” He asks with a laugh and grabs his own can, then walks out from behind the counter.

I sigh, I didn’t really want to hang around if Austin was going to study because he gets really weird. He doesn’t talk and then I feel awkward just sitting there, staring at him as he does his work. “Are you sure I’m not going to distract you?”

Austin nods and grabs my hand, pulling me towards his rom, completely forgetting about his backpack near the stools that were pushed up to the counter. “Yes, I’m sure. Besides, where else can you get help for your history final tomorrow from a history major?” he asks as we walk into his room. He lets go of my hand and closes the door, leaving me to wander to his bed alone. “The tutoring center.” I shrug and slide my backpack onto his messy patterned comforter, which didn’t go with his new yellow sheets at all. I slightly cringed and turned to look at him. Austin’s eyes were kind of wide, and then I remembered what I said. Austin automatically connects tutoring and Bran together. “Sorry.” I mumble.

“It’s fine.” He walks over to me and presses a kiss to my lips.

-=-

Austin and I had studied—kind of--- for about two hours, mostly I was going over genetics stuff, since that was my first exam, then I had an hour break before I had to do my history one. Austin had to do some art project for his so he had spent the majority of that time drawing on the floor while I laid in his bed on my tummy watching as Austin’s hand effortlessly glided across the page. From what I could see (which wasn’t much since it was still in pencil) was really good, a huge step up from that heart he drew me a while ago.

But now we were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, big bowls of Chinese food in front of us. I was expertly maneuvering around the vegetables I didn’t like, only getting noodles, some beans, and chicken on my fork.

“What’s wrong? Did they fuck up your order again?” Austin asks.

I shake my head. “No, um,”

“What?” Austin asks as he brings his fork to his lips, full of food.

“I’m sorry for kind of bringing up Bran earlier.”

Austin shrugs and continues to chew. “It’s fine, I’m over it.”

-=-

“How did you do?” Austin asks as I walk out of my history classroom. It was my last final of the semester, and now I was free.

“Hopefully good, I remembered a lot thanks to you.” I smile and take his hand. “What about you?”

“No less than a B.” He shrugs. “Wanna run to the store with me to get stuff for the party?”

“Sure.”

-=-

“How did I end up pushing the cart?” I whine and push the cart a couple of feet down the alcohol aisle.

Austin smiles and sets a twenty-four pack of beer in the cart. “Because I know what to get.” Apparently he, Tino, Phil, and Aaron had gone in with like fifty dollars each of the drink and food budget for this party. A little ridiculous, but I wasn’t going to say anything.

“Fine.”

“You want that iced cake shit you like?” Austin asks after setting another twenty-four pack of a different beer in the cart.

“Yes.” I smile as he sets it in the cart.

“You’re lucky I love you.”

-=-

Austin and I were dancing, much like everyone else in this cramped apartment. There were people here that I have never seen before, and some that I had. I’m also pretty sure I saw a couple of TAs wandering around as well. Further proof that Austin knows everyone on this campus.

It was weird, but I was actually enjoying myself. Usually that never happened, ever, at parties. But I had my boyfriend, my best friend was around here somewhere with Andy, and I had some drink Austin had made me. It was bound to be a good night.

-=-

The morning after, was not. I woke up before Austin with a throbbing headache. I should have paced myself, but iced cake vodka is heaven in liquid form, and whatever Austin adds to it just makes it that much better.

Then I started to remember things that I was supposed to be on top of like how we had a flight to catch in three hours.

And Austin hadn’t packed yet.

And the living room was a mess.

And I’m pretty sure there was still randoms sleeping on the couch, too.

It was going to be a long day.


	19. nineteen

**Alan**

“Your mom sure knows how to decorate.” Austin smiles as we arrive at my house. My dad had picked us up because my mom was making dinner. I guess I couldn’t really complain because it’s a win-win for me. I didn’t get embarrassed at the airport and I get delicious food.

“Yeah,” I smile and stare at the decorations. “She starts on November first.”

“Really?” He asks, surprised, causing my dad to laugh from the front seat. “Christmas is her favorite holiday, so she extends it as far as she can.”

Austin smiles as my dad parks the car in the driveway. “Christmas is my favorite, too.” He tells me as he takes off his seat belt.

-=-

“There are my boys!” My mom cheers as Austin and I set our bags down next to the steps. She comes over and presses kisses all over my face. “I missed you so much baby.”

“I missed you, too.” I tell her truthfully.

She lets go of me and grabs Austin, hugging him. “And of course I missed Austin, too.” She kisses his cheek.

Austin looks slightly confused, but goes with it.

-=-

Austin and I were asked a thousand questions during dinner it seemed. Austin answered them all with a smile and I don’t know how he did it. Austin had also volunteered us to clean up the kitchen, which I just went along with because I know Austin is kind of an ass kisser.

“Austin, the guest room is all ready for you.” My mom smiles from the doorway. “I put clean sheets on the bed and there’s a towel for you on the dresser.”

“Thanks Mrs. Ashby.” Austin smiles.

“Call me April, Austin.” She tells him.

“Right, sorry.”

“Mom, I don’t know why you insist on making him stay in the guest room.” I shrug as I rinse off a dish. “We sleep in the same bed all the time at school.”

Austin looks at me, his features telling me to shut up.

My mom sighs. “Alan.”

“I mean, just because we’re sleeping in the same bed doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex, which we have, but we’re adults we’re capable of sleeping next to each other.”

“Alan Anthony.” She states harshly. “You’re obviously not mature enough to handle it. Just because you do something at school doesn’t mean you’re going to do it here.”

I roll my eyes. “Okay.”

“I do all these nice things for you and you give me attitude when I won’t let you sleep in the same room as Austin.” She’s mad, her tone getting higher. “You’re nineteen and you won’t be sleeping in the same bed under my roof until you’re married, okay? Your father and I waited and look, we’re happy as can be.”

-=-

“Why did you do that?” Austin asks as we sit on my bed, surprisingly we were allowed to have the door closed.

“Do what?” I shrug and scratch Mitten’s ears

“Talk to your mom like that.”

“Because I’m sick of her treating me like I’m four. What’s the big deal, you know? Like we’ve had sex, I can’t get pregnant. We’re just sleeping.”

Austin shrugs. “She’s still your mom though; you could at least be respectful.”

I sighed and picked Mittens up and kissed her on the head.

-=-

Austin was nearly asleep, his eyelids heavy as he stroked my arm. Mittens was in between us, curled up in a tight ball, sleeping away. “So tired.”

“Go to sleep then.”

“Thinkin about it.” He sighs. “Need to go to your guestroom.”

“Just sleep here.”

“I’d rather not have your mom hate me.”

“She loves you.” I roll my eyes. “One night won’t hurt; we’ll just say we fell asleep.”

Austin shakes his head and moves closer to the edge of the bed. “Not tonight.” I watch as his feet go over the bed and hear them hit the floor.

“Fine then.”

He turns and looks at me, giving me that ‘really’ look as he stands up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He tells me as he walks around the bed and over to where I was lying.

I sigh and sit up. “You’re such a suck-up.”

“One of us has to behave.” He leans down and kisses me. “I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

-=-

At seven in the morning, I snuck down the hallway to the guestroom. I was still getting used to being three hours behind, so I woke up earlier than normal. The door was cracked a little, probably because Austin didn’t close it all the way and Mittens ended up sliding against it during the night, opening it just a little. I pushed it open and slipped in, then closed it all the way.

Austin was passed out, the blanket pulled up to his face and some of his toes sticking out at the bottom of the blanket.

He’s so cute.

I climbed onto the bed and shimmied my way under the covers, waking Austin up slightly. “You’re going to get us in trouble.” He mumbles as he lifts his arm up so I can slide up next to him.

“Technically we followed directions.” I mumble and move so my ass is up against his junk, then lower his arm around me, keeping his hand in mine.

Austin laughs a little. “I guess we did.”  
-=-=-==-=-  
Austin and I were at his dad’s house now. The two weeks at my parent’s place had dragged on and on and while I was thankful that I was able to spend the holidays with my parents, I found myself being really annoyed having to explain everything in detail. Where Austin and I were going, what we were doing, when we would be back. I guess this time being home was different. When I was alone, I wasn’t bothered by it, and when Austin was at my house the time before that, my parents were home.

And I was really fucking pissed that I couldn’t sleep in the same bed as my fucking boyfriend.

However, that whole situation was different at Austin’s dad’s house. He really didn’t care and almost encouraged us to.

So that’s where we were now, lying in Austin’s bed. I was curled up against his side, my cheek on his warm skin. This is what love is, being this close to your boyfriend’s hairy armpit and not caring because you’re close to him.

We had just had sex, the third time since we had gotten back in Ohio yesterday. We had all this built up sexual tension and desire and since we could hardly be alone at my house, we took out here. And it was even hotter since we had to be super quiet because Austin’s dad was in the apartment.

In this lazy, post-sex state, Austin moves to his side, making me move away from him in the process. “I have a question.” His brown eyes were staring into mine, making me slightly nervous.

“What?” I ask as he moves his hand into mine.

A small smile comes across his face. “What would you do if I asked you to marry me right here?” He asks, looking at me straight in the face and honestly, I’m a little confused.

“Probably punch you in the throat.”

Austin laughs a little. “Wow.”

“Well, probably not,” I blink once and pause. “…why?”

“Just wondering.” He answers truthfully, running his thumb over my finger.

I study his face for a minute. “You’re not planning to…you know…ask me are you?” Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment. Sure, when I imagine myself at eighty and in a nursing home, I imagine Austin right there beside me, but I’m nineteen. That’s huge.

“What? No.” He scoffs a little.

“Oh.”

“I was just curious.” He tells me again.

“Right.”

“Did you really think I would ask something that massive after I just licked cum off your stomach?”  
I kind of laugh because he’s absolutely right. Austin is one for huge productions to show how much he loves me. He would never ask me something this huge without first doing something absolutely ridiculous, yet absolutely adorable like graffiti ‘will you marry me’ on the side of a building or something. He would never ask me anything of note directly after sex except what to order for dinner. “No probably not.”

He presses a kiss to my lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Wanna order Chinese?”

I nod, I know him so well. “Sounds perfect.”

“Awesome, let’s get some pants on so my dad doesn’t freak out.”


	20. twenty

**Alan**

“Merry Christmas, Alan.” Austin smiles as he sets the plate of pizza down in front of me.

“Um, Aus, it’s almost January.”

Austin sets his own plate down and slides into the chair across from me. “I know, but we’re having our couple’s Christmas right now.”

It was true, Austin and I saved the presents we got each other so we could start a new tradition, something we would be continuing for a long time, our own little Christmas. “With pizza.”

Austin takes a bite of his. “We can upgrade next year.”

I nod. “Good.”

-=-

There were two boxes wrapped on the bed. Austin’s was way better than mine as he took his time and didn’t just wrap a piece of a newspaper around the box and gather the sides and tape them so it looked weird. Honestly, I had forgotten to wrap it and it was sitting in my room and I forgot to wrap it so when I got back to campus yesterday I had to do it quickly with a campus newspaper. I felt really bad considering Austin’s was so nicely wrapped in green and red striped paper with a cute red box on top.

“You should open yours first, Aus, since it’s so ugly.”

Austin laughs. “I like it.”

“It’s wrapped in the school’s newspaper and looks like shit.”

Austin sighs. “I’ll open it first, if you insist.”

“I do.”

Austin carefully tears the paper off, attempting not to rip it like I spent nine hundred dollars on this paper and didn’t just grab it from the lobby of my dorm; he then folds it and sets it aside. The same stuff he did at my parent’s and at his dad’s.

“Why do you do that?”

He looks up at me as he digs his finger under the flap of the box I had put all his stuff in since I was not about that ‘let’s wrap everything separately’ life. “Do what?”

“Fold your wrapping paper.”

He shrugs. “My mom liked it save it, if possible, since she would rather spend the small amount of money we had on presents rather than wrapping paper.”

I nod. “Oh, that makes sense.”

“Just a habit.” He gets the box open and pulls out the first item, a pair of gray sleeping pants with tiny skulls all over them. “I almost bought these.” He smiles as he holds them and feels their plushness.

“You did?”

He nods. “But I didn’t get them because I was hoping my favorite Christmas elf would buy them for me.”

I smile and shake my head a little. “Well you know I feel about you in sleeping pants.”

Austin nods. “That I do.”

He continues to pull things out of the box; two pairs of underwear a green pair with gingerbread men on them, and one that looked like mummy wrappings around him (which I knew I was going to love him in), a new pair of swim trunks since his old ones are ripped, a new camo hoodie, some white t shirts, and a new speaker for his iPhone because his other one was simply not loud enough and that’s what he told me wanted.

Austin leans forward over all his presents and gives me a quick kiss. “Thank you, Pumpkin.”

“You’re welcome.” I pick up his gingerbread underwear. “Will you put these on, please?”

Austin smiles. “Open yours first and then I will, because there’s something in yours I want you to put on, too.”

“You’re dirty.” I laugh and carefully open my box from him; I would save the paper if it made him happy.

Austin smiles as I finally get the paper off the box, mostly rip free, and hand it to him, and begin to open the cardboard box.

As Austin folds the paper I pull out a nerf gun and playfully roll my eyes. “We can play together now, Alan, because you won’t have to use the small one you got me.”

“That won’t be embarrassing or anything.” I tease as I pull out the Pink Floyd t shirt and matching sleeping pants. We were going to be cozy this semester, our last semester together before Austin left for DC or Chicago or New York, wherever he was going because he would be done in the spring, although I tried not to think about it. Also in the box were a few video games that we could play together on his and Tino’s xbox.

“Thank you, Aus.” I smile and kiss him.

“You totally forgot something.” He laughs into our kiss.

“I did?”

He nods. “Bottom of the box, Pumpkin.”

Sure enough, tucked in the corner was a small bag with a sock monkey on it. “Weirdo.” I smile and open the bag, dumping the contents into my lap since it felt like fabric; this must be what Austin wants me to wear.

I handed the bag to Austin and grab the very small piece of fabric. A pair of blue and black very short boxer briefs with the word ‘PUMP!’ across the front in black on the royal blue band. “Wow.”

“Do you like them?”

“They’re something.” I smile. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I wasn’t expecting gingerbread men underwear either so I guess we’re even.”

“I guess we should put these on then.”

-=-

I wasn’t going to lie; I looked damn good in these underwear that Austin had gotten me, they fit my ass nicely, which Austin likes. I couldn’t wait to show him.

“Aus?” I open his bedroom door and slip in closing the door behind me quietly, even though Tino wasn’t here and wouldn’t be until tomorrow, I still found it necessary.

“Hey.” He smiles from where he was standing, next to his desk, where another box had appeared while I was gone.

“What’s that?” I ask walking towards him.

He grabs my hands and pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to my lips. “Don’t worry about it yet.” He tells me and pulls back a little. “Damn, Alan.” He twirls me so he could see my ass. “You like them?”

I nod as he pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to my neck as he hands winds around me and rest right above the word ‘pump’ on the waistband. “Yeah.”

“I like it, too.”

“Let me see yours.” I start to wiggle from his grip and turn so I can see.

He laughs and lets me move a little farther. “So hot.” I mumble, because well, it was.

“Does it make my ass look good?”

“Turn around”

Austin turns around and the underwear makes his flat butt look slightly curvy, so naturally I reached out and took a grab. “Alan!”

“I couldn’t resist.” I laugh as he turns around and grabs my waist to pull my closer.

“You’re in trouble.” He tells me and pushes me back towards his bed, which thankfully didn’t have all of our gifts on it still on it. He leaves me for a second to grab the box (wrapped in the newspaper) and then walks over to me. “Open it.”

“What is it.”

“A couples gift, just open it, tear the paper.”

I do as I’m told and rip the paper off, throwing it to the ground to be met with a small box. “Glow in the dark condoms?”

He nods. “Thought you’d like them.”

“Are they going to work?”

He nods. “Mhm, wrapped em why you were changing.”

I scoot up the bed to his pillows and watch as he turns off the light near his tv, leaving his new floor lamp on dim so it wasn’t completely dark. After adjusting myself Austin climbs up me, pressing kiss from knee all the way up my body before stopping when he got to my lips.

“I love you so much.” He tells me as his hand slinks under the fabric of my new underwear, there was barely any room, so they basically just rode up a little.

“Do you?” I ask teasingly.

He nods and leans down, kissing and biting at my thigh, where he just pushed up my underwear.

“Why?” I ask as he begins to suck slowly, moving his fingers to the waistband.

“Is that a serious question?” He asks against my thigh. “I already wrote down most of them on paper inside of balloons.”

I giggle and reach down to move his face so he’s looking at me and not my dick. “Kiss my lips, not my thigh.”

“Oh so now we’re going to be a power bottom?” He asks with a laugh, pressing a kiss against my lips, hand on my neck, thumb at my jawline.

“Shut up.” I tease and kiss him, and as I do so, slide my hands to his cute new underwear and start to push them down. I wanted him so badly.

“I like when you get bossy.” He tells me, moving his lips to my neck. “I want you to be on top.” He moans softly against my neck as I pull his underwear down more, now they were about to let his slightly hard dick free.

“You sure.”

“Mmm.”

After I slide Austin’s underwear off, he flips us so I’m on top, sitting on his newly exposed crotch. “You gonna take yours off?” He asks sliding his palms against my thighs.

I shrug. “Maybe.”

“You should.”

“You should take them off for me, it’s only fair.”

Austin smirks and slides his hands up quickly and greedily pulls my underwear down, only stopping to allow me to get my underwear off so I don’t hurt myself, and then it’s back to me leaning downa dn kissing him, our lips moving together, which leads into tongues moving. Hands everywhere, including two spit covered fingers preparing me for what would happen in a couple of minutes.

“Aus, I’m ready.” I tell him and pull his hand away.

“You sure?” He asks, a hint of concern in his breathy voice.

I nod. “Yeah.”

Austin moves his hands back to my thighs and watches as I lower myself onto that glow in the dark condom, cringing a little as I do so. I could tell Austin was staring at me, even though my eyes were closed, after being with him for so long, I just know when those beautiful brown eyes are on me. “You’re so beautiful, Alan.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I grab his hand off my thigh and being to move, slowly, on Austin’s dick. First just rolling my hips, but after a few rolls, getting encouragement from Austin’s light moans, begin to ounce a little, making Austin’s moans louder and mine start.

“Fuck, Alan.”

“Oh, Aus.”

It’s only few more minutes of moans, the light sound of skin on skin, names, and bad words spilling out of our mouths before Austin finishes and I’m not long after him.

I slide on the bed next to Austin and cuddle up next to him, not worrying about the cum on Austin’s chest, that was his problem, not mine.

“Merry Christmas Alan.” Austin laughs.

“It’s almost January.” I remind him again. “Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve.”

-=-

We went to Loniel’s for the New Year’s Eve party, which I was kind of hesitant about since last time it didn’t exactly end well. But this time Austin and I were in a different place, we had just spent all winter break together and didn’t really have any secrets, if you didn’t count the notebook reading.

“Do I get to kiss you when the ball drops?” Austin asks as I sit on his lap.

I nod. “Yeah, and you better kiss me good, none of that peck bullshit.”

Austin laughs. “Wouldn’t dream it.”

-=-

At five minutes until midnight, Austin and I escaped outside of Loniel’s apartment. Instead of being packed inside, we wanted to be outside so we could see the fireworks better.

Austin checks his phone. “Two minutes.” He smiles. “This has been such a weird year, but I wouldn’t have changed mostly anything.”

“Mostly?”

“I wouldn’t have broken your heart.” He sighs and kicks around some loose snow.

“We’re back now, no sense in dwelling on the past.” I grab his hand. “This year will be our year.”

Austin nods. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

We could hear the TV from Loniel’s and the countdown was slowly heading towards midnight.

_Five, four, three, two…_

I let go of Austin’s hand and grab his face, pulling him closer to me, crashing our lips together as the TV yells ‘one.’ It’s probably in the top ten of sloppy, totally ridiculous, kind of tipsy kisses we’ve had in our history, but I wouldn’t change anything about it.

-=-=-=-=-=--

Seeing Justin for the first time in a month was weird. Awesome, but weird. He came into our dorm, which I was actually in since Austin was doing RA stuff.

“How was your break with Andy?” I ask as I flip through my evolution and systematics textbook I had purchased when Austin and I went to get our textbooks.

Justin sighs a happy sigh and throws his bags on his bed, then comes over to my bed and makes himself comfortable. “Amazing. We had so much sex, Alan.”

I laugh a little and toss my book aside. “I’m happy for you.”

“I’m happy for me, too.” He smiles. “What about you, hm? First Christmas with Austin, how was it?”

“It was good. My mom was freakishly annoying and wouldn’t let us sleep in the bed.”

Justin scoffs. “Why? We got to sleep in the same bed.”

“Because you and I don’t have sex.” I roll my eyes. “So there was practically no sex for the whole time I was in California.”

“Does she not know that you and Austin fuck all the time?”

“Exactly!” I sigh. “Besides, just because I’m sleeping in the same bed with him doesn’t mean I’m trying to get my dick sucked. It’s just that I like sleeping next to him, you know?”

“You’re preaching to the choir.” Justin laughs. “What about at his dad’s?”

“Yeah, always.”

Justin rolls his eyes and picks up my book. “Evolution and Systematics. Interesting.”

“The most.”

Justin laughs. “I have to go get my books still. You want to get dinner after I get them?”

I shake my head. “Can’t, I have to work.”

With a dramatic sigh, Justin gets off my bed. “Well fine then.”

“Sorry, I want to.”

“I guess I’ll live. Tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

-=-

Work was uneventful.

Well, it was uneventful until around eight when Austin, Tino, Penelope, and Justin came in. I didn’t  
even know that they were coming, I came back from my break and in my section my four friends sat.

“Hello, my name is Alan.” I smile, even though they knew it was me. “Can I start you out with something to drink?”

Everyone orders something that doesn’t require any effort on my part, but of course Austin smiles at me and looks over his menu again and I know he’s going to be a jerk. “Can I get a beer?”

“What kind?” I ask.

“Do you have Coors?”

I nod. “Yes, sir, we do.”

Austin’s eyebrows raise a little. “I’ll have one of those.”

“Can I see your ID?”

Austin sighs and pulls out his wallet, then his ID, and hands it to me. “This is a nice picture.” I smile. Austin hated his driver’s license photo and I loved making fun of it.

After Austin had rolled his eyes I handed it back to him, then went to get their drinks. Because I wasn’t twenty one yet, I couldn’t pour a beer so I had to walk over to the bar and ask Patrick if he could do it. Of course he could, and since I had to go to him so much, we kind of became work friends. “You know those people?” He asks as I slide the paper at him. I had memorized the two cokes for Penelope and Justin and the sprite for Tino.

“The one that’s getting the beer in my boyfriend.”

“Oh, that’s Austin?”

I nod. “The one and only.”

Patrick laughs. “Is this the first time he’s visited you at work?”

I continue filling up the glass with coke. “Um, I think so, yeah. We came here before I started working  
here and he loves it, so sometimes I bring him food when I get off, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time he’s come to bother me at work.”

“You’re lucky then.” He laughs then sets the beer on my tray.

-=-

When I took their orders, I slid into the booth next to Austin, since there was more than enough room as the booths could hold six people comfortably.

As I started to take everyone’s orders, Austin started getting a little frisky. It started out with his hand near my thigh while taking Tino’s order, leaving his palm against the bench, but allowing his pinky to rub against my jeans. When Penelope started to order, that’s when Austin got a little more daring and moved his hand up on my thigh, leaving it there until Justin started to order, when he started rubbing. And that’s when I slid out of the seat because I was working and I wasn’t trying to get fired at this exact moment.

-=-

“So, um, Alan,” Austin starts, pretending like he didn’t know me, as if we didn’t have sex last night. “what time do you get off?”

“Ten.”

“So in about an hour?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“Would you like to go get ice cream with me after you shift?”

I bite my lip. “I don’t know how my boyfriend would feel about that.”

“I think that he would be okay with it.” He smiles.

“Well, if you say so and you’re paying.”

-=-

Austin waited around until after I got off work. He waited in his car because he didn’t want me to get in  
trouble. Yet he was still overly touchy feely earlier. I guess it didn’t matter.

“You’re such a good waiter.” Austin smiles as he drags me into the ice cream place, our fingers interlocked.

“Really?”

He nods. “Mhm. And the cutest.”

“Well you were kind of a pain in the butt so.”

“I was not.” Austin gasps.

“Yeah, that little stunt you pulled while I was taking your order.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Austin smiles, then starts looking at the ice cream in the large counter.


	21. twenty one

**Alan**

There’s something awful about being sick. I had this whole feeling of ‘blah’ all over. It hurt when I moved, it hurt when I attempted to swallow a bit of water to get a pill down, it hurt to do anything.

Obviously I wasn’t going to class, so I was stuck with emailing my teachers, well, Justin emailed them for me because again, it hurt to move.

“Hey, pumpkin.” I looked up at the door to see Austin standing there, a bag in his hand and a frown on his face. “How you feeling?” He asks as he steps in, closing the door behind him.

“Like hell.” I mumble as he walks closer.

“I brought you some soup, maybe you can get it down?” He asks as he sits on my bed.

I cough a little. “Maybe.”

“Are you still cold?” He gets the soup out of the bag and I recognize it immediately, it was the same soup he had brought me when I was hungover from our night on the roof.

I nod. “Yeah, I have the heater up all the way but I’m still freezing.”

“I noticed.” Austin smiles, unwrapping the spoon that was also in the bag. “I need you to sit up so I don’t spill this on you.”

“Are you going to feed me like a baby?” I ask, attempting to laugh a little, but instead cough.

“You helped me when I got in that fight.”

I cringe a little as I scoot up on the bed.

“And I recall you kissing my boo boo.” He pulls the cover off the soup. “Okay, it’s hot.” He lifts the spoon out of the container and holds it a bit so the excess falls off. “It’s just broth, so I’m sorry if you got excited thinking that there was chicken and noodles in here.”

“Probably better that way.” I state before Austin brings the spoon to my mouth and feeds me the soup. It tasted weird, probably because of my taste buds being out of wack or something. I felt my face scrunch a little.

“You don’t like it?” He asks, taking the spoon away.

“It tastes weird.”

“You need to eat something, pumpkin.”

“I know.”

“Just a few more spoonfuls, okay? Then I’ll go down to Wal-Mart and get you some popsicles, okay?”

“Aus, you don’t have to.”

“Alan, you’re sick, I’m going to take care of you.”

I smiled a little, as much as I could for being the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He rubs my hand over the blanket, since I wasn’t coming out of my cocoon unless I had to pee. “Now, four more and you’re done.”

“Fine.”

-=-

Austin slept in Justin’s bed last night because he insisted on taking care of me throughout the night. I told him that going and getting me popsicles wasn’t necessary, so instead he made his own for me out of Gatorade. It was interesting to watch; he poured some in a small bathroom cup, stuck a straw in it and then froze it. Apparently he had done research while I passed out from a nap and read that sports drinks were good for people with flu like symptoms, especially since I wasn’t feeling the chicken broth thing he had brought.

We were watching TV, some show on the campus news channel about something that was totally uninteresting to both of us, but as I was too cold to get the remote and Austin was working on his homework, it was staying on.

“So we’re at the end of January and that means it’s time to give you the low down on all of the awesome concerts coming the area next month.” The blonde female host looked at the also blond male host as they sat on furniture that looked exactly like the kind in the lobby. Where did they even film this?

“That’s right, Jackie! Next month a lot of cool artists are coming to the region. Katy Perry is bringing her newest tour to the arena downtown on the 4th,” I rolled my eyes as this dude continued to spout off names of people I didn’t care about. “And for those of you who aren’t into big arena shows, Barney’s will be hosting Chicago band Empires on the 18th.” Austin liked that band, or at least I’m pretty sure he did. I recall a similar name. Maybe I could surprise him with tickets for Valentine’s Day? Even if he had no idea who they were, a cute date at Barney’s wouldn’t be so bad. I mean sure, there were some bad things that happened there in the past, but I’d like to think that we’re over it now.

-=-

“So while you were sick did Austin play your sexy, slutty nurse?” Justin asks a couple days later, when I started to feel a little better. I wasn’t 100%, but I wasn’t cold all the time and my body wasn’t achey, either.

We were on our way to the cafeteria, neither of us were in the mood for microwavable food or spending money, so to the cafeteria we went.

“Well, he took care of me but there was no sex.” I scoffed. “I was _dying_ Justin.”

“Okay, dramatic much? You had the flu, not the Ebola virus.”

“I was still in no mood to have a dick in me.”

“Are you crazy? There’s never a bad time to have a dick in you.”

I rolled my eyes, but laughed a little. “You and Andy must do some crazy stuff.”

“I mean, he likes when I li---”

“Nope.” I talk over him. “Don’t need to hear it.”

“Anyway, what you doing for Valentine’s Day? I mean it’s kind of hard to top last years, you fucked on the roof.”

I smiled a little. “I’m taking him to Barney’s to see some band I kind of think he likes.”

“You think?”

I nod. “I’m pretty sure I heard him say he likes them or I saw them on his ipod. Even if he has no idea who they are, it’ll still be fun. I checked out some of their music, they’re pretty upbeat.”

It’s Justin’s turn to nod. “Sounds good, although, won’t it be kind of awkward to go there? I mean isn’t that where you met Jerry and Austin told you he didn’t want to be with you or something?”

“Yeah but I mean, it can’t be that bad.” I shrugged. “What are you and Andy doing?”

“I’m going to surprise him for the night. I have an exam the next morning so I can’t stay with him long, which sucks, but I have to do what I have to do.”

“Just as long as you be careful.” It kind of worried me, a little, because I knew how Justin drove.

“Where’s Austin?” Justin asks, I wasn’t sure if he was ignoring me or just realized that Austin wasn’t with us. It could have been either.

“He’s working.”

“So that’s why you’re hanging out with me?” Justin teases.

“Exactly.”  
-=-=-=-=-=

“Okay, seriously, where are we going?” I ask from the passenger seat of Austin’s car, it was dark and I had no idea where we were. It was an area I had never been too before.

“I told you, it’s a surprise.”

Austin and his damned surprises. “It’s scary out here.”

Austin sighs. “Trust me; I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

I look over at him. “You can’t control murderers in the woods.”

He laughs and shakes his head a little, continuing to drive. I took the silence to look around; there was  
huge snow banks on the side of the road where the plows had moved it to one side. The roads weren’t bad, or at least they didn’t seem like it. Class was cancelled yesterday because of weather, so I stayed in Austin’s room with him cuddled in his bed, watching the snow fall out of his window. There was no better way of spending a snow day. Forget building snowmen, forget snowball fights, I wanted to be in bed, warm and cuddled with my favorite person.

I turn and watch Austin as he drives, he looked like he was thinking, his bottom lip was between his teeth and his eyes were focuses straight ahead. He was planning something. That’s a proven fact. That look on his face, the secretiveness of this trip. There was something going on, and it was bothering me that I didn’t know what it was. Valentine’s Day was in a couple days, so this wasn’t about Valentine’s Day, although, knowing Austin he could be celebrating Valentine’s Week.

All of a sudden, he makes a turn on this sketchy road, leading us through a bunch of trees on either side of us, none of them had leaves except a couple of pine trees, but those weren’t really leaves, at least I didn’t think. “Aus?”

“What Pumpkin?”

I rolled my eyes. “Are those green things on pine trees leaves?”

Austin laughs a little. “No, they’re needles.”

“Oh.”

We continue driving until I see a small little cabin up on the hill, the light on the porch on. That was the only light, except for the stars that we could clearly see.

“Um.”

“What?” Austin asks.

“What is this?”

“It’s a cabin.”

“In the woods.”

Austin sighs. “Trust me, Alan; it’s going to be fine. It’s certified ghost and psychopath free.”

I follow Austin up the cabin. We had one bag since we were only staying one night. He lifts up a small duck that was ‘decorating’ the porch and picks up the key taped underneath it.

“Are you kidding me?” I ask with a laugh. “Seriously?”

“What?”

“This is so sketchy; the key is under a duck, like anyone could be in there.”

“Alan, the cabin is literally one room with a bathroom. If there’s someone in there, we’ll see them.” He grabs my hand and pulls me close to him. “You trust me, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Then come on.” He unlocks the door and pulls me inside, flipping the light switch with the hand that was holding the key.

He was right; the cabin was just one big room, although technically the bed was in an alcove that had a curtain to separate it.

“Told you.”

-=-

“Come with me.” Austin announces after we had finished watching a lame movie that Austin had got from Redbox on the way here. I still wasn’t sure what this whole thing was about, the trip to this cabin. I was just kind of hoping we’d get drunk and have a lot of sex.

“Where are we going?” I ask as I follow him across the room as he heads towards the back door of the cabin.

“You’ll see.”

“We’re obviously going outside.”

Austin unlocks the door and opens it, then keeps it open for me. I walk out and on the small table right in front of the door, in the middle of the concrete area is a vase of flowers, I wasn’t sure what kind, put they were a very pretty purple and they made me smile. “Those are pretty.”

Austin smiles. “Like you.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at the cheesiness, but instead smiled. “That’s why you brought me out here? To show me some flowers?”

He shakes his head and grabs my hand. “Nope.”

“Then what?”

“Alan, I love you.” He runs his thumb over my fingers. “You’re my soulmate, I love you more than anyone else, or anything else.”

“Aus,”

“Alan,” He sticks his left hand in his pocket and pulls out a box, then gets down on one knee. “I want to marry you.” He looks me in the eyes. “Will you marry me?”

I feel my breath catch in my throat and face get hot. “Austin…”

He bites his lip.

“Austin, I,” I stop, not wanting to answer. I loved Austin so much, he is my everything, and I do believe he's my soulmate, but I was _not_ ready to get married. Or even be engaged. We had just gotten back together. This was not how it was supposed to go. “Can’t.”


	22. twenty two

**Alan**

Austin and I stood staring at each other after he stood up, shoving the unopened black box back into his pocket.

“Aus…” I reached out to grab his hand, which surprisingly Austin let me take. His face usually broke into a small smile, his eyes lit up when we touched, but instead, he looked at me almost emotionless.

“Alan, whatever, let’s just go inside.” He was upset and honestly I didn’t blame him if he was upset with me, mad at me, sad. All of those emotions were completely valid. He starts heading towards the door, but I don’t follow him, leaving him only a few steps closer since he was anchored by our touch.  
He was facing the door and even though I couldn’t see him, I could tell that he was fixed on the door, probably staring at the ‘welcome back’ sign on the door that lead inside. “Austin.” He doesn’t turn around; instead he attempts to move closer to the door, only to be pulled back from my stillness. “Austin, please, can we talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

I sighed. “Austin, you just asked me to marry you and I said ‘no’, I think there’s something to talk about.”

It was Austin’s turn to sigh. “Sure, I guess there is something to talk about.”

“Are you mad at me?” I ask holding onto Austin’s hand tighter.

He turns around, a frown on his face, his eyes heavy with some emotion I couldn’t guess even if I had a word bank. “No, Alan, I’m not mad at you.”

“Talk to me, please?” I practically beg. “When we got back together, we agreed that we would talk about stuff, and here is some stuff, and yet we are not talking.” I felt my voice rise a little. I was afraid that this would lead to a fight, which would lead to another break up and honestly, I couldn’t do it again. It was bad enough the first time; zero out of five stars, would not recommend.

“I’m upset, Alan. I don’t really want to talk right now, especially not when its twenty five degrees out.”

“Let’s go in then.”

He nods, then leads me inside, a tiny sigh of relief escaping his mouth when we get out of the cold and into the warmth of the cabin. I, however, still felt a little cold. “If don’t want to talk, Aus, that’s fine, but I need to you listen.”

“Okay.” Austin responds as he walks across the cabin and over to the couch.

Was he seriously acting this way? I followed him over to the couch and sat next to him. “Austin I need you know that I love you so much.” I grab his hand, causing him to look at me. “And that’s why I said no.”

“That doesn’t even make sense, Alan. If you’re going to make something up, at least make it make sense.”

“I’m not making it up, Austin.” I sighed. “I want to marry you, on day, and I want to be engaged to you.” I stop and study his face. “Just, right now is not the time, I don’t think.”

“Why’s that, Alan. Explain.”

“Well, Austin, we just got back together after a pointless break up.” I state. “I mean that’s kind of a big deal, you know? Just getting back together? I don’t want to rush things.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

He nods. “Is that the only reason?” He asks, genuinely looking interested. I guess explaining myself helped get him over his whole ‘I don’t want to talk; instead I want to act like a grumpy ass’ deal.

“You’re leaving.” I state, a quiver in my voice. It had been on my mind a lot, he was graduating at the end of the semester, and then he would go off to wherever, D.C., probably, to get a job and I would be left in Ohio, where there was practically nothing for me with him gone.

Austin sighs and it’s not a ‘seriously’ sigh, it’s an ‘I totally understand why you just rejected my proposal’ sigh. He turns on the couch so he can look at me better and grabs my free hand so that our hands are together in the middle of the couch. “Do you think that me leaving is going to have a negative effect on our relationship?

I nod. “I’m not sure, really.” I sighed a little. “All I know is that you’re going to be gone and I won’t get to see you and a lot could happen.”

Austin’s face falls; not that it could much more, he was already visibly displeased. “Alan, obviously I thought something was going to happen to our relationship I wouldn’t have just proposed to you.” He sighs.

“I-I know.” I stop. “But two years is a long time without really seeing each other.”

“It’s not going to be like last summer, Alan. It’s an hour long flight from D.C. to here. I can come see you on long weekends, or you could come see me. There’s spring break, winter break, summer. Alan. It’s not going to be that bad.”

I bite my lip. “That still doesn’t mean that we won’t fuck it up.”

“Are you wanting to break up?” Austin asks his voice slightly quivering.

“What?” It escapes my mouth five times louder than the volume I was speaking at before. “No, no, no.” I stop and look at him. “That’s not what I’m getting at all, I just, I didn’t mean to get into this conversation from where we were.” Inhale, exhale. “I want to be engaged to you, at some point, Austin. Whether that’s next month or next year, I don’t know; I just don’t think _I’m_ really ready to be at that point since we just got back together.”

“Alright.”

“That’s it?”

“What do you want me to say, Alan?” He asks.

“Tell me if you understand.”

“I understand.” He sighs. “That’s all I have to say.” He lets go of my hands and stands up. “I’m going to get a shower, okay?”

“Yeah.”

-=-

I stripped my pants and jacket off quickly, leaving my t shirt and boxers on to sleep in. Austin was in the shower still. I could hear the water running but I had a feel the water from the shower head wasn’t the water that was on Austin’s face. I stepped closer to the door of the bathroom and listened to see if my prediction was correct.

I heard the faint whimpers of Austin crying over the water and I felt my heart sink. I felt awful, I made him cry. I don’t know why I couldn’t just say ‘yes’ to him.

After deciding that I heard enough of him crying I slunk back to the bed and climbed in, burying myself into the blanket, facing the wall where a hideous painting of a duck was placed.

Moments later I heard the bathroom door open and felt the bed dip from Austin climbing in. He didn’t talk to me before turning the light off that was next to his bed. No ‘goodnight’ no ‘I love you’ nothing.  
It felt weird being in a bed with Austin and not curled up to him, and honestly, I didn’t do anything wrong, therefore I didn’t deserve this punishment.

I turned so I was facing where he was lying.

“Austin?”

“Hm?”

“Can I scoot closer?” I ask quietly.

There’s a tiny chuckle before the answer. “Yeah, Alan.”

With a sigh of relief I scoot closer to him and fit myself against him so my head was resting on his chest and my arm was stretched across his belly.

We were going to be okay.

-=-=-=-=-

It had been two days since Austin had proposed to me and I had turned him down. Needless to say the ride back from the cabin was awkward, even though I was pretty sure he wasn’t upset with my anymore.

When we got back to campus, he went back to his apartment and I went back to my room. It was probably better that way, honestly. We weren’t _fighting_ but I think after that happened we need a day or two to be away from each other.

Justin obviously couldn’t believe his ears when I told that I said ‘no’, I think he understood better than Austin did where I was coming from, but at the same time he was shocked.

-=-

“Valentine’s Day is in two days.” I tell Austin as I sit on his bed.

“Really?” He asks.

I laugh a bit. “You didn’t know?”

He laughs as well. “No, I did.”

This was really awkward, him being so…weird. I just wanted to go back to normal. I slid off of Austin’s bed walked over to where he was; near his dressing, putting clothes away. “What are you doing?” He asks with a laugh.

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

Austin shakes his head and folds a t shirt and places it in his drawer. Well fine, if he wasn’t going to talk to me, then I guess I would force him to. “Okay…” He picks up another shirt from his basket that was sitting on the ground next to the dresser. It only took a minute to realize what I had to do to get us right again. I quickly scanned Austin’s dresser top, looking for something to drop on the floor. Ihome? No, it could break. Body spray? Maybe, but knowing my luck it could spill. Glass of coke? Sounds like a terrible idea. DVD cases? Yes. Perfect. I pretended to look at the stuff on his dresser, feeling his eyes on me before quickly swiping the cases to the floor. “Really Alan?” Austin sighs.

“Sorry, I was trying to look at it.”

“Sure.”

I bend down quickly and push the cases out of my way so I could get closer to Austin. While he continues to fold his clothes, not paying attention to me, I reach for his belt and start to undo it. “Alan!” I ignore him and crawl closer, pushing his shirt up and kissing right above his pants. “What are you doing?” He asks, as if he doesn’t know. I pull his belt out of the loops and toss it behind me. “Nothing.” Is my response as I unbutton his jeans and start tugging them down.

He sighs, a sort of mix between slightly annoyed and slightly content. “Alan.” This was going well. I pulled his underwear down to expose his half hard dick. This was definitely working. It only took a few seconds before I slowly sucking him off and his sighs had a different tone. “Alan.” He moves back against his dresser, making it move a little when he leans against it. I felt his hands in my hair as I moved my own hands to his hips, pushing him back more against the dresser. Then I heard the sound of a cup fall against the dresser. Shit.

“Fuck.” Austin wasn’t saying this because I’m super good at head, he was saying ‘fuck’ because I fucked up, again. “Alan stop.” I pulled my head back and looked up at him. “Sorry.” He sighs and turns, then sighs again. “Now I have to do this laundry again.”

“I’ll do it for you.” I insist, starting to stand up as he goes to laundry basket.

“It’s fine, I got it.” He mumbles as he pulls his pants up. “I’ll be back.”

I sigh as he collects his laundry stuff and walks out of his room. So much for that. I know that having your boyfriend turn down your proposal would be heard, but at the same time, he shouldn’t be this annoyed with me. I walked over to the dresser and picked up the cup, luckily none of the liquid had fallen onto the dresser, it just went straight into his laundry basket. While moving the cup, I noticed something that I said I wouldn’t look in again. Austin’s notebooks. This one was obviously new, as it said _spring 2014_ on the green cover in black sharpie. Maybe this would help me figure out what was wrong.

Austin would be gone putting his laundry in the machine for at least fifteen minutes, that’s how long it took him last time, so I grabbed the notebook and flipped through until I found the entry that was from the night I turned him down.

_I can’t believe I’m so stupid. Why did I think that Alan would want to be engaged? He’s right, we just got back together and trying to get him to marry me? Why was that even a thing I thought of? We’ve never even talked about marriage. Or kids. Or anything._

I felt my heart sink a little. Austin wasn’t stupid, he’s just excitable. As if I didn’t feel bad enough already, the rest of the entry was just more of him being down on himself. I flipped to the next page.

_I wish she was here so badly, she’d know what to say, she’d tell me a story of a similar experience and we’d laugh. It would be okay. I wish she could meet Alan, she’d probably really like him, want him to be her son-in-law, the second dad to her grandchildren. I can’t believe it’s been so long already and finally finding the person that I’m going to marry (well, hopefully, if he doesn’t turn me down again) makes it hurt all over again._

It makes sense now, why Austin was dragging this out. He missed his mom, he wasn’t mad at me, he was mad and upset with himself, which in turn gets shoved on me because Austin doesn’t exactly have the best anger management skills.

“Alan?”

I turn my head and Austin is standing there with his laundry basket, eyebrows raised. “Oh hey.” I quickly close the notebook, attempting to look like I wasn’t just snooping on my boyfriend.

“What were you doing?” He asks as he walks closer, flopping the basket on the ground.

“Nothing.” I lie.

He walks over to me and looks behind me to see what was on his dresser. “Alan…” He sighs. “You didn’t.”

I sighed. “I did.” There was no point in lying to him and getting him in a worse mood.

“W-why,” He sighs. “Why?” He looks at me and he looks understandably upset. “I mean seriously?”

“I’m sorry it’s just you wouldn’t talk to me.” I bit my lip. “I was worried about you.”

He closes his eyes, thinking. “That doesn’t mean you can look through my stuff, Alan.”

“I know, Aus. I’m sorr--”

“Okay, stop apologizing.” He sighs. “Just, okay, let’s talk.”

-=-

Austin and I sat on his bed and he finally told me everything that he was feeling. He still claimed to not be mad me, and I believed him. But while he wasn’t mad, he was still sad that I said ‘no’ but he understood. He told me about how much he missed his mom and he told me all about her, things he had never told me about, like the night she died. He told me that it was getting close to the five year anniversary and that wasn’t really helping his sadness over the whole engagement; that kind of made me feel like shit. But I was glad he finally talked to me about it.

I told him about how I felt, how I wanted to marry him, but I didn't think that now was the time. I told him that I loved him so much and I was so glad that he shared what he did with me. I told him that I had read his journal before he caught me, he was pissed which was expected, but apparently he kind of knew I was looking at the old ones. I promised him that I wouldn't snoop anymore and he promised me that we would talk before one of us decides to move our relationship to a next step.

After we talked about all the serious stuff and I had wiped so many tears off his sweet face, we cuddled on his bed. Both of us on our sides, his hand on my hip, and my hand on his neck, slightly rubbing his jawline. “But you’re going to want to marry me eventually, right?” He asks, looking into my eyes.

“Yes, of course.”

“And you want kids?”

“Kid; singular.”

“Seriously Alan?” He sighs. “Kids are the greatest, we need at least five.”

“Five?” I ask with a laugh. “You are on drugs, there is no way in hell we’re adopting five kids.”

“Four?”

“Two.”

“Three.”

“One.” I tell him with a smile.

“Two is fine.” He smiles.


	23. twenty three

**Alan**

Post-sex cuddling was probably my second favorite thing, my first favorite obviously being the sex. Austin was pressed against my back, his arms outstretched in front of me with our fingers interlaced together. I could tell he was studying them for whatever reason. It was Valentine's Day and Austin was excited about our concert date in a few days. Austin didn't get me anything, instead he cooked me dinner and gave me a blowjob. I wasn't complaining.

"You going to bed?" He asks as he lets our hands fall in front of me.

"Probably, I know you won't let me skip class so.."

He laughs. "That's right, my little pumpkin has to get his education."

I rolled my eyes a little and cuddled against him. "I'm not turning that light off."

"How am I supposed to turn it off?" He sighs. "You're closer."

"I'm comfortable."

Austin gives up on the fight and manages to move across me, purposefully shoving his armpit in my face as he turns the light off. "Night."

"Night." I feel him kiss my temple then settle in his previous position.

-=-

"Fuck." I turned over and squinted as I watched Austin check his phone. I heard it vibrate but it wasn't enough to wake me up, the light from his full brightness was, however.

"What?" I mumble.

"Classes are cancelled tomorrow, snow storm's moving in." He mumbles back before lightly tossing his phone back on the table. "Lucky you."

-=-

I heard Austin sigh loudly right in my ear before I heard the phone ring. Sucks to be an RA. I allowed Austin to roll away from me and snuggled into the blanket. I wasn't sure how long this interruption was from the first one, but I was really glad that we had a snow day tomorrow. Maybe I could talk Austin into having a snowball fight tomorrow with Tino and Penelope.

"Alex, Alex, slow down." Austin turns the light on next to his bed, nearly blinding me. "Yeah, he's in bed next to me." Why were they talking about me? Did my room catch on fire? Austin gets out of bed and starts walking towards his bedroom door. "Um, I'm not sure, hold on." He quickly opens his door and exits the room, leaving me in his room, confused. I sit up and grab my phone from the table next to me, maybe Justin had forgotten his key and asked Alex to call so I could let him in the room.

No messages. That was weird, Justin should be getting back from Andy's at anytime now since it was close to four in the morning.

Austin comes back in a minute later rubbing his lips together like he was thinking.

"Did my room burn down?" I ask with a laugh.

He shakes his head. "Um, no."

"What happened, why did Alex ask about me?"

Austin sighs and cracks his knuckles. "Um, I don't really know how to say this." He trails off then steps closer to my side of the bed.

"Did I get expelled?"

He shakes his head then sits down next to my feet. "It's Justin."

"Did he get expelled?"

Austin shakes his head and looks straight ahead. "No, Alan."

I suddenly got the feeling that this was way more serious than I previously thought. "Tell me."

"Um, I'm not exactly sure what happened because Alex couldn't tell me everything because privacy reasons, which by the way, he wasn't even supposed to call me at all but he knew--"

"Austin." I felt bad for cutting him off, but I needed to know.

He sighs again and grabs my hand, not looking at me, continuing to stare at the wall. "Because of the snow and stuff, it being so cold, there was ice and," He stops and swallows hard. "I don't know what happened." He grips my hand tighter. "But from the minor details Alex gave me Justin's car slid on some black ice about two and half hours ago." He turns and looks at me, his face pale. I'm imagining that my face was similar in coloring. I honestly felt like someone ripped my vocal cords out. I couldn't talk, I couldn't make a noise, I could just stare at Austin's sad, brown eyes. I felt my pulse quicken and my hands start to get wet. "I, um, the paramedic called Alex because they couldn't find his phone in the car to call his parents, but they found his ID. They're taking him to Clemency."

I wasn't sure where Clemency ranked on the scale of seriousness in hospitals as I hadn't had to deal with this in Ohio, actually, at all. I swallowed, hoping my vocal cords would work so I could ask all of the questions that were filling my head. What happened? Can we go see him? Does Andy know? Is he going to be okay? Is he hurt? Is he dead?

Austin must have developed mind reading powers after that phone call. "I don't know how bad he is, Alan. Alex couldn't tell me, I don't even know if he knows. He called his parents, though. They're on their way to the hospital now."

"C-can," My voice sounded like one I've never heard, croaky and absolutely hideous. "I need to be there."

He slowly shakes his head. "I'm sorry." Austin's thumb came into contact with my cheek, wiping at it. I didn't even know I had been crying. I felt like I wasn't even in my body anymore. "The roads are too bad for driving." He wipes my other cheek. "We'll go in the afternoon, okay? There'll be salt on the roads, it'll be safer."

"I don't care if it's safe." My voice was quiet, still in that same voice.

Austin sighs and crawls up the bed and lies down next down to me. I was still sitting up looking where Austin just was. "I care." I feel his hand grab mine. "Alan."

I turn and look at him. "We need to go. What if---" I stop, not wanting to finish that sentence.

Austin looks down. "He'll be fine."

"He's not going to be fine." I start climbing out of the bed. "Austin, he's my best friend."

He looks at me, watching as I start looking for anything to cover my body. "I know, Alan, but if we go now you're going to end up sharing a hospital room with him. We'll go, Alan. I promise. When it's safe."

I knew the point he was making was extremely valid and he was just looking out for me, but at this point all reason was out the window. "Austin."

"Alan, just lie down okay?" He extends his hand out for me to take. It was just to pull me back in bed, but I viewed it as something more. Austin had gone through this before, I hadn't. "We'll go when we wake up." As if I was going to sleep.

I gave in and took his hand, allowing him to lead me back into bed. I took the first step timidly like a baby, the second step a little quicker. I didn't bother with a third, instead I just climbed into Austin. I burrowed myself into his chest, desperately grasping at his skin, letting my tears fall on him. Austin was quietly crying as well, his arms stretched across my back, keeping me as close to him as I could get.

-=-=-=

I didn't sleep. I don't think that's a surprise. Austin did fall asleep about an hour and half after the phone call, but he had had a really long day before the phone call. Despite Austin's body heat making me sweat, I stayed wrapped in his arms, my finger lazily tracing any tattoo I could reach from my position. I watched the sun come up from the small window in Austin's room, I have to admit a Midwestern sunrise was quite beautiful, I just wish the reason I got to see such a sight was better.

When Austin finally woke up he wiped at my face, I'm assuming I had tears still on my cheeks. Once you've been crying for hours, you kind of forget that you're crying. It's more or less deep breaths going in and out accompanied by the discomfort of phantom water on your face.

I got ready at an usual pace. It wasn't quick, but it wasn't slow. I wanted to see Justin, I wanted to be there for him, but at the same time I had no idea what to expect. I had only been to the hospital to visit someone once, and they were just sick, they weren't hurt.

Austin somehow found the strength to put on jeans, I went with sweatpants, ironically, they were Justin's. I hadn't noticed when I grabbed them as I packed my bag for staying at Austin's, if I had, I probably would have replaced them with my own. I was kind of glad that I hadn't. I gripped Austin's hand as I tight as I could as I followed him out of his apartment like a small child. In a way, I was like a child, I didn't understand this situation like Austin. Austin had lost people close to him, friends, family. I hadn't experienced the loss of a loved one at a time where I understood it, I was five when my grandpa died, I thought he had gone on a really long vacation.

-=-

_I'm a watchtower in the morning._  
Waiting for the sun to rise,  
I've got riverbeds in my eyes.  
I'm a bonfire on a hillside;  
the wind whistles sharp through my teeth,  
I've been burning oil walking the streets  
and I'm crying, I'm crying 

Austin's iPod wasn't making this any easier, playing the worst possible songs it could be playing at this particular moment. Where was that stupid Drake song that started playing when I tried to give Austin a sexy massage? Why did Apple program this stupid thing to pick the worst songs?

I stared straight ahead reading the signs on the side of the road, _hospital 10 miles_. I wasn't sure if this was the hospital we were going to or not. I turned and looked at Austin who was also looking straight ahead, keeping his eyes on the road. His hand was in mine, his thumb lazily going over my knuckles. We weren't talking and I think that in way, it was good. I wasn't sure what to say, I don't think he was sure either. It was an odd situation.

As Austin takes an exit, I start to get nervous. The hospital I saw the sign for was the one we were going to. As we made our way over the overpass I noticed some people jogging, usually this sight would have made Austin and I laugh at their stupidity because who runs in the snow? Austin did snort a little, I think he and I were having the same thought.

"He's not even wearing gloves." I state watching the joggers as they pass us at the red light.

Austin laughs a little and it's a refreshing sound. "I wish I was surprised." Austin turns and looks at me, giving me a small smile. "We're almost there, you sure?"

I nod. "Yeah."

-=-

Austin found a spot in the parking garage attached to the huge, white building. I took mental note that we were on the green floor at the A door. I wasn't sure if I would remember at the time we left, but at least an effort was made.

"Have you been here before?" I quietly ask Austin as he takes my hand and leads me to the A door, which was really just a hall with elevators and a staircase. Neither of us were in the mood for stairs, so Austin pressed the _up_ button in the middle of the two sets of huge door that had been printed with some obvious stock footage of a nurse smiling with the hospital logo next to it.

Austin nods, but doesn't elaborate as he presses the 'lobby' button inside of the elevator.

-=-

Andy was waiting in the small waiting area near the room where Justin was. It was a weird feeling as he got up and pulled both of us into a hug. There was a woman with him, I'm guessing his mom. He looks at us for a minute after the hug ends, his breath catching in his throat. "Um, they're going to come out and get us in a minute." He finally states. "They're changing his dressings."

I nod. "Have you seen him?"

Andy nods slowly. "For about five minutes, when we got here, then the nurses came in."

"How is he?" Austin asks as we sit down.

Andy looks down. "I'm not sure, really?"

"Oh."

"He hit his head pretty hard when he crashed." Andy bites his lip. "He'll be okay though."

I sit down across from him and Austin takes a seat next to me. Our hands immediately form together without even a cue from each other. It was kind of strange how in-sync we were this morning.

"Oh, this is my mom, by the way." Andy quickly motions towards the lady next to him with his head.

"Nice to meet you." Austin gives her a small smile and I nod in agreement.

-=-

It took an hour for Justin's mom to come into the waiting room. Andy told us to go ahead and go with her since his number of guests were limited to two non-family at a time. I found that kind of ridiculous, honestly. It's not like there was fifty people in the waiting room wanting to go back there.

Austin followed behind Justin's mom, Ruth, and I followed behind him, my hand tightly clutching his. It was this weird feeling. Part of me wanted to go in, the part didn't. I knew that what I saw when I walked into that room was not going to be easy; it would be burned into my mind for a long time.

"I'll let you two have a couple of minutes alone." Ruth tells as we stop in front of a door. She gives us a small smile and heads the way we just came in.

Austin looks at me and rubs his lips together. "You ready?"

"I guess I have to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at this point in time (8/25/14) every chapter of SIG is on here except for the last mibba one because I post two on here for every one on mibba. it'll be updated when i post the next chapter  
> song: 'find me here' by eisley


	24. twenty four

He reaches for the door handle and pushes on it gently opening it enough for us to squeeze through. The room is dark, only a tiny bit of light coming in vertically through window. Austin forcefully pushes his fingers through mine so they're laced together as he leads me in the room.

The steady beep of the EKG was the first thing I heard. At least he was alive. The second thing I heard was the oxygen machine slowly humming. My eyes adjusted to the weird light and I was thankful that Austin and were still in this almost hallway that was created by the bathroom. It was a good barrier so I didn't have to see him before I was ready, I ever could be.

"You wanna sit down?" Austin asks as my eye is caught by the display of balloons in the left corner across from the door. I was putting off the inevitable first look at Justin as long as I could. "If you want to stand that's fine, too."

"Um." I wasn't sure, honestly. "I don't know." I look at him and bite my lip.

He nods. "Okay, whatever you want." He gives me a small smile and squeezes my hand. He looks away and towards the part of the room where Justin was lying, just around the corner. "I think Justin would be appalled that is cast is white, don't you?"

"He has a cast?" I ask quietly.

Austin nods. "His left arm."

I sighed deeply. "Is that the only one?"

Austin takes another peek around the corner. "Yeah, he has some bandages on his head, though. And he's pretty bruised."

"Is it scary?"

Austin nods again. "I think no matter the circumstance seeing someone you love lying in a hospital bed is scary."

"Even after they've had a baby?"

Austin shrugs. "Maybe, never seen someone right after they've had a baby."

"Me either." I sigh. "I think Justin would be pretty pissed about having a white cast."

Austin smiles. "He strikes me as someone who would want to have the most obnoxious color."

"That's the only fun part about having a cast."

"And people get to sign it."

"Do you think Justin's mom will let us sign his?"

"We can ask."

"I think I'm ready."

"You sure?"

I nod this time. "Not entirely but at the same time I know I have too."

Austin nods. "Do you want me to stay here or come with you?"

I bit my lip. "Come with me."

"Whatever you want." He squeezes my hand. "Come on."

I let my feet follow him, walking slowly, looking at the speckled linoleum. The room gets slightly brighter as we get closer. I can see the wheels of the bed and the bottoms of a couple chairs scooted away, probably from the nurses.

"Austin, I can't." I watch as his feet move so he's facing me.

"Alan,"

"I thought I could, I can't." I could feel the tears start to well in my eyes. Austin does a swift move so I'm wrapped in his arms, my face buried in his chest. "It smells so weird in here and I know I'm going to remember this forever and I just don't think I can."

I hear Austin sigh as he rubs my back. "You can, Alan."

I sniff the snot back in my nose that I felt creeping down my nose. “I. Okay.” I removed myself from Austin’s protective arms and turned to look at Justin. It wasn’t as scary as I was expecting. He kind of just looked like he was sleeping, except he had a white bandage wrapped around his head and he had an ugly white cast on his arm. His hospital gown was a minty green with hideous little specks of a color I didn’t care about. “Do you think he’s naked under that gown?” I was attempting to hide my sadness with humor. I wasn’t sure if it was working, because now I was thinking about my best friend’s dick.

Austin catches a laugh in his throat. “For our own sakes, let’s just assume he has underwear on.” He rubs the small of my back. “You okay?”

“I’m not sure, really.” I stepped closer, away from the safety of Austin. “I think it’s still kind of setting in?” I, obviously, was extremely upset, my best friend in the whole world was lying on a bed in front of me, passed out. Seeing him made me feel better, seeing that he wasn’t totally gone, that he still looked like the Justin I knew, just with a some casts and some bruises. When you don’t see them, your mind runs wild. You start imagining every single thing that could be wrong. Everything from horribly disfigured to a small scar above the eyebrow. I wasn’t sure what to expect last night, but now that I saw him with my own eyes, it made feel a little better.

I grabbed Justin’s hand and was kind of surprised that it was slightly warm. It was cold in this room, which it seem like it was going to help Justin at all. He’s already in the hospital and now he’s freezing.

His hand was in mine for less than a minute before the tears started to well in my eyes. There was no reason why he wouldn’t make it. He would just be a totally different person, probably, maybe. I had no idea.

“Okay, we can leave now.”

“Are you sure?” Austin asks quietly.

“Yeah, I’ve had enough for today, I think.” I turn around and look at him, breathing in.

“Okay, yeah, of course.” He extends his hand to me and I take it, allowing him to slowly lead me out of the room.

-=-

“How’re you feeling?” Austin asks as we sit in his car in the parking garage.

“I’m not sure. Scared, sad, angry.”

Austin nods. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I sigh and try to focus on something, unfortunately we were facing a concrete wall and that was  
it, no birds to distract me. “I’m afraid that if he does make it, he’s not going to be the same Justin, you know?”

Austin grabs my hand. “He may not be the same, but he’s going to get through it, Alan.”

“Do you really think that or are you just trying to make me feel better?”

“I really believe that.” He looks at me and I can tell he’s telling the truth. “He has a ton of people who love him, his parents, his brothers, you, Andy, even Phil and I, he has a great support system.”

I nod. “I know, it’s just,”

“You don’t have to explain your emotions if you don’t want to.” Austin gives me a small smile. "I'm not like Phil, I won't press it out of you."

“Okay.” I look at him and rub my lips together. I didn’t have anything else to really say. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk, anyway.

“Want to get something to eat?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

My room was half empty; a place that was once so full of life was now dreary and miserable to even be in. Justin's things were gone, his mother sent a team consisting of his brother and some of his friends to come collect his belongings, leaving a few things that were in use and a couple of mementos for me; the magazine we bonded over, a t shirt from Oak, and a couple of photos were all that remained on his bare bed.

I understood the desire to want these things -Justin's things- back at his house. They were some of the last things Justin touched; they still had his scent, his memories. They were, at the moment, the only things his mother could take home.

Their use was impractical anyway, when Justin did wake up, he wouldn’t be going back to school, he had missed too much and was going to need therapy.

I didn't really go into my room anymore, it was too depressing to go in and see Justin's things missing. And when his stuff still was in the room, it was even harder. Something was missing and it was him. Instead I spent my spare time in Austin's room; I basically moved in. My clothes were in boxes on his floor, my soap and shampoo littering his bathroom.

It was all so strange. I woke up, ate something out of Austin's fridge, went to class, are lunch with Austin, then we went to the hospital where we do our homework together on the small table in Justin's room, just waiting for him to wake up. Sometimes he would move, a quick jolt that would get my hopes up way too high, then the nurse would come in and confirm he wasn't awake yet. My mom said it was a sign that he knew Austin and I were there waiting for him, but even I knew that that was complete bullshit. Around 8:30 we'd start collecting our things to prepare to leave until the next night when we would come back. At home we'd shower and fall into opposite sides of the bed, a huge space between us.

“You going to bed?” Austin asks from the bed as I walk into his bedroom. He had a book open in front of him.

“I guess I’ll try to.” Sleep didn’t come easy when you’re constantly worried. I climbed into his bed and sighed.

“Tino bought some melatonin if you want to try it.” He offers.

I shake my head and pull the blanket up. “I’m good, thanks though.”

Austin closes his book and turns to face me. “I’m worried about you.”

“Why?”

Austin laughs a little. “Really?”

“I’m fine.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“You said you wouldn’t press me.”

“I wasn’t pressing, just asking.”

I look over at him, his lips slightly parted, a worrisome look in his eyes. “I still feel the same way.”

He nods and moves so he’s lying down. “Okay.” I knew he was annoyed that I wasn’t talking, but I didn’t have anything to really talk about. “Night.” He reaches over and turns the light off, leaving us in the dark. I hear him turn over while I just sit there, kind of surprised.

I decide to lay down, letting my head hit the pillow. I turned to look at Austin, he obviously wasn’t sleeping yet, he can’t sleep with his arm under him and since it wasn’t under his head, he was lying on it. I missed him so much.

While pulling the blankets up I scooted closer to him, getting right behind him and snuggling against his back.

Austin makes a confused noise, but moves his hand over mine. I place a kiss on his back and rest my forehead against the unmarked skin. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He tells me.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I know you’re annoyed that I’m not talking.”

“I’m not annoyed.” His voice was sleepy sounding. “I’m just worried. You’re holding onto a lot, Alan. It’s not good.” He starts to squirm so I loosen my grip on him and scoot back a little, allowing him to twist and turn over.

I sigh. “I’m really scared.”

“It’d be weird if you weren’t.” He runs his thumb over my cheek. “They’re doing surgery tomorrow.”

“Are they going to bring him out of his coma?”

Austin shrugs. “I don’t know, Pumpkin.” He gives me a small smile. “The doctor’s said he’s healing well.”

I nod against my pillow. “Is he going to be the same?” We hadn’t really talked about Justin, only heard about him from Andy or Ruth; they stayed diligently next to his bedside. Andy had basically been living in the hospital for the past week, only leaving when visiting hours were over. Mr. Carlile had been letting him stay in Austin’s old room since his apartment was closer to the hospital. Ruth only left when her husband and the nurses made her, usually for a couple hours a day so she could shower and sleep in a bed.

My mom had offered to fly out, but I told her that it wasn’t necessary; not yet. In some ways I wanted to call her and tell her to catch the next plane here, but in other ways I was glad she wasn’t here.

Austin bit his lip. “Honestly, Alan, I don’t know.”

I knew that was coming. I knew nothing about brains and what an injury so severe could do. I didn’t have the nerve to ask Ruth or Andy. “We should sleep.”

Austin leans in and presses a kiss to my lips quickly. “It’s going to be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay xx


End file.
